Another thread on 'active' being destroyed

[saraclara]

A parent who posted about her children in care, on the fostering branch, is being ripped apart, unfairly.

This is only happening because her thread appears on active/trending/whatever, so people who have no idea about anything are abusing and judging her.

I've reported some posts, but what really needs to happen in these circumstances, is HQ quickly removing the thread title from active. Some particular branches' OPs need this kind of protection.

Can you please consider this?

Agree. I flagged the same issue a few weeks ago on a thread from a DV victim who was ostensibly asking AIBU about whether a friendship was appropriate that her partner was complaining about. The worst part was people who hadn’t even read about the DV taking the query at face value and telling her to end the friendship, the worst message she needed - virtually all of whom changed tack once the context was flagged by other posters.

But surely that shouldn’t give people the right to be nasty bullies?

Agreed - i saw it and the response was cruel and disproportionate

Exactly. And that previous thread had no bearing on that exctremely simple question that the OP was asking tonight. So there's no excuse for anyone bringing it up.

I completely agree. How hard must it be to be in such a vulnerable state and come on here hoping for a bit of kindness and advice and instead to get a real kicking.

No not at all, but a woman who is on police bail and has had her kids removed is probably the modern equivalent of passing a stock in medieval times and having a pail of rotten veg. People remember user names and peoples stories and I would say the first rule of mumsnet is don’t post on AIBU, I do agree trending is very harmful and should be more carefully curated…however I suspect the mumsnet algorithms are not neutral and like most of social media, certain content gets highlighted.

She is doing exactly what is right for her children - making sure they are attending extra curricular activities and that her money isn't being wasted. No idea why she was getting torn apart

Typical mn

What needs to happen is that moderators need to permanently ban people that post vile shit like that. They need to learn to use the moderation tools that are built into the software to prevent banned posters from simply making new accounts. They need to be taught how to see where accounts first accessed Mumsnet from so they can see if the first access was a link from a gossip forum where people harass and attack others. Traffic originating from those sources is unlikely to ever be anything but a problem on a site like this. It is fine for women that are self-professed shut-ins that have never been in relationships to want to interact with other women here. It is not fine for them to tear into others regarding their relationships or children when they have no experience whatsoever of either of them.

But alas, I suspect that the owners of MN care only about ad revenue and will never bother to clean up the cesspit.

I think people forget that it’s real humans who are also on the internet and so speak without care not necessarily with active ill will but throwaway. Comments like it’s a tabloid or just gossipy stuff. I’ve read that thread and I was about to start jumping in defence of the Mum but decided against escalating stuff. It’s also possible that the algorithm put it out there for traffic? I dunno just guessing but that’s the kind of topic that gets people involved.

They need to learn to use the moderation tools that are built into the software to prevent banned posters from simply making new accounts

tbf they do do this

I think the issue with some posters going out of there way to attack the OP is an issue with more active topics too, but very much agree that threads in sensitive topics should not automatically go into active posts. It really does invite in the nasties.

There’s a special type of absolute loser who gets off on kicking people when they’re down, and mumsnet is full of them. Embarrasing people.

👏

I was just reading that thread and thought it was horrendous.
But... if it's removed from active, will it be seen enough to get responses? I guess it depends on how people use the site, but personally I only use the 'active' button, i don't go into individual forums.

I applaud the OP on that thread, who is actually responding in a sensible and measured way. She seems to have far more intelligence than most of the posters. I am glad that at least one response has been an intelligent one from a professional actually answering the question asked - VERY few of the other responses do this.

Imaging your children being taken from you (whether at fault or not) it’s still very difficult I imagine. And that poor lady was holding onto the last thing she knew she could control for her children. She may well be a bad person, it may well have been in those children’s best interests to be removed. OR it could be that due to one unfortunate incident she hit the threshold for involvement and this is protocol whilst what ever happens is being investigated. NO ONE KNOWS. Mums net is full of seriously nasty women, people are so fast to recommend mental health services, counselling etc but you nasty posters could be the very reason it pushes someone over the edge.
you should all hang your heads in shame.

Yeah I agree. I click trending now usually

It will get responses from the people who actually know the answer though. The people that visit the fostering page.

Better just three people seeing it who know the answer, than the one response from someone who knows the answer disappearing into hundreds of spiteful responses from people who can't even be bothered reading the question

Absolutely agree.

If many Mumsnetters ONLY use the active buttons, that's all the more reason that sensitive threads don't reach that facility. Clearly none of you are bothering to look to see where those threads were posted.

In fostering it will be read by people that have genuine advice to give rather than the nasty bullies that hang about waiting on new threads on AIBU to gang up on the OP.

J

I’ve noticed since the changes that have happened on mumsnet there are way more posts that appear in trending. Perhaps the new algorithm/filter isn’t working as there are some posts on tending that badly have comments - not that there is an issue with that, but it shows that trending isn’t quite picking up posts that are popular (which tends to be AIBU or chat or relationships or anything that has gained momentum quickly).

MN definitely attracts trolls and people that seem to be anti-parents lately which is terrible.

What surprises me is that she was getting less flak on AIBU than on the fostering thread.

I really feel for her because her son falsely accused her and her husband of something that was found to be untrue. He's in separate care to her other two DC and everyone is waiting for a report and an assessment so the kids can go back.

It seems the foster carers are not taking the children to activities when they should be.

I know it's likely to be way more serious than I've just summarised, or her kids wouldn't be in care, but it's the slow system that's causing everyone distress (and costing money) and she just wanted an answer.

The vitriol was totally unnecessary.

I rarely post now for the same reason.