What are your top tips for making family life work ?

[carriemumsnet]

While we wait with bated breath for the results of our work/life balance survey we thought we'd tap you for your top tips on how you make family life work, in terms of work/life balance, family time, sharing responsibilities for children/ house /money etc

How do you make the parenting partnership (great phrase eh? ) work in your house?

Yes keep the shagging going, if if you reeeeeeaaaaallly don't want to. it will be much better than you think, u might even enjoy it

Absolutely Flum, that is what I keep telling my husband

Cherish - deffo
Pick your battles - is it REALLY worth it?
Give and take (usually DH gives, I take!)
Never EVER EVER go to sleep on an argument, even if it means screaming talking at 2am to get things resolved

Communication is a big thing for me, as soon as the communication lines start to fall, we need to work hard at getting things back on track.

I am only here on MN now as I am a Wrestling Widow tonight, but again thats compromise, he gets to watch wrestling for 3hrs tonight, but he is doing the ironing while he does it.

Wow ironing and wrestling. impressive. My Dh does bugger all but he does produce Gin and Tonics each evening and tell me I am beautiful and a great mum. I forgive him everything then. He is talented at skiving, and flattery.

So another tip. Use lots of flattery to get your own way.

1. Separate bathrooms

1. Not taking each other too seriously

1. Putting the marriage on equal par to children.

(21 years together so far!)

Have scrolled down to find out what Anna has said to cause controlfreaky such consternation, and can't find it. Was it something about not needing rules because her family are so in tune with each other that they aren't necessary?

Always think the best not the worst of each other - recognise that everyone is working hard to make it work, even if you feel it is only you that is holding it all togetehr.

Men are not incapable of sorting out clothes/school bags/laundry/packed lunches!

Make time for one on one time with all members of the family each week (including your spouse)!

If you are doing stuff for school make sure you do the big bang stuff that buys lots of school credits to keep in the bank for the times when work is so hectic that you can't man a stall at the Christmas fair/can#t attend the christmas fair at all/can't attend christmas!

Take lots of photographs of everyday things, and encourange the people looking after your children to do so too. When you've bust a gut getting to the school concert/sports day you might not be in the mood to enjoy it but by the time you have the photos in your hand only the positive memories remain (within reason)!

If you are senior enough, never try to explain your absence to your staff - you are just 'unavailable' for the afternoon. But don't then take the photos from the above para into work to show off! In fact don't take any photos into work - they aren't really intersted in them and it will only open up endless hours of having to gaze adoringly with extreme boredom at everyone elses children/dogs/horses.

Most large corporations use outsourcing for a good reason - emulate their forward thinking in the home (although admittedly some companies are shit at this - so only copy the good ones)! Get whatever support you can afford in the home - remember there are 50 shit weeks in teh year if you don't have a cleaner - are you sure that 2 weeks in the sun is worth 50 shit weeks!

Be clear about why you work - this helps with the guilty feelings.

Don't worry about feeling guilty if you are a WOTHP - loads of us feel guilty at least for some of the time. Just think of it as joining an elite gang of guilt monsters

An annual review and organisational meeting in September (and a mid-year one in January) to plan holidays, time with children etc

Constantly looking for new efficiencies on chores and errands.

Living day to day / month to month just doesn't cut it.

And when each member of the family has medium and long-term projects and ambitions, the rest just falls into place IME.

well you did ask....

like the photos
we did a vidro of ds3 tellign us "how oyu fo to bed"

very funny
flum yes sadly i am
and god osmetimes ROWS bore me(not often we dotn row more than once a month)
so we go to bed an forget about it

Annual review? Targets?

Do you have milestones and achievement records and quality assurance procedures too?

I think you probably need to just get outside and sit on a blanket with a bottle of wine and some M&S sausages a bit more, mate.

I read somewhere that the marriage has to be the most important thing in the family and everyone has to know that and theat helps children to learn the importance of making the effort in relationships. So it is acceptable to boot the kids out of your room on a Sunday morning for time with each other, even if it isn't for shagging !

I just had supervision with DH

He feels I am progressing well

I took the minutes

ehemmm. i was responding to soapbox by quoting from anna's posts.... those are not my views or life plan (5 year or otherwise.... carry on.

We tell ours that on a Wed night when teh nanny babysits and they moan about us going out! 'We need time together to remember the interesing people we were before we had you'

MP, have you appraised your relationship with a SWOT analysis?

ah OK CFAgain. Now I understand (mad Anna moment). As you were...

mine can't BEAR the idea that we knew each other and had a (very enjoyable) life before they were born, just can't bear it!

When all else fails, resolve to practice good manners with your partner for the rest of the day. It's tough to stay very angry when someone is polite and considerate.

With kids - don't expect them to have good days every day, you don't. Sometimes it's just a shitty day, it will end and tomorrow will be better.

When first setting up home with a partner, even before the thought of children enter your minds - set clear boundaries! Get the balance right in the early days and it will pay dividends in years to come. This may need to involve shouting, tantrums and tears but all this including the boundary setting will be very good practice for the future.

If the partner thinks it is normal to do the cooking/cleaning/washing/tidying/all of the above they will continue to do this always. Mess up at this stage and you will forever rue the day when you see your more men savvy friends relaxing on the sofas while DH/DP scurries round in the kitchen cooking your dinner.... (the voice of experience calling from the kitchen sink here).

Oh dear Floss.... is he still being a total arse then ??

Nope not at all really - just wish, having recently stayed with my friends who didn't do the cooking, only worked a few hrs a week and felt hard done by having to do bath time after her DH washed up the meal he had just cooked that I had done the above!!

Things are generally much much calmer here now. He can still be an arse but I'm happy with my arse (if only!!)

lol @ mp's supervision

We have analysed ourselves as a family. Dh is cash cow, dd1 is rising star and I am dead duck.

i am cow, dh is cowed, dss are cowboys...

forgot the