Ethos of AIBU board?

[Icantbelieveitparent]

I am relatively new to MN and I started a discussion in AIBU

I responded to posters throughout what I thought was a dicussion, whether I agreed with them or not, and not in a horrible way.

I was criticised. Is this board not for discussion or am I just taking too much of these posters - I know sniping does go on but am a bit perplexed...

Where should I have put a thread where I was prepared to respond and discuss?

...is this one in the right place FGS!

generally starting a thread in aibu isn't recommended for the fainthearted lol...

i'm not stalking you btw - it just came up in active and you look a bit lost...

Nothing wrong with responding and discussing on any topic, including AIBU. Surely no one has said you shouldn't be responding in an AIBU thread?

You can't complain about being 'criticised' though. If you disagree with any of the critical comments, obviously respond appropriately and defend yourself, or adjust your position if you feel anyone is making a valid point.

There used to be a disclaimer at the top of AIBU threads that said something along the lines of:

This topic gets very heated and people tend to post their opinions whether they correspond with your own or not.
Be veerrrrry careful of what you post because the chances are it will end up in a bunfight with you on one side and everyone else on the other side.

Or words to that effect.

If you want a genuine discussion, start a thread in either "chat" or a topic relevant to the subject matter.

I haven't read the thread that you talk about so can't comment on individual posts (yet ) but AIBU does tend to dissolve into a scrap

Message withdrawn

I found the disclaimer:

Note: This topic, as you might guess from its title, encourages posters to take sides. This means that posters tend to express their opinions. If you don't want to read posts from people who might strongly disagree with you, you might prefer to post in a different topic area on our site.

Or, as pruners says, you could block AIBU. but then you have to look somewhere else for a bunfight

Hi, Icantbelieveitparent - we're sorry you're feeling perplexed.

The AIBU topic does tend to have rather more fighting robust discussion than other topics on our boards.

That's why we have a disclaimer at the top of the threads saying: 'This topic, as you might guess from its title, encourages posters to take sides. This means that posters tend to express their opinions. If you don't want to read posts from people who might strongly disagree with you, you might prefer to post in a different topic area on our site.'

Having said all that, we have to confess that the disclaimer did disappear for a while and we've only just replaced it .

typical AIBU thread:

AIBU?
yes
fuck off you can't say that to me
fuck off yourself you stupid twat
that's a personal attack and I'm reporting it
go on then you nobbo
fuck off
fuck off
fuck off
fuck off

ah, Helen, that explains why I couldn't find it, then all of a sudden - magically - it was there again!

Ah - ok i get it

No Flowery I was not complaining of being criticised, but referring to being criticised by other posters for responding to their opinions.

I have never had this before - one poster said 'we' (I mean this implies they are ganging up and have secret code LOL!) and another has calle me unpleasant. I am not sure where my opinion gathering went wrong, but I will take on board what you guys have said here.

No more AIBU - so much for democracy - I will however print it off and review my own posts, I aim to be responsible member of MN

oh, AIBU's great if you accept what you're getting into.

fwiw, I've now read your thread and I didn't think you were coming across as particularly unpleasant or judgmental - you seemed to be genuinely trying to gauge the opinion of other mumsnetters

For a simple "yes" or "no" answer, you could start a "mumsnet poll" thread in "chat" asking for opinions.

don't, however, fall into the trap of thinking that anyone will give you a simple "yes" or "no" answer, they'll give you their opinions anyway

please tell me you are a troll?

no-one on this earth can be that sensitive that they object to the use of 'we'?

please?

Icantbelieveitparent you arn't responding, just having a pop at everyone who disagres.
It is an interesting thread, but youcan't complain if someone says yabu if you ask.

Sorry you had a bad experience!
AIBU is a bear pit. The only part of MN where you can guarantee reason will be in short supply.

I agree with Pruners. Hiding it is a god ploy, but unfortunately the people who thrive in AIBU tend to escape in full screech to other parts of the board!

blu, please look at the thread, no one has been "mean" on it, just of course some people will disagree,

You're all wrong! Wrong I tell ya! WE think you all are, that is me and my multiple personalities.

We are right and we say that whatever this argument is about, it is fundamentally wrong if it disagrees with us. And as you don't know what we agree with you cannot disagree with us therefore we are right and you are wrong!

Lesson one.
If you are a wuss who is going to have an utter fit of the vapours any time anyone ever disagrees with you, the Internet is not for you.
Now go and learn to paint watercolours of kittens playing with balls of wool or something.

Message withdrawn

please can i make a complaint? (in an innocent voice, natch.) the OP warned me to 'be careful' - this must mean that she will hunt me down and do unspeakable things to my children! (eh? oh, right, it doesn't? just like the use of 'we' doesn't imply a secret code? oh, thanks for clearing that up!)

really not trying to cause offence, but sheesh.

Those posting in AIBU must be prepared for strong responses from both sides. It can be evil but great fun. You need rhino hide sometimes to get through it and come out alive at the end if you are the OP!!

Well I have just read through the thread and I did agree with a number of posters and not with others - and it has overall helped me to gain a general feeling about the OP - so in hindsight about the OP I can see I may have been a bit quick to judge. However I do not think the majority of the last page served of much use to anyone.

By posing this question here under site stuff I have gained a better understanding of whats what and of certain MNetters views.

MAD I am sorry you felt it necessary to come on here after I have made this effort.

why do you keep shouting 2SHOES on there. I am not deaf.

SQUONK & Rhubarb

YOU MADE ME SMILE Thank YOU

had already apologised on the other thread my dear, so need to go all apologetic on me - it was a x- post.

i was merely trying to point out how ludicrous your complaint was, but as you turned up sane on the other thread i apologised for it there. but i'll accept your implied criticism of my appalling manners was merely a result of your own x-post, and not take it too seriously.

i am intrigued by what you have learnt about certain mnetters views, though.

Mad I truly wanted to know what people thought, it maybe wasnt the best AIBU topic but I could put links in to three media article all quite short about this but then I might expose RL ID (have I put this right?)

I do know more from first hand but I cant say more arrgggghhhh I assure you I am not 'playground' person as someone said. I hope to inform anyone who is interested of what does happen fully and fruitfully!!!

I dread to think what the nighttime brigade are gonna add on now - think I'll just sit back and read it (if can manage that)