newborn sleep nightmare, officially desperate

[ExistentialistCat]

2 week-old DD2 just won't settle in her crib at night at all. She'll sleep in her moses basket during the day quite happily, though. I've tried all the usual tricks (warming the mattress, swaddling, making a little nest out of a rolled-up blanket etc etc etc). We end up co-sleeping out of necessity but I don't want to, I don't get any sleep like that, and I'm not sure it's safe because DH and I are so extremely dopey now.

I'm averaging 2 hours sleep a night (not all in one chunk) and I just don't know how I can continue like this. I also have a 15 month-old DD1 and it's so unfair on her that I'm a permanently bf-ing zombie during the day.

Does all this settle on its own at the magic 6 week mark or is there something we could do to encourage DD2 to sleep in her crib? How do I survive the next 4 weeks? How much of an influence might bf-ing have, and could a night time bottle of formula help (I ff DD1 and don't remember the sleep issues being quite this bad in the early weeks)?

Sleepdeprived, my DS was super-fussy in the evenings from about 3 weeks until we started doing early bedtime at 9 weeks. Think it is pretty normal but it is hell, you have my sympathies.

Iwas, well done on today's napping! We have had a good day today. DS seems to have decided he will sleep in the pram again after weeks of screaming in there, so he's had loads of sleep today, and even managed 1hr 20mins on the bed next to me this afternoon which he hasn't done for weeks. He has gained loads of weight in last couple of weeks so wondering if he's feeling more contented and recent weirdness was growth spurt. Only a week away from the magic 12 weeks!

Fingers crossed we all have good nights ...

Having hellish night. Ds woke at midnight to feed and is still awake now and feeding for a third time.

I feel so ill and now my boobs feel engorged today. Now I am wondering if i have mastitis. Of all the nights for this to happen. I am like the walking dead only more tired.

Every time I cough or blow my nose my csection hurts. Is this normal at 5 wks?

At what age did you start to introduce a routine?

Oh dear silversky :(. If it is mastitis best thing to do is feed through it. Take ibuprofen & paracetamol. Go to gp if it gets worse. Wrt swaddling as you mentioned before, have you tried a miracle blanket? We have one & it is great. Get them on amazon.

Morning all, how were your nights? DS managed 4 whole hours straight, but of course i was on edge the whole time expecting him to wake up so i didnt actually manage to take advantage of it. :(

Fussyness was more managable last night, but DP had a bit of a meltdown which was very stressful. He's bascially gettin frustrated that by the time he gets home from work DS is well into his screaming "i-dont-know -what-i-want" mode and DP feels like there's nothing he can do to help calm him. He ended up shouting at DS :( and then feeling bloody terrible and even more useless. Anyone elses DP/ DH have problems like this due to them having to work full time?

Yes, DH certainly had his moments of frustration during the fussy evenings. Sometimes DS would literally start yelling as DH was walking up the garden path! It was hard for him because I could always offer the boob if all else failed. Six weeks on, DH is often better than me at settling DS - maybe because he is stronger and can resist all the wriggling/rock him for longer (he's getting bloody heavy) or maybe it's because he doesn't smell milky. Either way, I start bedtime at around 5.30 pm with small feed, bath, massage and sleepsuit, then DH usually gets home at 7 when I'm doing big feed, swaddles DS and puts him to bed while I make dinner. We started this a week or so ago (DS is 11 weeks). So reassure your DH that evening fussiness doesn't go on forever and he could have an important role in future.

We had a bit of a disjointed night. DH put DS to bed around 8, he was awake again at 10; fed and back in bed by 11.30, up again at 1.30 (I think); I dozed off during feed and woke up at 3.30 ; more feeding; got too frustrated as wouldn't resettle so handed to DH; DS up again at 5.30. Bleurgh. He used to do 4 hours on the trot - how I long for those days now!

not over the sleeping as such but dh andi have certainly had words when the feeding/fussiness/pain was at it's worst and he wanted me to stop (I didn't and he did apologise).

OMG, update (I started this post about 2 hours ago!) I've managed to get DD down for a sleep. I had a friend over for coffee and I knew DD was tired. I swaddled her up, put her in her hammock with some white noise (sounds of the amazon jungle again ) she cried for about five minute then went off. May be a fluke or may be that yesterday is paying off. I don't think I would have had the courage to leave her if it wasn't for my friend who said it just sounded like a complaining cry, not a really worked up cry, and literally within 5 mins she was asleep and has been for 45 mins! I still feel bad for letting her cry though (I did leave her this time too), she was so trusting as I took her up, giving me lovely smiles. God, this is so hard!

Brilliamt Wiseman!

Well we decided to get tough last night. Fed him, put him down asleep. He woke up after about 10 mins and started chattering. We left in incase he settled (ha ha!) and when he got to upset crying, went in and picked him up, held him boucing a bit till he cried himself out. Put him down he cried once more and fell asleep. Had to repeat the process after an hour but then he slept till gone 11 when he woke up for a feed. He then went straight back in his basket till gone 2. This is a major result for us!! (he came into bed after that, but still slept really well, much better than previous nights). I feel so much happier knowing that he doesn't actually cry for that long if you leave him, must have been 10 mins max. And I think crying it out while being cuddled and talked to and kissed by your mum is probably ok :) He was never hysterical, just tired crying. Going to keep at it, but we've both been in much better moods today! he woke up this morning with a massive some on his face for me, so I don't think we've traumatised him

Ooh, how old is your LO, Cosmosis? Wonder if we should try that with DS. Sounds a bit like pick up/put down?

Same here ladies. My week old baby love her moses basket during the day but won't settle in her crib which is in our room at night.

We have now transferred the moses basket upstairs for her to sleep in at night and she now sleeps in her pram downstairs during the day.

Still not perfect as she is still waking lots during the night but it is slightly better. I think she likes the 'give' of the bottom of the wicker moses basket whereas her crib is a flat hard surface with a mattress on the top - it just doesn't feel or look as snuggly as the moses basket or the pram.

No idea what to suggest but am shattered. I am going to start having naps during the day as haven't started doing this yet. When do they start sleeping through the night???

My boy seems to not sleep during the day. Maybe the odd 40min nap which is too short for me to wind down and even start thinking about sleeping.

Turns out I have mastitis so that with severe lack of sleep. A happy camper i am not.

count he's 13 weeks. He did it again this afternoon, 30 seconds of crying and asleep. Bedtime tonight somewhat longer winded but that could possibly partly be jab related as he was a bit hot too. Still only about 20 mins though. yes you are right re pu/pd, I suppose it was a bit like that, only he was pretty much asleep when I put him down. I do think though he sleeps better when he's gone to sleep himself rather than fed or rocked to sleep. When he went to sleep at lunchtime, I put him in his car seat, did up the straps, put him in the car, drove to docs, took him out of the car etc etc and he only woke up in the waiting room!

Also tonight I didn't let him feed to sleep, I stopped when he started dropping off, and that's when the crying started.

daisy re sleeping through, some as early as 6-8 weeks, some as late as 1 year + it totally depends on the baby! you absolutely have to nap through the day though, especially in the first few weeks.

ok so last night he was really really cross!! He slept for 2.5 hours, which is unusual for the early part of the night, he usually wakes after the first sleep cycle. He woke at 10, and was hungry (I had already decided if he woke at 10 or later it would be hunger, if earlier, no feeding). It took 15 mins to get him back in his basket, but he then slept again till 12.30 and feed again, back in his basket fine till 3. So I do think we are starting to crack it.

I am going to try o e of those miracle blankets. I see MotherCare sell them so will pick one up as we need to go there anyway. It may be our miracle cure!

We tried a White noise app last night. Worked when we held him. Did bugger all when in his Moses.

What to do!? Another bad night - slept 9-130 which is ok. I would normally have woken him to feed or he would have woken but we both were fast asleep. Well he fed a 130 and was screaming and then finally feeding again and eventually he decided henwas fired enough to go in his Moses at 5.15am. He then woke again at 630. Knackered? Us? As if!! Bloody hell we are on our knees.

Ds is now asleep but on me!!! Need to get him to like his Moses.

silv have you tried co-sleeping (I can't remember if we've already talked about it or not?) it may be what you need to do in the short term. We are currently transitioning from the bed to the basket and it's going ok.

cos unfortunately cant co-sleep. DH moves around too much in bed and our bedroom layout means its not possible. Also I'd be a nervous wreck. Have had some success today with swaddling so I am hoping that it will work this evening as well.

I've already got a stress headache dreading tonight. Its like the night before you know you've got to get up really really early. You feel a bit on edge and cant relax and you know your quality of sleep is going to be very poor.....

Cosmosis sounds like things are the same for you as me. After the first day of crying for an hour while I bounced her she has gone down in her hammock several times since. Occasionally crying but this afternoon just gave me a smile then I didn't hear a peep out of her and actually woke her after 2.5 hours! (I didn't want her going much longer without feeding).

She even snoozed (on a cushion) for an hour and a half last night before going down which is unheard of. But my punishment for that break was for her to wake up at 4.30am which is unusual for her. This might be a consistent pay back I get for getting a break in the day time.

But, despite my nap time progress I'm not bowing out of this thread yet as I know that will jinx it! I will stay and commiserate with you guys until you crack it.

Defo rate the miracle blanket btw. How long can you swaddle them for? That is the only real sleep association she has so not keen to lose it any time soon.

Oh, and more crap for us, we (DD1 and I have) have headlice - yuk! So the time DD2 was asleep was spent combing them out.

iwas, so when you put her down, are you putting her down awake?

Am in two minds about whether to try this approach on DS. The other day he was really overtired just before we were going to go out somewhere and was shouting a lot. I couldn't calm him down by holding him (often the case - he's not very cuddly) so I put him in his chair and ran around him trying to get the pram ready etc. I felt bad because he was going bananas, but I was hoping once I got him in the pram the motion would soothe him and he'd go to sleep. Anyway, after 10mins of quite frenzied crying, he just stopped. Just like that. And started smiling at me. It was really quite bizarre. I've heard that some babies release tension by crying and picking them up seems to just annoy them. Think DS might be like this, but am worried that if I call his bluff and leave him to cry for a bit, he might go on for hours, I'd feel shit and it would end up making things worse.

Depends how desperate we get I suppose. He is in a much better mood generally these days and he sleeps consistently in the evening now following bedtime routine, but has taken to waking every 1.5-2 hrs at night for 45-min bfs, which is killing me ...

Ooh sounds like night time is a killer. As for down awake/asleep it's been half and half. I never thought she'd go down awake. She does complain a bit but I no longer feel bad as she is almostva transformed baby so she really does need it. And I am a transfomed mum! During the day we have been using a white noise app. T
Yesterday she woke after 30 mins or so and I just restarted the app, she complained a bit but went back to sleep. I think I haven't been giving her enough time. But tbh I wouldn't have wanted to let her cry at any younger than this.

4am again. This is my punishment for finally getting her to sleep in the day. And dh has flu so my weekend is up shit creek...

Argh! Sorry to hear that, iwas. Am sure it'll get straightened out again soon. She probably just needs to get used to the new daytime pattern.

We had a good night after weeks of scrappy sleep. DS managed 8pm to 11pm so DH and I actually had a nice relaxing evening together. Then he went back down without a whisper at midnight and stayed asleep til 5am! Couldn't believe it! Got him back down at 6ish but woke himself up at 7 by farting (!). Still, a very good effort from the little chap. Even if it all goes to shit again tonight, at least I've had a decent stretch for the first time in ages. Just got to finish this feed now and then DH is going to amuse him for a bit while I go back to bed

Hope everyone else had OK nights.

Well we had a pretty good night. Not much crying to get to sleep. He woke every 2 hours for a feed, but seeing as he'd not fed much in the day I'm not surprised. It was ok though as he was really easy to put back in his basket, so only came in to our bed at 4am! really pleased with that. And this morning for his nap he fell asleep on me and I put him down and he didn't stir.

I agree Iwas, I'm a lot happier leaving him to cry abit now than I was. A friend was asking me if I thought that was because I was getting used to him cry so it didn't affect me as much, but it's not that, I think his crying has changed. He used to be really upset by it, but now he's cross and frustrated, and it's different. He seems to be really trying to settle himself, but just isn't quite there yet.

sorry about the flu and the 4am :(

4.30. This is becoming a pattern

We had a crap night as well. DS woke up every hour and a half to enjoy a spot of cluster feeding. He was feeding on and off from 1.30am to almost 4am! Argh. Must be yet another growth spurt. Feel half dead today.

IW & Baps having had two horrific nights I thought that was going to be my life for the forseeable future.

We've had a couple of improved nights thanks to the swaddling.

Last night DS slept from 11pm - 4am, fed for an hour, put him back down at 5.15am (took me awhile to work out the swaddle again!) and he went back down awake with a white noise app and nodded off until about 7am when my coughing woke us all up, but he was just chatting so didnt rush to get up and feed him.

Believe it or not, he's asleep now and has been for about an hour or so! I cant believe it. He's not swaddled either but he does have a little cold which may be why he is snoozy again today.

If I get the chance I am going to nap today cos I am not taking it for granted that this is gonna last.