does your partner help with baby during the night?

[sotough]

I am wondering how often most dads of young babies help out with night feeds/settling baby during night.
I am currently on maternity leave with a four week old DD.
Me and DD sleep in a separate room so that DH has a decent uninterrupted sleep. he does the last feed of the day at 11pm; and then doesn't see us again until he gets up around 7.30/8am. Once a week he is willing to do a whole night of feeds (usually one at 2.30am and then 6am.) so i can have a break. He reckons this is more than most working blokes do, when their wives are on maternity leave. I'd be interested to know if he's right about that. I'd like him to do more but perhaps i'm being unreasonable!

Decided that being that he was getting up every morning to do 12 hour shift, not to get into a debate or argument. I did all the night feeds, BF at first, so he couldn't help. I could always catch up later in day with sleep. No point two people being awake in night.

I have always maintained that DH is a great father between the hours of 7am and midnight. After ghat, they are not his children.

But I always have a lie in at the weekends to catch up.

I say choose your battles, if you are bf, then not much point in him getting up too. Better to try cisleeping and feeding lying down.

The upside is, when they get older and potentially need some sort of sleep training, your DH has to do it because it will be more effective if he does.

But it did seem unfair at times and cause a little resentment - especially when DH complained about being disturbed.

my DS is now 12 weeks and am BF so DH cant do feeds but in 12 weeks he has not got up once. in fact after 2 days at home (came home 22 hours after an elscs under GA after 26 hours of established labour) we moved in to the spare room as DH was too tired and v grumpy. sorry I think if he is doing anything your very lucky. that having been said I give DH hell for not helping out and even if they work full time can they not help on a Friday and sat night?

my DS is now 12 weeks and am BF so DH cant do feeds but in 12 weeks he has not got up once. in fact after 2 days at home (came home 22 hours after an elscs under GA after 26 hours of established labour) we moved in to the spare room as DH was too tired and v grumpy. sorry I think if he is doing anything your very lucky. that having been said I give DH hell for not helping out and even if they work full time can they not help on a Friday and sat night?

We're having 3rd baby in May and DH is currently responsible for getting up with the older two in the night (if necessary). When baby comes I'll be the one getting up in the night with the baby as I'm the only one able to breastfeed . However I will expect him to get up first thing and give me decent lie in!

With dd1 dh would get up and change her nappy while I got comfy and then I did the bf and settled her. I figured he could wake for 5 minutes for nappy and I was doing hour long feeds. DH thought it was fair. He commutes an hour to work everyday but wanted to be involved. dh and I still take turns now to get up to dd (now 3) if she wakes. We sort of lie there until one of us gives in unless something's actually wrong obviously.

Always shared!

My ex-DH did nothing but sleep during the nights, and I didnt get a lie in at weekends either. Whilst I could stomache it when I was on maternity leave, it never imoroved. DD was a light sleeper and woke me approx 4 times a night until she was 4 1/2. I was a deputy head of a secondary school. I part exchanged my ex-dh for an improved model, and am 26 weeks pregnant. It WONT be the same thi time!I dont mind doing the night feeds, as I bf, but I DO want a lie in when I need one, and to be appreciated and valued

DH once said to me something along the lines of it being my job to look after DD, and his job to look after me
Someone said earlier about it not mattering who does what when, as long as you are both happy with it & I think that's spot on. That and knowing that the other will be happy to step in if/when you need it.

i did everything, he worked but coz i was at home he thought i didnt do anything in the day, i used to run downstairs with baby and change and feed her there,after a month i couldnt giv a crap he never woke, if he heard her cry, he'd grunt. the relationship didnt last long after she was 6months old. he used to make comments about how i should cook and clean, he never thought i got up 4 or 5 times in night with baby

I love night feeds. All quiet and peaceful (unlike the daytime when ds1 and 2 are around causing chaos), nice snuggly little baby...but I do well without much sleep, and DH can sleep through a lot of noise. He was amazed to find out recently that ds2 called out for the return of a lost teddy about every other night...
I work FT (am on mat leave now) and am working on my thesis before work in the mornings, so am up at 4:30 most days.
DH is rubbish and miserable if he doesn't sleep. After 15 years or so of knowing him it is still annoying to have to make sure he gets his sleep (but much less annoying than putting up with him when he is tired).
I agree you have to do what works in your family, even if it seems unfair to others.

My hubby took the little one last night and I slept with my eldest. Hes been desperate to have time with mummy and I ve been desperate to sleep. I woke up at 6.30 and felt fab. My hubby has been just a little narky today, lack of sleep no doubt. i am defo making this a regular friday night spot:)

DH would wake, bring DS to me for BF, then return to cot/change nappy etc as a new born, despite working 13 hour days, sometimes six days a week. He asked to do this, saying that DS was OUR baby, not MY baby.

As DS has got older, DH did the night weaning settling (so that DS was away from the parent with the milk)and since he was night weaned has continued to get up at night if and when required.

Having just discussed it with him, he says that he feels it was/is his duty as we are both parents and parenting does not stop at night and I spend most time during the day with DS. When DS wakes up he ALWAYS asks for Daddy!

looking back, dp probably did very little! but i blame no-one but myself tbh. our three were all born quite close together and all bf for varying lengths of time so he couldnt get up tp help in the night to be fair.

although the only time i feel he could have helped more was when ds1 was little. he was a really bad sleeper from about 13months onwards, and i lost count of the number of times i ended up on a cold hard floor trying to put him to sleep, and quite often ending up sleeping there-i was also pregnant with dd! not a good combination.
i will give him his due however, because when ds2 was 5wks old, i ended up with pneumonia, and ds1 had a severe chest infection (he ended up needing hospital treatment) and dp really stepped upto the mark.although i still had to tend to ds2, he made sure ds1 and dd were well looked after.
yes, if i had my time again, i would make sure i asked him for help when i needed it, as he would have defiantely helped!

This must be the biggest cause of resentment- the who is most tired/in need of rest competition. My husband helped with the night changes in the first 2 weeks when on pat leave but since then I do the night stuff- he rarely wakes but he is amenable to me snatching a nap at the weekend.

I have tried to take a nap every other day when my son naps- he is now 13 months and the price we pay is the house is often a mess/less clean than we used to have( my husband has learnt not to comment and i always have a proper meal ready for when he gets home so that is my priority in the housework hierarchy of needs) but I prize my sanity more than a clean house.The nap really helps and i get really irritable when I go a week without a couple of top up naps- blew my fuse this morn about how tired i was after a rough night with teething shenanigans and have sent my hubby to the library for the pirate show that is on today- this is the first time i have been in my house without the baby since he was born and it is bliss!

Frankly if he is at work and so unable to catch a nap during the day,in my opinion it is probably reasonable for you to do most of the night stuff- and he give you some sort of break at the weekend. No good both of you being dog tired every day...that would be even worse.

It is hardest on mum but it is only a short phase in your child's life.

In the very early days with DS, DP helped a lot - handed him to me for feeding etc. BUT he got made redundant then got a new job. After a few weeks his new employer threatened to let him go for 'lacking in fire and enthusiasm ' SO we switched to me doing nearly 100% of the night time stuff so he could perform at work and not get fired. He showed his appreciation when his boss confirmed his performance had improved enough to be kept on, by bringing home some sushi and champagne.

Now we also have a newborn DD and DP will get up for DS if he wakes (not often) and I do everything for DD who is still ebf.

My DH also works very long hours (6.30am-6pm) and so I try to let him get a decent amount of sleep but he can always be called on if I am exhausted! I co-sleep with the baby, and DH spends first half of night with us, then transfers to spare room during an early morning feed so that when his alarm goes off at 5.15 it doesn't then wake us up!
We are just about to have our third baby and this is what worked for us first two times around - will see what works this time around!

TBH honest when I get really knackered, I feed the baby then DH does the pacing around settling the baby - think I am very lucky as he has been brilliant with all of them, and whilst he works long hours, he understands that maternity leave is not the easy option - very young children are exhausting - mums on leave in my experience don't get that much chance to get sleep during the day and I have always found when I returned to work that work was the easy bit!

Short phase my bottom! Someone needs to tell my two and a half year old about sleeping because she can still wake up to ten times a night, on average more like three or four. Haha. I've not had a night off since October, I am so excited that I have one coming up in March. Neeed sleeeeep!

That made me laugh olessaty- but you will still look back soon as it will be gone!!

It felt more like a short phase with my first. It does feel more like a long slog with DD, she's a bit hyperactive, never sleeps and always getting into scrapes, she's a madam, I love her so much, but by gosh I look forward to having a night off. Once my mother has stopped with the day job, evening job and university course, she assures me that I will get some more time off as she likes to see them, right now I only ask my cousin when I reach breaking point.

I know it will be a thing of the past when the two of them hit teenage years and I struggle to get them out of bed and awake, rather than into bed and sleeping.

DH is a night owl and I'm an early person, which helps... I BF and never saw the point of making him wake up for that... He has a long drive to and from work and I don't like the idea of him driving tired so in the week if DD didn't settle I'd do as much as I could.

But... he did an expressed feed with her at midnight and I'd go to bed after her feed at 9, so I generally got to sleep 9.30-4am

If I'd been up all night with her crying (she was often colicky), I'd get him up with her at 0530 so I could have an hour and a half's sleep before he went to work

And if it was the weekend and she was unsettled, we'd divide the night up into shifts (I'll do until 2, you do 2-6, I'll do from 6)

Now she's a bit bigger and sleeps through, we have one lie-in each at the weekend.

Sotough

My DH never did any night feeds as he had to "get up for work" or "might not be able to stay awake holding the baby"and the old chestnut "the bloke I was talking to today doesn't do half as much as I do". To which my answer was "I'm not married to that bloke"

I was pretty resentful and it caused a few rows as she wasn't sleeping at all.(we also did the separate rooms thing) However he did do a lot of house work and took DD in the early evenings so I could go to bed for a few hours and from 5am at weekends so I could lie in so I can't really complain. I think by and large most men are the same. Also I was lucky and she started to sleep through the night at 2 and a half months- so there is light at the end of the tunnel!

dh has never been woken in the night for ds3. he is 8 months and wakes every hour but only re-settles with bf

so i co-sleep with ds3 in another room from dh.

i do all cooking, shopping, and washing, tidying, bills, household organisation etc. we do have a cleaner though.

dh earns the money and does occasionally get up for ds1 or ds2 if they wake but often i do that too.

dh complains that life is crap because the children/babies wake up lots...i get v cross when he says that as i don't see that it affects him at all! and i am pretty tired!

am supposed to be returning to work in a couple of months but i think that would be impossible for our family.

I'm breastfeeding so do all the night feeds with 10 week old DD as I don't see the point of us both being up and DH has a stressful job. He sleeps in the spare room a couple of times a week. I also do all the housework so that we have more quality time together while DH is at home. I think this is fair enough as I'm on maternity leave, and it's much easier than actually doing the job I used to do.

I'm breastfeeding our baby - in the early days DH would get up when I did but I just kept sending him back to bed, there seems no point us both having broken nights and being knackered. He does the cleaning, cooking, shopping... He also looks after her in the mornings so I get a extra couple of hours sleep.

DS is 9months and wakes once a night about 4am (sleeps from around 9pm, then goes back off after feed till about 7.30am in our bed), DH very rarely offers to get up and feed etc, he does do it abt once a week but only cos i've kicked him or had to beg him to do it. i even make up the night feed so that he doesn't have to do that. I'm back at work now, P/T but still do 4days and DH does nothing extra. He will do stuff around the house if i nag or he has no choice, ie not a single clean sock ... we have numerous rows about his lack of help, but nothing works. any tips would be appreciated..