Which aspects of looking after a baby did you just not *get*?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that we've been making a few videos recently - if you haven't had a look, do nip over to our new Video page for a quick squizz. And do also subscribe to our YouTube channel: it takes literally 3 secs (and you won't be bombarded with YouTube emails, promise!).

Anyway - we're planning a series of 'How To' videos for new parents, and we thought we'd ask you to cast your mind back to those early days, and tell us which aspects of looking after a baby would have been much easier if you'd had a step-by-step video to help you. Things like 'how to swaddle a newborn' .

Do let us know what you'd have liked to have seen clearly demonstrated - whether newborn-related, or with older babies. We'd also love to hear the cunning baby and/or toddler care 'hacks' which have made life easier: we'll compile them into a vid to spread the joy.

Thanks in advance,

MNHQ

How to breastfeed lying down and also, how to use either breast without having to move the baby.

I got the hang of this with DD2 in the co sleeper cot. I get more sleep when there is less faffing about at night.

If you are going to do a video on swaddling then please, please, please do a hip friendly swaddle. legs must be free to come up in a natural foggy position.

agree with basic interaction stuff, a video showing how even a tiny baby can begin to mimic facial expressions would be fab and could really encourage people to interact more with their baby and get over the "all they do is eat, poo and sleep"

basic colic massage routine and leg cycling for constipation. stuff that is difficult to talk people through.

How to make up a bottle and how to steralise them. I remember standing in the kitchen with my mother going over and over it. I just cudnt get my head around it.

how to make formula safely, and ways of doing it when out and about
signs of tiredness

I think a guide to the most common physical effects of childbirth and what you can do about them/how to avoid them would be really useful. GPs seem to take little interest and NHS resources are (understandably) focused on older people. I had only minor problems post pregnancy and c-section - hips and back slightly out of alignment (chiropractor fixed it), sore wrists from toting baby, heavy car seat and buggy up and down lots of steps (worked out my own system involving buggy folded in car boot at road side, transferring baby in sling, staging shopping in, and much use of mail order) and both DH and I hurt our backs from lifting DD in and out of cot. DH and I have now got a system where he lugs DD down the steps in the morning while I bring bags etc. However, my best friend has had serious problems which have taken years of surgery and physio to fix (partially). We both think now that everyone about to be responsible for a baby should get mandatory 'moving and handling' training. There are also products that can help such as that amazing lifting blanket thing (can't remember the brand name) which I found out about too late. In London and elsewhere a lot of people live in flats without lifts, which compounds these physical issues.

Napping I did realise how important they were and spent ages rocking an overtired baby to sleep as hadn't recognised the signs for tired and frequency of naps needed!

The difference between a baby sucking on a breast and actually drinking from a breast! DD did a great impression of breastfeeding for a few days - had me (knew nothing) and midwives (knew a bit more!) totally fooled for a few days.

Definitely how to put nappies on.
I just got it now I think and dd is 16 months.
How to spot reflux/colic.
Winding techniques.

Oh and yes for poonami aid.

Oh yes signs of tiredness - knowing what ear rubbing meant was life changing!

How to combine feed and the importance of not missing a feed or feeds, as that makes you susceptible to mastitis and engorgement.

What to do if baby can't breastfeed or you want to switch to formula.

Allergies/intolerances in babies - it is so common now, and certainly needs addressing!

Not realising how tired or over-stimulated babies get I think was the main one.

Agree re post birth body. I had hives as an allergic reaction to prolactin, along with trigger thumb and fingers and elbows and knees and hips and hips/back/pelvis in agony until I dropped bf.

Different sleep routine s - controlled crying etc

Great bf info at www.bestbeginnings.org.uk/

Click on the 'films' link at the top there are some excellent 'how to' videos on bf. also some interesting videos about baby communication and premature /unwell babies.

Breastfeeding
Wrapping a baby in a stretchy sling
Winding, poor DS didn't get winded at all for the first 3 days of his life as in the post birth fog no one told us to! It wasn't until his Grandad just held him and decided to wind him that we realised we should be doing it .
Using washable nappies, how to put them on, wash them and tips for use out and about.

How to put a baby down "drowsy but awake"

How to settle a baby to sleep. First baby I just fed her, cuddled her and walked out of the room. Couldn't understand why that didn't work...

General parenting/ looking after a newborn skills. I felt quite prepared for the birth having done both NHS and nct antenatal classes, but not having had any experience of babies before my own I had no clue about how to look after a baby. Cue much reading/ mumsnetting in the dead of night trying to work out what the hell to do next.

Toddler taming!

The art of distraction...

breastfeeding and winding.

Memories of terrified little cries from the depths of a sling make me say -- slings, how the heck do you rig them up.

Latching.

Circumcision care -- I know this is controversial and no bunfight intended , but some families choose it, and not many doctors/MWs/HVs in Britain know about care afterwards.

The emotional end of things. It's a shock to the system. The claustrophobia (mentioned above), the feeling you are being judged, the resentment of people not helping properly or helping enough, the exhaustion and how nutty it will make you.

Helpful list of replies to people butting in with their 'well meaning suggestions' and opinions of what is 'normal'. Emphasis on the fact that all babies are unique and because a particular baby isn't yet sleeping through the night, etc., it doesn't mean the mother is doing something wrong.
It especially doesn't mean breastmilk isn't enough.

A long bit on what friends and family can do to actually help as opposed to sitting down and expecting feeding and watering and entertainment when visiting.

What is normal in older sibling behaviour when the baby arrives. Some parents have expectations that are too high.

How to deal with colic.

How to deal with alarmists who say routine is cruel.

Doctors saying colic didn't exist back then before three months. God only knows what it was in that case...
Oh, and cheesy neck syndrome - I felt awful when first dc had it!

Grobag do swaddle blankets that are already the right shape - I'm not going to be able to describe it very well, but if you google it, you'll see - and they are the only reason I managed to successfully swaddle.

YY to the cleaning of the neck - how the hell do I get in there properly without hurting her?! Cheesy neck syndrome indeed.

How to get nipple into mouth of tiny newborn, when you only have two hands, both of which are occupied, and he seems incapable of not shoving his hand in the way just as you're about to stick nipple in.

A rundown of all the different baby clothes and what they are actually called, and when you use them. Inc as people say, envelope necks. Oh, and mentioning baby bundlers/nightgowns for popper-free middle of night nappy changes - that would've been damn handy!

Cues for tiredness, hunger etc are good. How to train people around you that the correct response to bfing mother is to bring water & snacks, not to feck off to other end of house.

Oooh - actually maybe an "etiquette for visitors of new parents video" might be handy to point prospective visitors too, given the number of threads on here from distressed and knackered new parents with unintentionally inconsiderate visitors. Could include tips on what to expect tiny baby to do, and how to politely refuse if you don't want to hold them

When DS was 6 weeks old I managed to put a load of washing on while he sat in his bouncy chair. I don't think I hung it up; it stayed in the washer until DH got home. It was the first thing I'd done that wasn't specifically keeping DS or me fed or watered since DS had been born. Before the birth I'd had no idea just how all consuming a newborn is. After one day where I hadn't eaten til 1pm, we had to start a routine where DH brought me toast before he left for work. I really wasn't prepared for being so tightly bound to a little scrawny wailing and sucking thing. Personal grooming didn't exist anymore. Hygiene was optional. All existence was hunched over watching his latch or hunched over the nappy change or hunched over watching him sleep. I wish someone had prepared me for that.