Parents, how do you feel about risk?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

We've been exploring the idea of a Mumsnet podcast for a while here at MNHQ, and we thought we'd have a bash at a pilot to see whether the idea's a goer. It's going to be based very loosely on the theme of 'Risk', and we'd love to hear from you if you'd potentially be up for contributing.

We're going to come at the subject from as many interesting angles as possible, so do let us know if you've got strong feelings on any of the following topics that have come up over the years on MN - or indeed if you've thoughts on other subjects/experiences which are risk-related...

• How do we protect children from risk while allowing them to grow up (and without life grinding to a halt)? For eg, is it okay to leave a sleeping baby with a baby monitor while you pop next door for dinner, or to let the kids walk back from school aged 6, as they do in some other countries? How about letting 13 year-olds go off camping alone?
• How does society view mothers who take physical risks in the careers or sports they pursue? Are there - and should there be - different 'rules' for mothers and fathers?
• Alternatively, have you ever had to weigh up big, life-changing gains against similarly life-changing losses? Or taken a big risk on someone or something which paid off - or went disastrously wrong?

Do add your thoughts here, and let us know whether you'd be happy for us to get in touch for a research chat?

Thanks

MNHQ

I am still baffled. 822 stranger abductions a year? Why do none of them ever make the press? I can think of 2 in the last 20 years- Abi Humphries and Milly Dowler. But according to that stat there have been 16440 in the last 20 years and only 2 reached the news? That can't possibly be right.

Oh, I thought Cote was claiming 822 stranger abductions a year. Now I see she is only claiming 50 a year. My question still stands, though. 1000 in the last 20 years and only two make the press?

That list is interesting. Very few under teenage- except one of them has been missing since she was 6. The only one I recognised was Madeline McCann.

Two things stand out, obviously. The press is probably going to be less interested in BME kids. And BME kids are more likely to have family abroad who they might run to/be taken by.

But I still don't think, as Cote seems to, that there is evidence to support the need for any concern about stranger abduction. As I said, two names I can remember in 20 years. And one of them a baby taken by a person with mental health problems from a hospital. The other was Milly Dowler- and I seem to remember something being sId about her possibly knowing her murderer.

I think we should ask the More or less programme to look at these sats!

MN HQ can you fix it for us? You must have influence with the Beeb :)

Back to the original question I have been talking risk assessment with my kids since quite early on. The are not physical risk takers by nature and I don't think that's due to cottonwooling.

Certainly as teens travel by public transport, night times, proposed visits to local festivals etc are accompanied by a " what the worst that could happen/how likely is it/what's more likely to go wrong, how can we make that safer" type of chat.

Trouble is, very unlikely things do still happen.Age 15, Risk of a serious unprovoked, stranger strangulation attempt on the lower floor of a bus at 6pm on a school night? Vanishingly small, yet DS was grabbed by the neck ( without provoking in anyway) and choked until a bystander intervened.

Fortunately DS realised he'd done all he could to ensure his personal safety and , apart from possibly being more aware of others body language ( we don't know if he was fidgety/agitated or seemed drunk as DS just didn't notice him at all) there wasn't anything to do and the risk of it happening again remained small.

DS again had an " adverse event" happen. He prevented some lads from another school bullying some girls at the the bus stop and got a fist in the face for his trouble.Predicatable- yep. Level of consequence fairly low. Would he do it again- yep even if he still got punched but " I'd dodge better" .

I have two teen/older girls. Bad things don't seem to happen to them like they do to DS. Proves that , despite the abduction stats it's still largely teen boys that get hurt on the street.... maybe! (or that being 6foot tall is more dangers out than being 5 foot!)

A good example of zombie statistics which never die is the horror headline grabbing 155,000 Missing Children a year.

It comes from an excellent study from about 6 or 7 years ago when the child pop was ~14 million, by a well known childrens charity - which unfortunately I can't find ATM

the key findings of this study were
the huge over-representation of LAC children* reported missing/AWOL from their foster placement or childrens home and how vulnerable they were whilst missing; many had returned 'home' to their family of origin because of a crisis in their family (or less often care placement) slept rough etc

the vast majority had been located in less than a week (many within 48 hours) as had the other large group - teenagers who had walked out after a row with their parents

it was thankfully a very small number out of the total child population who became permanently truly Missing Children

Also a problem with the missing.kids website above is that by page 10 for example many of the missing children featured are in their mid twenties and 24 yr olds wouldn't be considered children by most people - however they would count as young people in the larger category of 'children & young people' aged 16-25

• there's lots of interesting facts and figures in the references in this report
  www.nspcc.org.uk/globalasssets/documents/research-reports/children-missing-from-care-report.pdf