Parents, how do you feel about risk?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

We've been exploring the idea of a Mumsnet podcast for a while here at MNHQ, and we thought we'd have a bash at a pilot to see whether the idea's a goer. It's going to be based very loosely on the theme of 'Risk', and we'd love to hear from you if you'd potentially be up for contributing.

We're going to come at the subject from as many interesting angles as possible, so do let us know if you've got strong feelings on any of the following topics that have come up over the years on MN - or indeed if you've thoughts on other subjects/experiences which are risk-related...

• How do we protect children from risk while allowing them to grow up (and without life grinding to a halt)? For eg, is it okay to leave a sleeping baby with a baby monitor while you pop next door for dinner, or to let the kids walk back from school aged 6, as they do in some other countries? How about letting 13 year-olds go off camping alone?
• How does society view mothers who take physical risks in the careers or sports they pursue? Are there - and should there be - different 'rules' for mothers and fathers?
• Alternatively, have you ever had to weigh up big, life-changing gains against similarly life-changing losses? Or taken a big risk on someone or something which paid off - or went disastrously wrong?

Do add your thoughts here, and let us know whether you'd be happy for us to get in touch for a research chat?

Thanks

MNHQ

Giddy- do you know someone who has been abducted by strangers while walking to school?

I said. I know nobody who has.

"I said. I know nobody who has."

Sorry- I misunderstood. I thought your said that you actually know the people this had happened to........

No problem :)

"Children aren't abducted very often. I know nobody who has been. But I do know of those things happening (actually know the people) so to me they aren't abstract risks"

Out of interest, what did you mean by this?

I meant I know people who've had their dc die in a spontaneous car fire and people who've had a house rendered uninhabitable due to a dishwasher fire ie the events that are 'unlikely' in many people's minds. Hence I find it harder to dismiss them as ridiculous fears.

Bertrand - it does happen. Do you not remember the case of Milly Dowler? She was local to me, but not as local as Marsha McBrady, who was killed by the same man, apparently, a few 100m away from a family member's home.

Yes, it's rare, yes, abduction is usually by an estranged parent or similar; but you can't say it never happens because it does.

And we regularly have reports up here (different country) of strangers trying to entice/force children into their cars. Again, it happens. So IF it happened to a child from DS1's school AND no one was caught for it THEN I would not be letting DS1 out by himself.

Well I remember it more because it was just down the road from where I live, tbh - but yes, I have accepted and said it's rare - just not a "never happens" thing.

Of course horrible things can and do happen, but the rareness of it allows me to refuse to lead my life as if it was an imminent threat.
I suppose it does come down to how risk averse an individual is. Personally, I see lives very severely limited and stunted in their possibilities by fear: fear of abduction, fear of flying, fear of child falling out of a tree, fear of traffic, fear of all the many, many 'what ifs'.
Otoh, many of the most 'protected' children I have contact with through my DCs spends many hours daily with various screen games that I consider highly dangerous and detrimental. But they are in the house under their parents noses, so not 'in danger'.
'Tis a personal choice, innit. I don't know - I hate how much we limit ourselves, not just as individuals, but as a society as a whole.

My dc's have been playing out since reception year. We're lucky that the whole street goes out and parents are constantly coming and going.

I do try to keep my anxiety in check. The dc's (8 &7) have been sea kayaking and play in a feral tree climbing den after school. Although I've been slightly peeved by Parkrun rules that state under 11's must run within arms length of their dc's, ds is 8 and almost faster than me and imo would be fine charging off ahead in a busy park. It's all to do with their insurance apparently but holds back a lot of kids.

I had a look at numbers actually.
The real number of children abducted is very very low. About 45 per year.

That's just under the number of children killed in a car accident (about 60 a year).

And again not dissimilar to the number of children dying from chocking (About 30 a year)

But parents still cut grapes in half.

Because when you say that 1/4 of children deaths are due to chocking, it looks like an awful big number and one where you really HAVE to do something about it. If you say that 30 children died from chocking in the UK, it doesn't look that bad does it?
Abduction from a stranger is always making the headlines. It's always emotionally charged.
Does it happen? Yes it does? Should you stop your dcs from being out alone because of it? Well yes if you also stop them from going in car. Actually the risk of being in a car is higher because there are also the 2500 who are serioulsy injured and the 17000 who are slightly injured.

Or when you read guidelines about choking, they will tell you that 80 persons per day go to A&E because of chocking. Again it looks like a very big number which is not reflecting reality.

Imo this is one of the reason why people are also so confused on what is a risky thing to do or not. Numbers are put forward in such a way that it makes you think it is important, probably more so than it actually is.

"Stranger abduction of a child is extremely rare. Once you look into older age groups, it's sadly teenage girls who are most at risk from strangers"

Apart from Milly Dowler- can anyone think of one?

And we don't actually know whether those were stranger abductions, do we?

Actually as we are talking about risk, the risk of chocking increases as we get older.

Now what about saying that we should have all over 50s have their grapes and cherry tomatoes cut in half to prevent choking as they are the ones the most at risk?

YY to be 'made to believe'.
Sometimes it's part of an agenda 'for the good cause' (I suspect the chocking stuff is one of them).
Sometimes its because newspaper/TV need sensational stuff to keep going and sell.
Sometimes it's because we are already so convinced that our distorted view of reality is the truth that we are happy to 'sell'anything that sort of prove that view of reality.

Where did you find that number 45, Kevin?

I just looked up the numbers, as well:

900 child abductions were reported in the UK during 2014. Between 2013 and 2014, 401 children were abducted by people other than their parents (for instance, when a stranger lures a child in with sweets).

More recently, 822 children were abducted in the 12 months between April 2014 and March 2015, showing a 45% increase from the previous year. To find this number, click on the 4th link on this page on the Office of National Statistics Website. It's in Table 4.

Going back about 10 years, it wasn't any different: Home Office report from 2004, which looked at 798 police reports of child abduction in England and Wales. Just over half (399) were attempted abductions. Out of the 798 reports, 56% (447) involved a stranger, 47% (375) were attempted abductions by a stranger and 9% (72) of all reports were successful child abductions by a stranger . 23% (183) of all reported abductions were parental.

And the real numbers are probably much higher: Incidents which start with abduction but go on to result in a more serious offence, e.g. rape or even murder, are not recorded as child abductions because only the more serious offence is recorded.

"it's teenage girls who are abducted and raped who feature heavily in those stats"

Actually, no. As I wrote in the post you replied to, incidents which start with abduction but go on to result in a more serious offence, e.g. rape or even murder, are not recorded as child abductions because only the more serious offence is recorded.

Which means that the real abduction number is much higher.

"how come we don't hear about these children who are abducted at the rate of 1 a week by complete strangers?"

If nobody hears a tree fall in a forest, it has still fallen.