newborn sleep nightmare, officially desperate

[ExistentialistCat]

2 week-old DD2 just won't settle in her crib at night at all. She'll sleep in her moses basket during the day quite happily, though. I've tried all the usual tricks (warming the mattress, swaddling, making a little nest out of a rolled-up blanket etc etc etc). We end up co-sleeping out of necessity but I don't want to, I don't get any sleep like that, and I'm not sure it's safe because DH and I are so extremely dopey now.

I'm averaging 2 hours sleep a night (not all in one chunk) and I just don't know how I can continue like this. I also have a 15 month-old DD1 and it's so unfair on her that I'm a permanently bf-ing zombie during the day.

Does all this settle on its own at the magic 6 week mark or is there something we could do to encourage DD2 to sleep in her crib? How do I survive the next 4 weeks? How much of an influence might bf-ing have, and could a night time bottle of formula help (I ff DD1 and don't remember the sleep issues being quite this bad in the early weeks)?

How did the tummy sleeping go?

DH came into bed last night for the first time since before DD came along (I had terrible insomnia when pg and tossed and turned) and he fucking snored all night - tosser! We are still arguing. He is feeling like he has not time to himself. Doesn't help that he has just gone from working PT and looking after DD1 to working full time. But I just want to rip his head off when he complains. I know I should be sympathetic. I complain all the time, and it is hard for him too. But I have a baby attached to me all day and spend half of it in pain from feeding. I remember having the same arguments in the early stages with DD1.

I wish she would be put down for a few minutes. I'm sick of the sling already! I'm sick of breastfeeding constantly till midnight. I'm sick of trying to get DD into her hammock and getting ready for bed only for her to wake up and insist on being fed into unconsciousness again! I'm sick of all my meals being eaten with a baby strapped on me or with a background of screaming. I'm sick of being so fat but having neither resistance nor energy to exercise. Sorry for the moan.

Oh Bump, you poor thing .

I'm with you. It's all so relentless at this age, isn't it. I long for just half an hour of not having a baby strapped to me and a toddler clinging on to whatever bit she can reach! It doesn't help that DD1's sleep has gone haywire now, too, so I'm often trying to rock her to sleep on my lap with DD2 in the sling. It would be funny if it weren't so hard on my back.

The weight thing sucks. It dropped of me for about 2 weeks and I was thrilled, started eating like it's an olympic sport (so nice, after pregnancy heartburn, to be able to eat full meals again) - and now I'm paying for it. Bah.

It feels like forever at the moment but we KNOW this will pass (she says with conviction that she doesn't really feel but is clining on to!). A few months down the line we'll just remember how snuggly and precious our newborns were and say soppy things of how quickly it all goes .

Hi again, I just can't try the front sleeping thing - I am too worried about cot death to do it. We are carrying on here much in the same vein as before though DD will sleep for up to 5 hours at a time, she is still usually up until 2am with her thrashing around arms waking her up and yelling. It is so frustrating, I hope she grows out of it soon, she obviously gets over tired but there is nothing I can do about it - endless carrying around, patting back, leaving her to it etc none of these help. Thank god it's nearly the weekend and DH will be able to help a bit!!

Hello, sounds like you've been having a terrible time. I just wondered if you would consider trying mother and baby reiki healing. It can really settle you and your baby down, as you've both been getting understandably stressed. Reiki calms and sooths babies, leading to an improved sleeping pattern. It's a gentle yet powerful healing which uses no chemicals or manipulation. Natural therapy pages is a good online directory to find local practitioners, or you can see the information on my webpage www.ntpages.co.uk/theavenues
Good luck
H x

Thank you I will have a look! At least my baby is sleeping for up to 5 hours at a time, it is the settling down bit which goes on for hours before that!!!

Resurrecting this thread for support. Sounds like D0G is having a hideous time, and EC having a non-napping baby. How is everyone else doing? MamaChris, how are the DTs?

DD is actually asleep in her hammock which is very unusual. But last night was a bit hideous, she was screaming in pain, very windy I think.

Thank you for the resurrection, I could do with support, too!

At 10 weeks, DD2 now sleeps only on me in her sling during the day. NOTHING else works. At night, I can decant her from sling to crib via a breastfeed and extended snuggle for about 3 hours, but then she's in our bed from her late night/early morning feed onwards.

I'm not happy with this. I don't really want to cosleep and it's not safe. I can't imagine how we can move from this state of things to anything approaching a bedtime routine.

I'm especially down at the moment because DD1 started to settle all on her own at 10 weeks, so I've been grimly hanging on until this point in the hope that it might magically resolve at 10 weeks. More fool me!

Hi all, our DD2 is now nearly nine weeks old and every evening follows the same hideous pattern of her fighting sleep every step of the way - despite falling asleep when feeding, having a cuddle etc and clearly being tired (and trying to put her down to sleep before she shows the signs of being overtired, doing a bedtime routine with bath then bottle etc) it always ends in her yelling herself to sleep eventually - usuallly around 11pm. Fortunately then she will sleep until 3 or even 4am, feed and sleep some more after that. The arm waving has calmed down a bit and I haven't had a 3am session for a while so things could be a lot worse but the evening sessions are really tiresome and pretty miserable all round. I am at a total loss as to what to do to get her to go to sleep at anything approaching a "normal" time but at least she will sleep for a while when she finally goes off. Hope others are having a better time now...

Another sleep fighter here. After some encouraging progress around 7 weeks (managed to get him to fall asleep in moses with shh/pat if put down very dopey) he seems to have forgotten how to fall asleep altogether. It now takes endless feeding or rocking (while he struggles, kicks and scratches) to send him off. Each day is a constant battle to get him to sleep, for daytime naps and night sleeping. Thankfully he sleeps ok at night - usually 3-hour stretches - but he's averaging 9 or 10 hours in 24 because he keeps missing naps. He was awake aix hours on the trot yesterday, resulting in an epic screamathon. I got really freaked out because he got so worked up he wouldn't even feed. I've always been able to comfort him with the boob, so that was quite worrying.

I am seriously wondering whether he has a genuine sleep disorder. Surely this isn't normal? I thought tiny babies were supposed to sleep 15 hours a day?

CountBapula you have my sympathies - I don't think what you are experiencing is normal per se, though I am guessing the only advice you will get is that he will grow out of it eventually! I am so fed up with every evening being so hideous that I am now considering taking her out to do things like a late night supermarket shop, Ikea, even a walk (which in this weather I am not keen on) -as being at home of an evening with a screaming tired baby is really getting quite depressing and not helping my relationship either!.

So if anyone has any other ideas of late night activities please share them - if I am going to be up anyway I have decided I might as well do something constructive and of course there's a chance that she will fall asleep in the car / pram / supermarket trolley etc!!

I am a new mum with a 2week old baby who won't sleep unless either me or my partner r holding him..
We have tried all advise given to us.. Eg warming up the moses basket with a hot water bottle, swaddling, padding with towels, etc and he is formula fed so only needs feeds every3 hours!! But as soon as we put him down he screams. We r haviing to sleep in shifts I stay up through the night and my partner holds him while I sleep wen he returns from work. I know it is something he has to grow out of but its got to the pint where I am falling asleep with him on my chest and I am terrified he will suffocate . Any tips wud b fab ..

Lots of sympathy, pugsmum. Our DS was like this. How do you get him to sleep? Do you rock him? The trick is (and I still struggle with it at 9wks so it's not foolproof) is to create a seamless transition between you holding him and him being put down. When DS falls asleep in my arms, I drape a blanket round his shoulders and let his body warm it up. Either that or wrap him up before you get him to sleep. Then put one hand under his head and one under his bottom and gently lower him down, still rocking or singing or whatever you've been doing to get him to sleep. Put your cheek against his and say 'shh' if he stirs. Then when he's still, gently move your hands out from under him and peel yourself away. Put your hand on his tummy and sit next to him for 20mins until he's fully asleep - his eyelids might flutter his eyes a bit. If he stirs or wriggles gently shh him again.

It works about half the time. The other times the little eyes ping open and it's really gutting!

It might take a few weeks for him to get the hang of it but keep trying.

Thanx countbapula. Yer we tend to bounce or rock him to sleep he has a touch of colic so a dummy also helps to b honest it doesn't take much effort to actually get hinm to sleeop it once we r holding him its just putting him down and keeping him there!
U have definatly given me some useful tips to try and help him stay sleep so thnx a million wil defo give them a try..
We even tried some co sleeping tricks from others meessages earlier eg putting him on top of the quilt between us with us under it but he screamed as soon as I let go of him! Settled as soon as I wrapped my arms around him and its just too dangerous as I can't guarantee I won't roll on him sleepin that way. Its a lovely feelinng when I grab him and he settles and that he enjoys a good long cuddle but I really need sleep.!!!!

I have been doing the same as CountBapula and it does work, but only when I'm awake enough for it to work properly - in the middle of the night I'm just too tired and end up trying to rush it so it doesn't work. The frustrating thing is when I pick him up again (which I have to do before he starts screaming) as soon as he's back in my arms he's fast asleep again! I keep telling myself he'll grow out of it, but he's 12 weeks now.... I am having some sucess with him sleeping on his front for naps (it stops that bloodly flailing arms relex) but I can't bring myself to at night - am desperate for him to be able to roll over as I think then it's ok for them to go down on his front?

Pugsmum, sorry you are having difficulties. FWIW I have heard a could of mums who have said that the have slept with a baby on their chest propped up on pillows so the don't roll over, so that may be a short term solution. Do you swaddle? DD2 is swaddled every night and that seems to help.

If anyone gets really desperate there is always this

Has anyone thought of different beds? My DD sleeps in an Amby Hammock which we were lucky to borrow from a friend to try before buying it off them.

LOL wiseman, that's not a bad idea! I know what cosmosis means - it's a killer sitting there at 3am with your hand on their tummy, waiting for the little eyelids to stop fluttering, then they suddenly ping open and you're back to square one ... Gaah! One of those hands would be a great idea in our house!

Wiseman, we've considered the amby for DS - how do you find it? He's such a wriggler I'd worry that he'd come crashing out of it. I imagine he'd settle pretty well in there though - he naps well in the car seat because he's upright and it's all cocoony.

lol I actually think that might work for DS!!

How long can you use an amby hammock for?

It's bumperlicious btw, I keep forgetting I've named changed!

Up to 12 months for the hammock apparently. You can get them on ebay. she still won't sleep in it during the day though . And we still have the 'will she won't she stay asleep' dance most nights! It's so frustrating! I know you're supposed to wait until they are in a deep sleep but I'm usually desperate to get to sleep too.

She sleeps 7 hours at night which is great but don't know if that is to do with the hammock or cluster feeding all evening!

I am now bidding on one on ebay, I can always reself if it doesn't work. our daytime naps not such an issue, he will nap in car seat or on bed or sofa whil I read or mn next to him.

Lol cosmosus, when I first read that I thought you meant you were bidding on one of those freaky hands!

lol, it's tempting, although I may try and make one with some tights and cottonwool, a la blue peter

Tried your tips a few times today countbapula but no luck yet even wen I was practically in the moses bsket with him he wud wake up after 10 min and had to comfort him for ages!!! I have tried swaddling but he tnds to wriggle out of it or stil wakes up! He does sleep on my chest and have on occasions slept with him tht way wen at breakin pooint but am terrified he wil suffocate or drop off some how. At the month he is on his tummy fast asleep in his moses bsket with me and my partner watchin him for safety and has been there for half hour so looks promising but I don't think I cud leave him there while I slept is it too dangerous???????

Oh no, sorry to hear that. Keep trying as the weeks go on though. If it makes you feel any better that method totally failed for me tonight. It took 4 attempts to get DS down even after the whole bath, massage, feed shenanigans. Ended up sobbing in frustration, leaving him wriggling around in his moses basket and sending in DH to sort him out

Anyone found a way to get their baby to sleep in the day without holding them?

Today I have tried the hammock, swaddled with the hoover or the hair dryer for white noise, taking her for a walk in the pram, fine, she slept until I got back in the house not having any joy. Any tips anyone?