What are your top tips for making family life work ?

[carriemumsnet]

While we wait with bated breath for the results of our work/life balance survey we thought we'd tap you for your top tips on how you make family life work, in terms of work/life balance, family time, sharing responsibilities for children/ house /money etc

How do you make the parenting partnership (great phrase eh? ) work in your house?

top tips

-teamwork with regard to parenting essential never cross each other with regard to discipline

-respect - both educated adults one cleans bogs the other heart surgery - both equals

• sex essential and like Pruners/ Harpsichordcarrier said - this is not a flippant comment

talk talk talk - all you ever do is talk talk YES we do and sometimes i say i must bore him but we do get on

friends - our friends are the same we have this mutual bond

tidy ordered home

i am a bit obsessional but some friends homes cause me stress...cant see the wood for the trees

kids not chilled if its too disorderly

I'm loving the genres on this thread (apologies in advance to all those people I offend):

1. Teddies on the bed: 'never go to sleep on an argument' and other cliches. Oh puhleese. The very best relationships are those fostered on festering resentment and grunting 'trying VERY hard not to make any bodily contact' for 3 weeks, until it all blows up in the kitchen with that kind of shouting-whispering that you do that STILL makes the kids look kind of bemused...

1. Anal retentives: YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY FUNCTION IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN and an organiser and a series of targets and never sit down on the sofa with a bottle of Cava when you could be dusting for god's sake. Order macht frei!

1. Hippies and lentil-weavers: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, feckit. Let the kids run round naked and choose their own Home Ed topics and let them make up their own rules and you get to lie back in your hand-woven goatfur cushions and chuck a few dandelion leaves at them once in a while.

1. Yummymummies: it's crucial to have sex. You must! Must... and never, ever let him see you shaving your legs or inserting a tampon. And even if your third degree scar still leaves you chafeing and you have had no more than 3 hours average a night of sleep for 4 years, you must shag...

LOL

missing from no 4 - plenty of bjs to keep him happy

DH sat in the garden this morning as per my previous posts. He said to me, go on I dare you, run in and post that it is 6.15 a.m and we are sitting in the garden chatting.

Joint bank account, into which he pays all the money!!

We have a whiteboard and corkboard which has all the details of what we are all up to, shopping list, bills to pay, jobs that need doing, pocket money earned ... I love it! We call it the motherboard - here it is

I disagree re going the 'never going to sleep on an argument'. I much rather stop verbal diarrea and go to sleep in the spare room than talk nonsense and wind eachother up till the early hours, especially with new baby. With some sleep everything is much rosier in the morning.

what worked for us till now is:

• remember to back eachother up always, especially when confronted with children's cunning abilities to divide and destroy. if in disagreement always discuss it after said child has left the room.

• regularly have time on our own separately to remember who we are and have time alone just the two of us to remember how we were pre-children.

• remember to say thank you often and aknowledge how hard we each work to keep this boat afloat.

• share chores whatever way works.

• laugh.

• have sex.

• feign super interest - as if in a first date - when he tells you aboout that time he was in australia blah blah for the millionth time.

• remember that if he doesn't look like when you met you probably don't either.

• remember that fighting about the state of the house is never about the state of the house.

• weekend together in a messy house doing exactly what we all fancy.

• have a cleaner if you can.

• meal plan (this is never achieved but it will definitely improve my life)

• never let children and dhs go hungry or tired (god has spoken!!!)

sorry did not mean to write a dissertation on the subject!

Be kind to each other

re the never let him see you shave your legs (willself) dp has seen me doing some unmentionables

my whole family see me perioding and all that goes with it

i have had 6 pregnancies so another cart load of unmentinables

but sex still v important - despite above - i try to stay attractive-ish

I luckily tell dp he is fanciable all the time

occasionally people tell him i am which helps!

i also ask him if i am boring or at least say "i know i am"

I am an LP so also don't count but in my family life what always makes things work better is prioritising sleep. If I have had enough sleep, I can cope so much better if the DC's haven't.

Also I disagree that wine is the answer. I've found that drastically cutting back and saving it for special occasions, means I sleep better (see point 1 and enjoy it more when I do have it.

LOL at all Pointydog's tips.

Never ask 'do you fancy her'?

lol KM

Yeah, I agree with LB about wine or alchhol per se. Too bad habit forming and you forget how to talk to each other when not apprasing throgh merlot coloured specs

Though I'm sure everyone knows not to take any advice from me!

Talk to your kids and make sure they are included in decisions wherever possible.

train babies to crawl off to dh when they've pooed.

God, parenting with a hangover is the worst IMO.

Had a boozy special occasion lunch yesterday and trying to read Charlie and Lola to DD1 at bedtime was like nails down a blackboard. And I normally love reading to the DDs.

Couldn't imagine feeling like that all the time.

However I am particularly susceptible to hangovers and deal with them very badly, always have.

LOL at this thread.

Agree with the sex life one.

The things you can't stand about your family members are usually the flipsides of the things you love - can't have one without the other.

Routine is great but it's for your family, your family does not exist for the routine.

Fresh air and exercise makes life easier.

We take each day as it comes.
Always have a project in pipeline (usually house related), which one of us takes lead on.
We laugh alot at ourselves regularly!
We try and pick the right battle ,ignoring the no winners!

It's a cliche, but "Dont' sweat the small stuff".

Value everyone's contribution, rather than obsessing about what they don't do.

Tell all members of your family that you love them on a regular basis.

sex
chocolate
alcohol

Marriage Counselling.

Marvellous.