Which aspects of looking after a baby did you just not *get*?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that we've been making a few videos recently - if you haven't had a look, do nip over to our new Video page for a quick squizz. And do also subscribe to our YouTube channel: it takes literally 3 secs (and you won't be bombarded with YouTube emails, promise!).

Anyway - we're planning a series of 'How To' videos for new parents, and we thought we'd ask you to cast your mind back to those early days, and tell us which aspects of looking after a baby would have been much easier if you'd had a step-by-step video to help you. Things like 'how to swaddle a newborn' .

Do let us know what you'd have liked to have seen clearly demonstrated - whether newborn-related, or with older babies. We'd also love to hear the cunning baby and/or toddler care 'hacks' which have made life easier: we'll compile them into a vid to spread the joy.

Thanks in advance,

MNHQ

I never got the advice at the time that all food equipment and water had to be sterilised for a year when DS was crawling round the floor at six months.....oh and sucking the handlebars (if I didn't get in quick) of a Tesco trolley.

I was a health visitor at the time too. Didn't "get" that bit of advice then and still don't get it now.

From six months all DS's stuff went in the dishwasher and his water came out of the tap.

Re nails, cut them while the baby is asleep. I wish someone had told me that newborns don't sleep silently - I was alarmed at the noises mine made and even took him to the drs because of it - I thought he had bronchitis or something.

Seriously?!! Those little folds in the shoulders of vests are there for a reason?

That makes so much sense, id read envelope vests before but I thought it was those poncy ones with the Velcro that don't go over the head at all!!!

Amazing.....DD (5 weeks) can poonami away....

Typos = 1 handed typing on phone

YY to opening and folding major brands of buggy and pram, and getting car seats into and out of car/adjusting straps. Don't forget double buggies. It would have helped my parents too - I think a lot of grandparents struggle with this stuff...although whether mine would be able to play a video I don't know (but at least I could have written down the steps and told them).

Breastfeeding latch! Took me weeks months with dd1 and lots of pain too.

Baby equipment that requires einstein to decode the instructions, rather than sleep deprived mum and screaming baby trying to collapse pram, tighten straps on carseat, attatch sling etc.

I did have a fab midwife who showed me nappies and envelope necks. I only worked out the double cuffs on the babygros being mitts too late...

I had small emery boards with the baby clippers which were great for little fingers and tiny nails.

Sounds stupid, but it took one of my friends to tell me that I just just pull my top up rather than take it off my shoulder to bf!

Yes to swaddling. A very kind doula in hospital told me what to do when I was a crying mess.

Something about moisturizing the peeling skin of a tiny baby and also cradle cap - Olive oil worked wonders for both and I think I picked that tip up from here.

How much clothing a baby should wear and what a safe number of covers is. My baby was born premature and in the winter and I could never work out how many layers he should wear.

It was especially difficult for me when coming back inside to a heated house after being outdoors when he was asleep in his pram. I always picked him up and tried to strip off his snow suit inevitably waking him up. But I'd had the fear of god put into me about over heating him, that I'd thought he'd die if I left him in his snow suit indoors.

Also information on febrile convulsions. Another instance when I thought my child was going to die!

I never quite "got" snowsuits for that reasom moom - I used blankets instead!

Breastfeeding lying down. Brilliant.

What about some videos about pregnancy as well? I would have loved an idiots guide to what to expect, like the fact that the doctor would just take my word for the fact I was pregnant (I think I expected her to do a pregnancy test to confirm it), what was going to happen at my booking in appointment, what I'd see at scans, when to write my birth plan and how pointless it would turn out to be etc.

So much, just so so much. I had to keep on having more in the hope I'd get better at it but I never really did and not just because each time I had a baby there were new rules as to what was what and I only ever felt like a hamster on its wheel.

And now I have grandchildren to confuse me. Baby led weaning? What the hell is it. And what is not giving a baby any water to drink all about?????

Some of the 'new' stuff that wasn't given a name in the olden days - specifically tongue tie, silent reflux and tummy time (?).

My last dc was born in 2001 and none of these were in our vocabulary, or on our radar.

I am not quite at granny stage yet , but it would be helpful for new parents to have proof to show well meaning older relatives -'see - this is a thing! I am not just making a rod for my own back...'

IYSWIM

My goodness, yes, tummy time, I came across that a few weeks ago with my 4th grandchild.

I still can't get over the fact that something so very ordinary and natural now has a name.

It just seems that if there's a way to big something up or complicate a natural process that someone somewhere will have written a paper on it and given it a name.

I, along with many others, shelled out for NCT. One of my classmates wanted to breastfeed but struggled for a number of reasons. Despite the wadge of cash for the classes, we were taught nothing of teat flows, types of formula available and why we might choose one over another, how to choose,bottle types, how to make up bottles, sterilising etc etc. The code of silence/guilt trips by HCPs doesn't assist...

Definitely bottles, and which teats and bottles might work best for different babies.

Different types of nappy rash and thrush - how to tell the difference

How to put teats on a bottle without un sterilising them

Preparing a changing bag for newborn/ toddler

How to take toddler out for a meal and have a nice time.

That it's OK to not know what you're doing.

And that just because a book says something, it doesn't automatically make it true. Babies haven't read the books.

Go with what you feel. Learn to trust your own instincts.

And when people MIL or Mum give you unwanted advice the benefit of their experiences, smile and nod, smile and nod, then do what YOU think best.

A video of massage techniques for babies with bad gas problems would be genius. I lucked upon a HV in her late 50s who showed me brilliant techniques - most of the HVs were useless ('have you tried infacol? Oh, ok... he'll grow out of it'), different BFing positions apart from the usual ones (DS could not feed lying on his side until he was 3 weeks old, probably because his poor squashed and bruised head hurt. Took ages - and again giving up on the HVs and seeking specialist advice - to learn all the things we could have been trying.)

Agree with lots:

• Bathing how to
• Dressing tips (envelope vest/popper babygrows/amount of clothes)

Winding

• Bottle prep and choosing formula/equipment (imagine same needed for BFing, so much advice on feeding is unavailable or conflicting, would have appreciated a "trusted source")
• Efficient nappy change - took me WEEKS (that's a lotta nappies)

So basically ALL OF IT...

How to put babies down for naps when they only want to sleep in your arms!

How to make up a bottle of formula - hygiene required
Types of formula available
How to sterilise bottles
How much from newborn onwards
How often should you feed (every 2 hours, on demand etc.)

I had NO idea as I was resolutely going to breastfeed. Then I became very ill within days of giving birth and was subsequently out of action for weeks. Neither I nor my DH had any clue what to do as our NCT class never spoke about formula.

I think a video on breastfeeding (tips, advice on what to expect, different feeding positions etc), and another one on formula feeding (how to sterilise bottles, how to make up bottles of formula etc). I think it's pretty bad that the nhs won't give advice on formula feeding, if I hadn't had DM on hand I would have cried when I'd decided breastfeeding was a disaster and I wanted to give DS a bottle - didn't know where to start!

I think a video on how to give a newborn baby a bath would be good too, some things are better as videos than looking at diagrams in books!

Definitely how to recognise tongue tie and what to do about getting it diagnosed.

Plus, I found a great video on you tube that some kind soul had made that showed me how to bf lying down - it transformed my nights.

How to get rid of engorgement. Three midwives' bad advice made it much worse with DC1 so it took way longer for me to be able to breastfeed properly. Mastitis, antibiotics, syringes of breastmilk, cups of breastmilk and much misery followed until I finally got through it after a couple of weeks.

Armed with Kellymom, Mumsnet, some special YouTube videos showing you how to get a baby to latch onto an incredibly engorged boob where the nipple has almost disappeared....and 24 hours later, I had let the baby's natural feeding help through it.

Honestly, it was life changing and completely different as a feeding experience. No stress! (Well, not much.)

Defo the vest thing, and what milk coming through feels like, I got a high temperature, shivering, sweating etc, and thought I was getting the flu rather than milk coming in.

Also where and what breast / baby thrush feels like - and it's not a bloody myth (as my gp and hv said!). The only thing breasts can have is mastitis I was told, and it took a desperate mumsnet thread plus a visit to an out of hours doc, before the agonising pain and interference with breast feeding vanished.

For toddlers, simple techniques like distraction, feeding them ASAP (didn't realise toddler tantrum could be hunger), giving two choices where you are ok with either choice... And that sometimes walking away is ok. And sometimes they need reassurance as they can be terrified about the strength of their emotions.

And for toddler / preschool and beyond, that naming and validating emotions really helps them learn about feelings and deal with them vs be overwhelmed or repress them.

I find just saying 'oh dear, what's happening here? Are you feeling xxx/ angry/ frustrated/ upset etc?' or 'you look a bit xxx?' and then 'that's ok to feel xxx, I'd feel that too if someone took my toy away/ friend went home after a lovely day / or whatever it is'. So not a lecture or performance parenting teaching moment or anything like that, just commiserating with your dc that it's ok to feel rubbish sometimes & cuddles. And then all the techniques to help them calm down if needed, with mine I find I don't need to do much else as he generally calms down quickly once he realises its ok to feel like he's feeling. Such an easy thing, and took me alot of time to think around it!

And steps on soapbox: i have a ds and i really want to help him be in tune with emotions, Creating emotionally continent men is a really important thing, and it starts from babyhood. Look at some of the men mumsnetters meet and date, they are not equipped to feel properly due to their upbringing, and it's our chance to change this for our children's generation

trips gaily off soapbox :)