Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

What are your top tips for making family life work ?

255 replies

carriemumsnet · 30/06/2008 15:45

While we wait with bated breath for the results of our work/life balance survey we thought we'd tap you for your top tips on how you make family life work, in terms of work/life balance, family time, sharing responsibilities for children/ house /money etc

How do you make the parenting partnership (great phrase eh? ) work in your house?

OP posts:
WilfSell · 01/07/2008 22:47

pointy, you will have to take your own medicine and strip away your (own) dead wood

Flum · 01/07/2008 22:52

Flossish we did all that, and he did everything. Then we had kids and we went back 100 or so years. Now he no longer cooks.

He did change nappies with the first baby, I think it was a bit of a gimmick. So much so that it took him nearly a week to notice dd2 was out of nappies and potty trained.

pointydog · 01/07/2008 23:06

I am sandpapering myself as we speak

control

Tortington · 01/07/2008 23:15

we both work - he gets home after me. i get more flexible time with work - so i do the day to day - he does agreed designated 'one offs' like put washing away, iron kids unifrom mon morning, put the bins out and remember dinner money.

i cook -i hate it
ds2 washes up - £5 per month for dishes eery day.
he also vaccumes living.dining room and cleans dinging table

dd cleans kitchen sides and sweeps.

in return they get a roof over their heads.

i constantly remind them that thi amily is a team and cooking, tidying, washing, drying etc is not exactly my idea of fun times either
in short everyone has their tasks. they know it there is no confusion.

sallystrawberry · 01/07/2008 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamez · 02/07/2008 01:14

Everyone in the family has the right to a certain amount of time to do exactly what he/she wants (OK this applies rather more to the adults than the DC but is worth applying to teenagers as well within reason). Everyone in the family is a person in his/her own right, not just in relation to the family.
And keep your definition of 'family' open wide.

Swedes · 02/07/2008 01:41

Don't give very small children unnecessary choices (would you prefer rigatoni or fusilli? or do you want to wear the blue dress or the pink dress?).

If a young child makes a request try very hard to be accommodating. That way you will say no rarely.

If you say no stick to it.

Don't shout.

Make sure everyone gets sufficient sleep.

Never lose your sense of humour.

Eat together as often as possible.

For teenagers, make sure you give them quality advice when they need it.

Teach your children (age appropriately) how to sew on buttons, polish shoes, make tea, re-pot a plant, sweep the drive, mow the lawn, bake a cake, make a bed, work the washing machine, cook the odd basic meal, peg out washing.

Make your home somewhere where people of all ages are welcome.

Swedes · 02/07/2008 01:55

Was in bed but remembered the most important thing of all!

Silence is hugely under-rated.

EffiePerine · 02/07/2008 06:43

I like WS's 'be polite, or be funny'
works 9% of the time

be kind to each other

think before you go off on one

EffiePerine · 02/07/2008 06:44

99% I mean

WilfSell · 02/07/2008 07:15

I remembered rule 11: boys need feeding at least every two hours (including the DH). Otherwise WW3 breaks out.

In the spirit of family harmony, much toast is consumed.

DaddyJ · 02/07/2008 09:42

Try and fit in some exercise and a social life.
Well, try..

ahundredtimes · 02/07/2008 10:12

Don't be a patsy or a control freak. Let your partner do some of the work, not as you'd like it done, but as they do it. And shut up about it.

Say 'thank you'. Just randomly really, just wander through the house and thank the people you live with. Oddly in this house they don't say 'what for?' they say 'no problem.'

Works in this house. Those are my top tips - don't be a patsy or a control freak and random thanking of family members for sometimes nothing at all.

Pointy has made me laugh on this thread a great deal. Thanks for that Pointy, thank you.

ahundredtimes · 02/07/2008 10:12

Oh and I nearly forgot my other best advice that I apply to pretty much all situations, and I think fits nicely in here too:

Go for walks.

Walnutshell · 02/07/2008 10:16

"By pointydog on Tue 01-Jul-08 20:23:23
cut out the dead wood.

Set aims and objectives and penalise those who don't reach them. This ain't no disco, this is Life for Achievers."

LOLOL, laughing at that will get me through the day

clutteredup · 02/07/2008 10:24

Do fun stuff together and laugh together - sometimes we don't laugh for quite a while and when we do its so cathartic. If I have a day out with the DC we laugh a lot and it reminds me how much fun they are and how much I love them and i don't shout at them for an hour or two longer than usual.
This goes for DH too.

lavenderbongo · 02/07/2008 10:46

Eat dinner together around the table as much as you can - so you can talk as a family.

Make time for just you and DH/DP alone - this tends to be very tricky but is very important otherwise you tend to forget who you are (eg not just mummy or daddy).

Agree with everyone else who said it is very important to laugh together.

cmotdibbler · 02/07/2008 10:50

Decide on your priorities - as a family with two full time jobs, we don't have the garden or making the house immaculate and beautifully decorated high up on our list. Neither is a social life as individuals or as a couple (rather than a family). This leaves us with the maximum amount of time to do things as a family at weekends and evenings.

Internet shopping and banking deals with a lot of the admin stuff that would eat into that time too.

We share responsibility for everything equally, and if its proving a problem, we have done lists of absolute tasks

AnAngelWithin · 02/07/2008 10:59

spend as much time with the kids and DH as possible. Before you know it, they will have left home!! Try and eat at least one meal around the table together (sometimes not practical when DH is home late from work ie past kids bedtime)

make lots of cookies and cakes together!

walk the dog together as a family loads

we all chip in together as a team to get things done. IE on housework day, kids are all responsible for stripping their own beds, then help me put the clean ones on (damned high sleepers adn bunk beds!!) 15 minutes before tea is ready i shout that tea will be soon and we all run round having a mass tidy up, make a game and a laugh of it. gets done twice as quick then!!!

on a practical (boring) note:
meal plan
do my household budget on spreadsheets and adjust weekly (on friday, payday!)
anything not done by 8 at night, its tough! time needed for me and with DH.
Try to prepare tea before I do the school run in the afternoon so that as soon as kids come home and homeowrk is done, we can do fun stuff together!

lucyellensmum · 02/07/2008 11:09

learn how to say stuff the housework

CountessDracula · 02/07/2008 11:39

Don't have children
life v easy then (i seem to remember)

Ladytophamhatt · 02/07/2008 11:41

don't get married and don't have children.

simple, when you think about it.

UnquietDad · 02/07/2008 11:55

I think backing each other up, mentioned earlier, is a hugely important one. The one time this didn't happen recently with me and DW it caused huge ructions.

littlemissloopy · 02/07/2008 12:04

Generally, if DH is happy then we are all happy...
So...I agree with the "think before you nag" comment.

HuwEdwards · 02/07/2008 12:25

Parenting Partnership?

Crikey, not aware that we have one. We bumble around making some decisions on the spot, thinking through some other stuff, bump into each other for a brief and often interrupted conversation then continue bumbling around being inconsistent, and prevaricating for as long as we can hold out.