Why was my post deleted?

[BlackMilk]

Hi,

I posted a comment on the AIBU thread about the woman babysitting her friend’s baby and it got deleted. I genuinely have no clue what guidelines I’ve broken. Would you be able to tell me please?

There are other comments on there calling the friend a “fucking leech” and they are allowed but not mine?

Looks like yours was reported but the 'leech' one wasn't.

Can you say roughly what it was you said (I didn't see it?)

Also, can you post a link to the thread?

It was a little bit harsh to be honest but I wouldn’t have thought to the point it broke talk guidelines.

It said that she should help her friend access help but otherwise set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
It also said she shouldn’t go round talking to her friend’s mum/ husband/ hv because she was making a lot of presumptions about the situation and that she should back off, not get deeper involved.
I did say she was being ridiculous (as in by getting over involved) and that I thought she must be enjoying the drama to come on here and give all the details.
I wouldn’t have been so harsh if it wasn’t in AIBU.
Maybe it was too mean? A lot of the other comments are much worse though.

“It was a little bit harsh to be honest” there’s your answer then.

Very occasionally I do see them delete comments that I can't see are actually nasty or break any guidelines. It's weird.

Mostly I agree with ones that are deleted but occasionally you'll wonder why they deleted certain ones

I don’t know how to post a link to the thread but it’s called To tell this friend I can’t continue to give this level of help

Similar happened to me @BlackMilk . No idea why. The mind boggles.

But not enough to break guidelines as far as I can tell

Less likely to be deleted for being harsh to a third party mentioned in the OP, than to the OP herself, as it can't be deemed a personal attack. If they'd called the OP a leech, they'd probably have been deleted (if reported).

If you'd called the OP a fucking leech you could be reported and deleted.

But you just called a third party a fucking leech.

Well, as your post isn't there anymore it isn't possible for us to guess!

This is Site Stuff. It’s where you can ask the moderators. I’m not expecting an answer from other users.

I didn’t call anyone that, if you read my posts. That was someone else on the thread.

Sorry, you're quite right!

Ah okay, thanks for that.

What makes you think it's ok to attack posters because they post in aibu though? What is it that makes people think it's fair game? A personal attack is never ok, on any part of the site.

This is undeniable.

You can say anything you want (as long not racist or something) about the person who is the subject of the post but you can’t say insulting things about the OP. Just need to give your opinion with careful use of words. Sometimes I think mumsnet go too far with the deletion, particularly if an OP is being unkind about a third party but no one is allowed to be unkind to the OP.

Yeah you can say you think the things someone are saying are unpleasant or rude but you can't call another poster a direct insult. You can disagree but if someone finds it too personal and reports then it's usually removed.

Try and think of how you could've said what you did in a less offensive way. Making it plain it's your opinion on how someone seems or sounds by their words on here or by their actions in OP. Rather than an attack on their character.

It’s this bit-
I did say she was being ridiculous (as in by getting over involved) and that I thought she must be enjoying the drama to come on here and give all the details

That may not have used offensive language but it is an attack on the OP.
A bit like if I were to say ‘you’re being ridiculous posting on site stuff about getting a deletion. You're obviously a real drama queen.’.

Can you see how it’s a bit different when you say it about the person posting? You aren’t just disagreeing or offering a different opinion, you are saying she’s ridiculous.

I didn’t attack anyone though. It was phrased more harshly than if it had been posted in Mental Health for example. It is generally accepted on MN thst AIBU is the place for robust discussion. If I thought it was excessively harsh, I would not have posted it and as I said, many of the other comments were much, much harsher and did not get deleted.

That makes sense, thanks.

Ok, thanks. I get that. That’s a useful way of looking at it.

@PrizedPickledPopcorn
Ok, yes. I see the difference. Thanks.

It was probably that then because there really wasn’t anything else I can think of.
I’m not complaining that the comment was deleted. I was just trying to figure out what I said wrong.