The Sex topic - an update on moderation

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hi everyone.

Thanks for all your comments over the past week regarding the Sex board. It’s become clear from the discussion that we needed a rethink about our approach to this part of the site and so we’re going to introduce some rules to help ensure that posters can get the support and advice they need from the board and that everyone has clear expectations of the behaviour we expect.

Posters must be at least 18 years of age - Mumsnet has always been a site for adults but we want to be crystal clear about this for this board.

The board is text based - we don’t allow NSFW (not safe for work) images.

We don’t allow links to any NSFW sites or personal profiles on other sites

We will not tolerate creepy or harassing behaviour in particular from male posters

We’ve also had concerns raised about the ongoing ‘sex chat threads’ including the risks involved with allowing users to PM each other. Our approach has always been to allow consenting adults to make their own judgement when it comes to what they’ll share and, broadly, that is still the case across the site - but we acknowledge there are additional vulnerabilities here that we ought to consider.

With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions. We’ve looked at the moderation principles of similar boards on other sites and this is indeed the policy on several others.

We’d also like to address some of your other comments if we may. Last year we reduced the time required from joining to posting on Sex from 90 days to seven. We’ve no plans to change this at the moment because this timeframe has proved to be a sufficient deterrent to bad actors and we believe that 90 days is too long if you’re a new user with a genuine concern. We’d also like to be clear that our commercial partnerships have had zero bearing on any changes we’ve made (nor did anyone ask us to make changes) and MNHQ does not (and would never) post affiliate links to products under the guise of a regular MNer. We may be many things, but we are not underhand!

As with everything, we’ll continue to monitor the situation and we hope these new rules will go some way to reassure you. If anyone has further questions, please post here and we’ll do our best to answer them.

Thanks.

I do wonder if unsolicited PMs will increase if there's no place for solicited PMs but I guess we'll find out.

This belongs with statements like 'If you criminalise buying sex then there will be more rapes.'

There was never a problem with creepy PMs before MNHQ decided to encourage them. Before then, everyone understood they were unacceptable and should be reported (and occasionally copied onto a thread so we could all rip the piss out of them).

FFS. And yet again @Surplus2requirements you turn up.

You use lots of words but contribute fuck all. You love it, don't you? Being Mr Nice Guy.

@LangClegsInSpace as I said it was a passing thought after reading many posts insisting MN is infested with predatory pervs.

I've no idea if it really is, I have my doubts but completely accept that my viewpoint and experience is very different to others.

MNHQ is best placed to judge.

@BIWI I've no desire to get into the sort of unpleasantness that happened last night. I think this thread has been useful and informative but Ive said what I wanted to say (with a few clarifications)so I'll wish you a good night

I was holding out hope that there would be a good decision made around this and now I feel like I'm being gaslighted. I was resisting joining the decampment but this is the final straw.

My god there are some incredibly pompous people on this thread.

if you’re going to flounce then flounce

We are allowed to have our opinions and say our pieces. What you fail to grasp is that MN has been a haven for many women for a long time. The recent changes and backflips and excuses have just become too much.

Up and leaving isn't just as simple as having a hissy fit. There is somewhere for MN refugees to go but we are still allowed to mourn what was.

I'm happy to flounce. I was actually just coming on to say I think the only answer is a boycott. I fundamentally disagree with how MNHQ view this.

I have had some extremely useful help from the various boards over the years, but most of the time I'm idly passing time or contributing to random threads so actually a couple of weeks off will do me good to realise how much time I spend waste on here and what else I could achieve with that time. Perhaps once my habit it broken that might be it.

Sayonara.

Strange how it's the same 5 or so posters that pop up so, so many times vociferously defending their right to use mn as a hook-up and sex chat site. It seems to me that most people are against the changes.
Have any of the famous five actually said why they want to use a parenting website instead of any of the hundreds of sites that are available for sex chats etc?

Oh look! The latest post in the sex topic. Is this really what Mumsnet is about?:^
^

Not really sure if anyone can advise here.

I’m going on a trip for work next week for a few days to the USA. It’s a big trip for me, so I’m really excited. They are putting me up in a really nice hotel and flying me business class. However, I will have quite a bit of free time in the evenings.

I’ve been single for about 2 years now and had a few flings but nothing serious and the idea of getting up to some fun while away in a hotel seems so hot to me.

Has anyone ever done anything similar or got any advice on how to find a local guy who might be up for something? Tinder maybe?

I’m going on a trip for work next week for a few days to the USA. It’s a big trip for me, so I’m really excited. They are putting me up in a really nice hotel and flying me business class. However, I will have quite a bit of free time in the evenings.

I’ve been single for about 2 years now and had a few flings but nothing serious and the idea of getting up to some fun while away in a hotel seems so hot to me.

Has anyone ever done anything similar or got any advice on how to find a local guy who might be up for something? Tinder maybe?

With apologies for the duplication

5 of us who are willing to take the flack. Many others who don't want to get ripped to shreds. I have given my reason. I don't have to justify why I remain here.
I think maybe you should ask the people who post on threads about gardening and music and dog ownership should also consider why they are posting on a PARENTING website when they can do that elsewhere too then?

Well no because unless I'm wildly mistaken about what goes on in Gardening, it doesn't bring a load of creepy blokes to the site to harass women with PMs and post about their fetishes and fantasies so it's really not a problem.

@Theyresexpeoplemn I love your username!! That sketch is hilarious! Can I give my perspective? I use the Sex Board because I was already on Mumsnet and saw the topic, began to post and received replies from like minded folks whose sense of humour and advice made me smile. Nothing sinister.

i imagine it’s the same for the people who use the Sex Chat.
We didn’t create these areas on Mumsnet, we merely use them.

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet if asking for PMs isn’t allowed on the sex chat thread why are you letting the thread stand. It literally has no point to it. Implying it’s allowed is damaging the ethos of this site.

And it’s not in any way a thread for advice.

Exactly @MovingonfromMartin I have been on MN for years, under various names and contribute regularly to the "normal" forums under my normal nn.

The sex thread is one part of the site, and if it had not had been out in active, no one, apart from those who actively visit, would be none the wiser.

Parents can talk about sex, and even hook up if they wish. The sex chat thread was never intended as a hook up thread, it started off originally as someone reminiscing about the old only chat rooms and it evolved from there.

If people abuse it, then absolutely they should be reported and banned, but on the whole, that thread and the sex board in general is friendly, helpful and supportive. I have seen a lot more abuse on the AIBU section, but I dont report everything I see on there, but it is not my interest.

Its a shame the chat board has caused such an uproar and is likely to get pulled by the opinions of a few, but I suppose thats life. Luckily I have made some good friends from that thread, who I can chat to outside of this site, about anything and everything, not just sex.

*old online chatrooms

Please provide me with the data that shows any bloke who posts is creepy and that people are being harassed by PMs. That is your opinion but it's not a fact.

I actually post on both the sex chat board and and in other threads in the sex topic and I have not been harassed by anybody, creepy or otherwise by PMs. That is a fact.

It's sinister and unsafe that people are using MN for hook ups and affairs. It attracts predators to a site full of vulnerable people. It's notable that the same few people defend this and have no care that they are destroying a space meant for women. Then again, MN itself doesn't seem to care.

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet You invited questions on this thread. Could you please answer them? I particularly want to know the rationale for allowing the hook up threads to stand.

Data: multiple women have shared that they've received harassing PMs as a result of the sex board. Someone on the sex chat thread has compiled the ratio of married/attached men posting on there looking to cheat compared to women and surprise, surprise! (Married men outweigh married women enormously and men outnumber women on there by a vast amount). By definition, a man posting in search of 'any available female' or because he's 'not getting any at home' is a creep and the thread exists largely for their gratification. You might find validation from their attention, but their presence is deeply disturbing to many women.

Thanks to the self appointed ambassadors on this thread from the Sex board -

I'm now firmly of the opinion that the sex chat/hook up thread should go

Lots of threads get deleted for ''not being in the spirit'' without all this fuss

@Thisismysexforumname

The sex chat thread was never intended as a hook up thread, it started off originally as someone reminiscing about the old only chat rooms and it evolved from there.

It might not have been intended that way but that's what it's become. 80% of posts on there are from men looking for women to talk to, most of whom say they're married but bored.

It's the antithesis of everything this site is supposed to stand for.

But there is obviously some demand from women as well, even if its only 20% of the users on the board.

It's about 10% actually. But even so, that's not entirely the point.

The point is that it has become a hook up thread. The current thread was started by a man looking for a hook up.

If people want to meet other people for sex, there are plenty of websites where you can do that.

This argument can go on ad finitum, bottom line is that currently Mumsnet are hosting the thread. The posters there did not set out to scandalise the rest of the website. They were just doing their thing. They don’t deserve derision or contempt.