4 month sleep regression- light at the end of the tunnel

[nearlymumofone]

I posted here a while back about the hell i was goig through with the 4 month sleep regression. And it really was hell. However I've been meaning to post here to let anyone going through it know there is light at the end of the tunnel. DS hit it at 16 weeks, and it lasted till 6 months, with the worst weeks being form 16-20 weeks. I was EBF at the time and I think this actually didn't help the sleep sitruation, at 5 months i introduced solids and a bottle, he was established on solids by 6 months and ff and slept through the night without waking. I can't tell whether the formula or solids helped, whether it was either or both, but his sleeping well coincided with him being well satisfied and full (he was very poor at bf and not gaining weight so it wasn't going well at hence i gave in at 5 months). We also introduced a blankie which was a godsend and put him in his own room. All of which seemed to positively contribute to him sleeping well. Maybe the regression would have passed without us doing these things, however they seemed to work well for us. Now DS is 9 months and unless he's ill/teething sleeps through the night (from 6.30-6.30 ish).

I just wanted to give hope to anyone going through it at the minute that it will get better.

[Muser]

Forgot to say, I hope your cat turns up Dorcas. They are terrors for wandering off and scaring you.

[DorcasB]

Thanks Muser, I'm hoping she'll turn up soon. I know what you mean about feeling despondent, it's hard to care about wanting much else when the only thing you really want is just a good nights sleep. Just to go to bed and know that you are going to have a decent stretch of sleep. I hope that you do have a nice birthday though
I am up for the ..er... have lost track of the number, feels like the hundredth time. Let's just say I am slightly hysterical and can only cope with it all by deciding that I will not be getting any sleep tonight.

[Muser]

I hope your night got better!

Here it went like this. Finally asleep at 9pm. Awake at 10pm, 1.30am, 3.30am, 6am, 8am. I actually consider that an ok night as she settled fairly easily each time. But when your longest stretch of sleep is 3 hours that's really not good.

The only thing moving her into her own room has achieved is stopping me laying there listening to every snuffle and worrying she's about to wake up.

[Bet01]

Morning all. Any sign of the cat Dorcas? I hope you got a little bit of sleep in the end?
Our night was better. 10pm-3am with a tiny wake up for a few secs at midnight, but no food.
After that it was every hour until 7.15am. His nap this morning was only 45 mins rather than the monster 3.5 hours we had yesterday, so still feeling bleary-eyed. Never mind, I think it's coffee and cake time...

[ChopMonster]

Hope your cat is back Dorcas Did you get any sleep at all? I wouldn't mind not sleeping at night if I could sleep the next day!

Sorry there've been some bad nights. Bet that first stretch sounds good. Hourly after that does not. Has the coffee kicked in? Wishing I had cake now!

Last night was 7.30-8.30, 11.30, 1, 3.30, 5.50. He did treat me to a lie in til 8 which was nice.

There doesn't seem to be an end in sight! And more and more people keep asking me how he sleeps. Starting to feel quite miserable a lot of the time now. Someone please give me a kick up the jacksie!

[Bet01]

Oh Chop, I know exactly what you mean. Other babies sleep so much better (including SiL's baby who sleeps 11pm-8am solid) and it seems so unfair doesn't it? And I end up thinking surely there must be something I did wrong, should I have got a routine going sooner?
When I feel like that (which is often) I tend to eat cake, think about how much cleverer my son is going to be due to his alertness (that's my logic anyway) and try and accept as much help from DP as possible. It's still damn hard though. But I suppose it won't last forever. Sigh.

[Muser]

I try to avoid the sleep questions now, so I know how you feel Chop. Especially as if I do talk about it I start getting all the advice and I have to come up with another explanation of why I don't just want to leave her to cry. It's the "do you feed her to sleep every time" that makes me despair. I start feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing and the "rod for your own back" phrase keeps roaming around my brain.

My DH is working late tonight so I'm doing bedtime alone again. I really like the half hour break I get when he bathes her and gives her a massage. Oh well. Last night was a bit better than Tuesday in terms of how quickly she went back to sleep, maybe tonight will be a bit better again.

[DorcasB]

My cat has come home! I'm so relieved, it felt so odd her not being in the house. Little minx! I did get some sleep in the end- went back to bed at four, she woke at five, got up, gave her a feed, passed her to DP who got up with her and I went back to bed for a few hours. Not a great night though! She then had a two hour kip and woke up in a brilliant mood. Needless to say me and DP weren't in such high spirits!
Bet, that's great about the first half of the night, but the second half sounds like hard work. Still, maybe a sign of better things to come?
chop it makes me feel utterly shite talking to people whose babies sleep really well. I am so and also worry that I have done something terribly wrong. But then I do know that some of those have left their baby to cry at quite a young age, some for up to an hour. Each to their own I guess, but that is just not for me, so i think there is no point in comparing my baby's sleep to theirs. And just ignoring those discussions in general is probably the best option. I hate that look of concerned surprise people give me when I tell them she's not sleeping through! As if something must be horribly awry and I am failing as a mother. Probably me being paranoid through lack of sleep though.
Muser, sorry the moving to another room didn't make a massive difference, but hurrah for a slightly better night.
Well, am going to attempt the first put down of the night. And so the dance of merry hell that is extreme sleep deprivation begins...!

[Muser]

So pleased your cat is back Dorcas.

Good luck tonight everyone. We are on wake up number one here. That's a massive 2.5 hours of sleep. She seems starving as well. Think we're in for a long one.

[Bet01]

Morning all, dare I ask how your nights were? Muser did your night improve or not?
Ours was the same as the night before really. DS has got into a pattern of 5-ish hours (brilliant) followed by being really restless until getting up time. Last night I'm not really sure how much, if any sleep I got between 3 and 6am. But I'm hoping it'll start filling in soon, back to his old routine of 5 hours, then 2, then another 1.
DP took him so I could sleep from 6.30-7.30 and we also napped from 8.30-10.30, so over the course of 24 hours I've had 8 hours sleep. Don't feel so bad now.
How about you all?

[ChopMonster]

Bet it must be hard with another family baby sleeping so long. I know what you mean about thinking you should've got into a routine sooner but realistically, what could we have done? I know I couldn't force DS into a routine if I tried! Other babies may be more naturally susceptible to routines. Nice to get 8 hours eventually. One day it will be in one go!

Arg Muser I really hate the whole 'rod for your own back' line. I also get the "so do you feed him every time he wakes?" question. PIL ask me how he slept every time I see them, FIL asks if he's sleeping through the night yet. Which is ironic given that DH was in their bed until he was FIVE!

Dorcas I agree each to their own but I'm in agreement with you about CIO. If he's hungry in the night then I will feed him, it seems cruel to leave him when I could just feed him and he'll go back to sleep.

DS sort of switched his night routine. He was like yours Bet and doing 5, 3, 2 and fussing but last night he went down at 8, woke crying (nightmare?) at 9, stirred at 9.30 and DH settled him. He then woke at 11.30 for a feed and then 5! He woke at 7 but didn't seem ready to get up so I settled him, we woke again at 7.15 so I brought him into bed with me until 8.30. We seem to get 1 or 2 'good' nights a week. The weird thing was he didn't have a bedtime feed again, so before 11.30, his last feed was 4pm. So I'm not convinced he can be THAT hungry when he wakes at night?

How did the night go Muser?

Glad your cat is back Dorcas :)

[Bet01]

Also forgot to mention DS is 19 weeks today so we've come to the end of the 5th week of these shenanigans...

[Bet01]

Sorry Chop posted last message before reading yours. I know you're right about the routine thing. I couldn't have got DS into a routine he didn't want, he would have cried alot and it still wouldn't have worked. Some babies are just easier than others.
Brilliant news about last nights sleep though Chop, it's so encouraging when it happens isn't it, gives us all hope!

[WeAreBorg]

Hi there,

Glad to see chop and bet had some good stretches, that's really encouraging. Glad your cat came home dorcas.
I know what you mean about the sleep conversations, I get really cross when randoms at DS baby classes always ask that question, and it's always mums with brilliant sleepers that ask it. It's now mums with much younger babies that are giving me the sympathetic pat and 'don't worry, you'll get this mothering lark eventually' look. Grrr.
Sorry am really cross this morning, DS was crap last night and he is still insisting on waking at 5am and hardly having any naps in the day. They are still all in the pram and I'm getting a bit fed up. To be fair he is still doing a nice stretch at start of the night, but the rest the past 2 nights has been useless.
I'm getting him weighed now to see if he's actually grown or if it's all been for nothing.

I'll post again when I'm in a better mood! It's just the past 2 nights that have been not so good, I think I'm getting a bit irrational!

[Muser]

Nice stretches Chop and Bet, glad to hear it.

My night didn't get much better. I think we were averaging about 2.5 hour stretches. And then she was really quite awake at 5am so I left her to amuse herself and went back to bed for an hour. At least it's the weekend now which means a lie in for me and some daddy time for her.

[Bet01]

Morning all. Borg, how was your night? How are you feeling today?
We had a crap night. DS asleep at 9.45, but at 12.15 I really needed the loo and as he's in bed with us at the mo, I woke him up. Not sure how long he would have lasted without that happening. Then woke up at 2.15, 3, 3.45, 4.30, 5.15, 6.30, and 7.30 for the day, and DP took him for an hour.
I feel less tired today because I managed to fall asleep between wakings even though they were quite close together.
Also just been for a coffee and a facial BY MYSELF (bliss!)
Anyone else care to share their tale of woe?

[ChopMonster]

Oh Bet you poor thing, what a horrible night :( Coffee and a facial sounds heavenly though!

My night was actually ok. I really need a haircut, haven't had it done since I was 11 weeks pg

How did everyone else get on?

[WeAreBorg]

Muser and dorcas how's it going? Is it your birthday this week Muser?
Chop sounds like the good nights are outweighing the bad date I say it? Maybe you're on your way out? Celebrate with a haircut!
Bet thanks I feel better, I usually plod on quite well with all of this but some days just lose the plot a bit! Your night sounds horrendous, glad you could at least drop off between wake-ups. Sounds like we are both at least getting some good nights between the bad ones, and you've had a few good long stretches so we know DS can do it!

Spoke to health visitor about this, she basically advised toughening up, i.e. leaving him and said DS had got into a habit of expecting a feed whenever he woke up so to leave him in his cot and get out of his room asap. I don't mind trying to settle without a feed but refuse to leave him to cry, even when I'm desperate I still can't bear it.
He was better last night anyway, woke up at 11 (always wakes pre 12 if I go to bed early!), then not till 330! Awake for the day at 530 as his is new usual. Loads better than past few nights anyway. 4.5 hours sleep in a row for me, I think a record!

[WeAreBorg]

Bet forgot to ask is he settling quickly at those wakings? Really hoe last night was a one off for you.

[Bet01]

Borg thanks, yes it was a bit horrendous! He settles very quickly between wakings, so it's not really as bad as it sounds. He's in bed with me so I plug him in lying on my side and he's usually asleep again after 5-10 mins. Annoying in a way though as means he can't really be hungry.
Glad there were a few better nights last night though. Ours was too. DS asleep at 9.45 then woke at 12, 3.30, 5.30 and 7. Didn't get up until 8.15, which is good.
Borg, I agree with you about your HV's advice. I could never leave DS to cry. I mean, he obviously wants to wake up and have comfort/food and he's not being manipulative, he's just a tiny baby. So it must distress him to cry and not get what he needs, and I hate the thought of that.
I just wish I could see some sort of pattern to DS' wakings, but they seem random. Some nights good, some bad, waking at different intervals, and doesn't make a difference if he's had all of his naps or missed some. Sigh...

[ChopMonster]

Borg I have been thinking that, we've had 3 good nights in a row but last time I said it out loud it all went to pot! Glad you had a better night.

Bet last night sounds much better than Friday night, did you manage to drop off in between?

I agree with you both. I could never leave him to cry. What will he learn if we don't go to him? That no one cares and no one's coming?

DS is still skipping his bedtime feed. He stirs after an hour or so and I used to feed him then but now we resettle him and he wakes at about 11.30. I feed him then and he's been going through til 4.30ish, although this morning it was 5.45, then 8.30 wakeup. If I feed him when he stirs at 9, he will then wake almost 2 hourly through the night. I have a weird child who sleeps longer without a feed.

He's just learned to grab his feet. Apparently 4.30 on a Saturday morning is when all the cool kids are practising this new trick, along with chatting and squealing. It's quite funny! Although this morning he combined it with trying to roll over and got his foot stuck in the cot bars.

Hope Dorcas and Muser are ok?

[Muser]

Hello everyone. Nothing good to report here I'm afraid. Still no sign that being in her own room is helping. It's possibly stopped her waking an hour after bed, but she never did that regularly. I am trying to remain hopeful.

We are nearly at the end of the 19 week wonder week according to the book though. So maybe next week things will improve.

[PukeyRag]

Hi all, can I join? Pleeaaasse?

I really think this is what my DD (17 weeks) is going through and it's killing me!
She was doing fine at night (day time is a different matter altogether!) She was going down around 8, sleeping 4-5 hours then up every 2-3 which was fine by me. Now she's waking what feels like a million ga-zillion times a night (too tired to check the time most of the time!) and eating every single time (FF).

I'm so glad i'm not the only one.

Uuuurrrgggghhh.

[Bet01]

Oh dear Chop, 4.30am is not good! I did manage to sleep in between feeds last night thanks, I feel almost human today!
It's weird how your DC sleeps better without a late feed. I guess it proves they're not always waking up through hunger. DS is the same, he just sort of snacks throughout the night, and I've noticed more and more that his feeds in the day are quite small. He never has both sides in one feed, despite being 75th percentile for weight. If I try and offer him more he just turns away.
Muser, we've just come to the end of week 19 too, so who knows, maybe things will improve. Although we've had five Wonder Weeks so far which is a little extreme!
Welcome Pukey, sorry you're here. Your DDs previous routine sounds exactly the same as my DS's. Was there anything that sparked off this change in her sleep?

[Muser]

According to my app it runs from 14.5 weeks until 19.5 weeks Bet, so that'd be about right.

I am trying to express enough milk to allow my husband to do the 11pm feed and me to sleep. It's not going very well. I also have 2 cartons of formula which I don't really want to give as I've got this far without it. But I do need some sleep.