"MI5 should recruit from Mumsnet..."

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

There's a rather fabulous story in the news today, which suggests that the security services could benefit from MNers' skills. What do you think - time for us to make a [false beard] emoticon?

I could be a double agent in a foreign country.

I could kill a person with my bare hands (never actually tried it, though...) and with my legs, thanks to Israeli's defense techniques. I am deceptively light and fragile.
Can hide in tight spots.
Usually manage to scrape through when everyone else is suffering from diarrhea and gastritis in foreign countries.
I have contacts in the Middle East, including Iran, Pakistan and Sudan, and Israel.
Feel comfortable travelling alone.
Love to drive fast.
I'm already used to bad period pain.
Have secretly sneaked samples through customs or convinced customs to let me go through with them
and a sharp pin through Jordan airport security (by mistake)

Waits by phone...

Trench coat-check.
Watched every episode of The Man From UNCLE. Check ( Ergo invisible gimmer.)
Interrogation technique-can make 20 something ds quiver like a jelly.
My bag is packed. (It does come with Austin Powers style "pad" doesn't it?

I would love to be a spy too! No one would suspect me either ;-)

I can't be arsed to take the 10 min to do the test. I wonder what that says about my spying abilities?

That I am James Bond.

Baggsy I get Rupert penry jones

I can't become a spy despite fitting the middle aged criteria.
I am menopausal and have the memory if a goldfish (though as positive I would give nothing away if being waterboarded)
I need to walk the dog every afternoon so would need to be home by three, so not much good if assigned international mission.
I would look terrible in a leather catsuit.

Also I have appalling eyesight, and a terrible sense of direction.

Ms Blears claimed there could be an issue for women with children when MI6 officers needed to travel abroad. (BBC website)

Nope. It is exam season. Very happy to go to Venice. Might consider water boarding a politician too. Fancy the cat suit.

Oooh, I forgot to say I have an excellent sense of direction and very good 3D perception.

They must know I'm on mumsnet. I have fluency in a v appropriate language too...
Do you think I could demand a 6 figure salary?

I got 96% on the MI6 test. I am the next Miss Moneypenny, fosho.

Has Hazel Blears not watched Spooks then? Little Wes got sent to boarding school at govt expense as both parents were in the service of the country. Of course it didn't end well but I assume the boy got his expensive education nonetheless.

I can't be arsed to do the test either...too much reading
I could be recruited as an impatient spy

Oh god it's always been my dream to be a spy. I've wanted to be one since the age of five. But they'd be barking up the wrong tree with me, I'm not exactly the blending in type I've got facial piercings lmao...

Sparklingbrook - where did you get that balaclava? It's brilliant!!

Off to look up martial arts...brush up on judo and I'm away!

Minor fear that I'll end up on some watch list if I tap 'kill with hands' into google...

Totally knew there'd be a fabulous thread about this story.

I've an almost freakish ability to remember faces but my own is instantly forgettable.

The nasal sarf London voice may be a problem tho.

God I'd love to be a spy. I'd have loved to be a copper too but went for teaching instead. Teaching probably incorporates aspects of both those professions tbh!

Totally knew there'd be a fabulous thread about this story.

Ms Blears claimed there could be an issue for women with children when MI6 officers needed to travel abroad.

As if spy mums are the only who need to travel abroad. Sigh.

Pst. Due to my day work, I'd have an excuse to travel around too.
Shame that I am on an exclusivity contract, but I could change it.

My DH once told me he was a spy. I half believed him briefly. It was fairly plausible but not actually true.

I however am currently job seeking and live near to GCHQ so I'm ready and waiting MI5...

I have the ability to sort of fade into the background. People will just talk in front of me about all sorts of stuff.

I also have one of those faces that make people want to tell me their innermost secrets within minutes of meeting them.

wrt the OP

they have done this before, said they should use more mothers to infltrate playgroups

This isnt news

More reasons I'd be a rubbish spy
My pelvic floor is knackered so unable to flee the enemy. Though perhaps leather catsuit would buy me a bit of time.

I get allergies and sneeze a lot and loudly.

I think I'll go off and join the What would you retrain as thread as espionage is clearly not for me.