Mumsnet needs your best parenting tips!

[Justine (mumsnet)]

As part of the publicity for our forthcoming TV extravaganza - Mums the Word on Discovery Health (due on Nov 8th) - we are putting together a piece for the Guardian on mums' the top tips/ advice/ mantras from the parenting front line. It's supposed to be fairly light-hearted and witty - which is where you come in - and can be anything from something you wish you'd known much earlier to a really practical solution to an everyday parenting problem that you never would have dreamed would have worked before you'd tried it. The idea is to be a bit more colourful/ amusing than our usual daily tip on the home page so feel free to embellish a bit and use anecdotes. Many thanks in advance - can't wait to see them.

We know that men are unable to multitask.

But until kids we do not fully understand how this affects their vision and hearing. They cannot see or hear two small boys having a violent fist fight in front of them if they are playing a computer game. They cannot wash up after putting the children to bed because they are 'listening' to them and they are unable to stop the cat eating the babyfood when the football is on.

I have learnt that if you change the channel on the tv whilst they're snoozing on the couch they'll wake up and complain but somehow he manages to sleep through a baby wailing at 3 in the morning

I have also learnt that a sharp elbow in the sides can't be ignored as easily

I've also learnt you can fall in love in a whole new way just by watching your DH change a nappy without having to be asked first

If you drop the baby then its an accident, if DH puts her down a touch too hard its grounds for full-scale war

A husband's idea of a weekend lie-in is far different from your own

that dh is more capable than I give him credit for

That his way is just as good (if not better) than my way.

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Pretty soon after his second birthday (earlier if you're really unlucky), your angelic, sweet, fragile little baby will disappear and be replaced by a red-faced, clenched-fisted, foot-stamping, howling little goblin. He will stay that way until he is an adult.

I have learned: that I run on Duracell. My DH runs on supermarket own brand;

That the beneficial effect of my lie-in at the weekend will be off set by the need to clear up the aftermath of World War 3 in the house afterwards;

That I can leave him in charge of two small boys, solo for 4 days, so long as I leave every meal, labelled in the freezer;

That until then, he didn't realise what it was like, watching him leave the house in the morning in a clean shirt, tie and suit, whilst I pick up toast and ceral off the floor, still in my pyjamas...

That I am so glad that I married my best friend because you NEED your best friend when pregnant, giving birth and bringing up children.

That he does still love me and fancy me despite the fact that I am a few sizes bigger and everything is squidgier and more droopy than before having babies ...

My partner taught me many things about being a parent. It's one big advantage of marrying man who is already a wonderful father. He showed me that you it is possible to bring up a child who is kind, well-mannered, loving and happy without giving them material things. That a firm 'no' won't mean a child hates you. That you can have fun and have a life with children - it's just different (very different, sometimes).
As for what I've learned about him, well, nothing much that I didn't know already. He's solid, dependable, never puts his own needs before that of his family, believes passionately in fairness at home - we have always split night duties equally and since I've been pregnant he's got up every morning with our son. He does things differently to me, but with just as much love. He loves me just as much fat and pregnant as slim and lithe - if not more. I have also learned that when I hear people saying that 'men' can't multi-task/take care of children/get up in the night.....they are being sadly misled! OK, he doesn't necessarily do the washing, but he can install broadband and make dinner while taking care of a three year old.

A man thinks it's perfectly reasonable to leave a 2.5 yr old playing with scissors & glue at table and then turn his back on them to do something at the sink. A woman would know that those beautiful curls would then become the ponies tail on the lovely picture dd was doing. A man would also fail to remember this 2 years later & do exactly the same thing with dd2!!(that was chunks out of her best t-shirt).
A man would think it was a good idea to show 5 yr old dd that he used to jump off the swing at its' highest point. A woman would know that that would result in the evening at casualty.
A man would blush furiously when confronted by 9 yr old dd saying 'I know exactly what you do to make babies daddy', and would then agree when she adds 'but you & mummy would never do that would you'

Rule 1: Babies don't really sleep through the night until they're about 1 (if you're lucky!)

Rule 2: never tell that to a new parent!

I don't know how useful this is for you Justine but the key thing I've learned about dh is that he is a total natural with kids - not just his own - but with any kids. He absolutely adores them and believes passionately in their equality and in their equal capacity to grow into responsible, intelligent citizens. Dh has NEVER met a child he doesn't like. He has a boundless ability to see the good in every child, even the rude, loud teenagers hanging around smoking dope on the corner of the street. And as for babies - never known anyone who can cope with babies like dh - he can take a complete stranger of a baby who's grizzling for England and calm him or her down and get him or her to sleep. He's never in a hurry, he has as much time as it takes, has no desire to go off and do something else - I don't know if kids/babies can tell, but he can calm them down remarkably quickly. Maybe that's the upside to inability to multi-task.

How come I can do most things - run the bath, fill the kettle, load the washing machine and walk the dog with a bay in one arm and dh can't?

I meant - baby in one arm

When i became a mum to ds i realised i was already a mother to his dad

watching dh with dd, i've learned that men's 'inability to multitask' is actually the result of a fantastic ability to live in and enjoy the moment. i'm jealous of the way he makes the most of his time with dd. she gets his total concentration. i'm aware that she doesn't often get mine because i'm usually worrying about tedious stuff like laundry and supper and whether we have milk in

that sexy is when i come down from putting the babies to bed to find him washing the floor

and you only have to reward that once to have them cleaning like mad

although dh was a bit unconfident when our dd's arrived, he's now a fully-paid-up Dad, prepared to criticise others' parenting techniques and offer helpful advice (unsolicited, of course )on everything from how to hold a newborn to discipline..

Tee hee hee Moongirl

Oh yes and I can relate to that too bundle