Disablism

[BishopBrennansArse]

Shiny new thread.

Hopefully won't get derailed.

Oh for goodness sake.
Stop being utter ninnys
If you are not being a twat then someone else being irked on MN shouldn't make you scared to post.
And if there is disablism then one or two posters bring aggressive or vociferous does not negate that.
Or are we all such delicate flowers that one poster being rude means that we can't possibly consider our own attitudes?
Personally I can cope with considering a valid, if uncomfortable, view even if delivered caustically.
Get a fucking grip.

mistress Yes that was said on one of the deleted threads.

Mistress may I suggest you go back to the start, RTFT, read all my posts, you'll get to know me a bit better.
Mmsyninalsonsuggedtbyoy consider the issue, reflect and look at the posts and look to see who is being the most aggressive?

Bishop my auticorrect is out of control! It's given many people many laughs over theatres. In fact I'm know as McJingles because auticorrect randomly inserted that Into one post,

We already hear pretty often from MNers who say that they're very anxious about posting on this issue (some are parents of disabled children themselves)
I got absolutely flamed for making a reasonable point about autism (DS1 is diagnosed and DS2 is being assessed) and how a particular poster was screaming disablism when there (for once) wasn't any. Literally left nameless by this woman who got really personal to the point that I had to come off MN for a few days to let my anxiety levels go back to normal. I hate disablism, in every form, it's insidious and vile and should be challenged. But when I dared to disagree I was personally attacked for hours and anyone who agreed with me was too. No help from MNHQ despite repeated requests. That put me off posting to be honest because I had a panic attack and a really shit day after the last time.

I think we are trying to make some progress actually.

It's a joke.

It's not a bunfight.

i will hold my hand up, i used to feel that way about someone who has de-regged.

She annoyed me, i hated seeing her turn on on threads because she went on like she was the only ever parent of a disabled child and the only person who's opinions mattered.

I didn't bother posting, then i thought, fuck it and posted but got into a LOT of slanging matches with her. Eventually i started just ignoring her and getting on with my own thoughts.

Funnily enough, because (most of the time ) i can speak quite eloquently and without doing my best impression of a harpy, people started to listen.

If you fear posting, then you will get lost. You have as much right to speak up and be heard as everyone else.

Although it would be nice if some people would allow you to have an opinion without making out like you're belittling their experiences...

I don't have an issue with uncomfortable questions. It's the twats that get pedantic and attempt to derail the thread by focusing on jumping with both feet on every post made once you've mentioned disability in an obvious attempt to get you to STFU that frustrates me. It's like they're not intelligent enough to have a decent response, so feel the need to bullshit their way out of the uncomfortable feelings the discussion brings up. Because then you reach the point that no matter what you post, they're going to derail things more and more, while accusing you of being the aggressive one.

I definitely reach a point in some threads where I stop because my head says "FFS life's too short to deal with this level of stupidity."

I don't think it's about being 'scared' to post Pagwatch, not as such anyway.

People generally speaking don't want to sully their good MN name so to speak, if they are genuine. They don't want accusations of troll, goady fucker and their ilk to follow them round the boards.

Combined with this, most people genuinely don't wish to cause offence or distress (again if they are genuine) and so err on the side of caution.

Generally speaking I often think where something is posted is a good signifier. The thread about the OPs daughter was in primary education. I'm sorry it upset people but I also feel it was a reasonable question for someone to ask. In AIBU it might have had more of a 'GF' tone to it.

Furthermore, it could be argued that by dismissing people's worries and anxieties about posting that in itself is dismissive to a group of people. I can quite understand why people want to avoid the topic as it seems difficult to mention at all without causing offence to somebody, somewhere.

With all that being said, I don't like to think of people being upset. So I am sorry people have been.

I've plenty of grips thanks (if that was aimed at me)

Maddy you made the point far better than I ever could. Surely the disablist comments can be flagged up and deleted rather than whole threads disappearing? And I thought personal attacks were against talk guidelines, so surely they should go too?

And I call bullshit.

We are not twisting things.

We are supportive.

I disagree with the oft trotted out stereotyping that we twist things and are unsupportive.

It's just a negative stereotype.

People dontt like to be disagreed with do they!

It would be great if posted could RTFT and take on board the informative educational posts instead of trotting out the same old stereotyping negative statement with no evidence or examples.

There are several posters for whom nothing will do except abject agreement. If you disagree with them, you are disablist / a twat / GF. I'm not scared to post as such, it just feels kind of pointless.

I agree Sunshine I also don't like to think of people being upset.

Anyway I'm off as I've not long come out of hospital & the local anaesthetic is wearing off.

Aye, as Pag says, I'm ok with getting my arse handed to me on a plate if I'm being an arsehole. I've experienced this many times.
The threads where disabilism come up go this way. I think I've learned the script:
Op: unintentionally disabilist
P1 That's not on. Here's why
Op fair point
P2 ZOMG! HOW DARE YOU,P1, DISABILITY BRIGADE. Op was entirely legitimate
P3: Yea, stop bringing disability into everything. You're obsessed
P1 But its really shit. We're constantly discriminated against.
P3 Oh now you're hijacking and emotionally manipulating
P1 OK ffs, I'm not
P2 No need to be so fucking rude! Personal attack!
Blah, blah
MMHQ Everything is fine.

FTR, i am not one of those people 60s :)

I'm always willing to try and explain, and help.. unless someone IS actually being a troll, like the kind of people who claim ADHD isn't real, or a meltdown is just a tantrum...etc.

There are no good names on MN.
It had a short memory
Post honestly and openly and discuss stuff.

Just don't endlessly, reflexively post about 'this is my child' and SN and then happily add on to a thread stigmatising supported living for teenagers with challenging behaviour because it really does make you a hypocrite.
I know you don't want to be. I know it's not comfortable. But maybe if we all take a deep breath we can work out why people would like brilliant support for challenging teenagers without living next to it - my guess would be funding which results in inadequate support.

Watcher - I've no clue who you are or what you posted so no, not aimed at you.

The posts like that one aren't the ones I mean Smartleatherbag, I abhor those because they're wrong. I'm talking about a minority (none of whom are on this thread I might add) of posters who attack anyone who dares to have a different opinion to them and makes personal attacks and tells people their opinions and experiences are invalid because they're not the same as theirs.

You see Pagwatch, I don't think that it does, and I'm not trying to be difficult or of course to rehash the thread.

But I do think most people mean well and most (by no means all!) will avoid posting if posting will cause distress.

Smartleather

Im actually not sure if you are agreeing with me or arguing with me but I'm properly laughing at you imaginary thread

(And often totally an arsehole)

I can't say I've seen those aye. Admittedly, I have only been back on mn a month or so, so may well have missed them.

And, for the record, both my boys have experienced blatant and also unintentional disablism in their lives and I always challenge it, I always have and I always will.

Pag, I am very much agreeing.