Do you think it's time to start a sexuality shaming topic?

[HotSauceCommittee]

For all those who want us to shut up and not to help and laugh with others about sex?

Maybe we could keep the censorious ness and the comments of "what is wrong with people?"

"This is pathetic"

"Why do you need/want to talk about this?"

I've seen no "twats", either metaphorical, or literal, on the sex threads, just coherent, strong argument in favour of discussion and some great humour at times.

I notice that the anti-sex brigade didn't answer some of the rebuttals and counter questions to their protests on the sex threads. Perhaps they'd care to elaborate on a special "Sexuality shaming" thread? Then they can get together some really good insults going and hopefully make the "sex positive" posters among us shut up and creep back into the woodwork.

Has it got legs, do you think?

Tbh I do think it needs it's own topic as there seems to be a number of people who wish to discuss the subject. However there isn't so given the fact the sex generally is part of a relationship then it does fit.

I know you feel relationships have some very sensitive threads and therefore a title like 'SEX with DH gave me a windy fanjo' is probably not want some posters want to see if they are looking for support.
Until such a time when a sex topic is created MNHQ maybe need to monitor the titles or but warnings on them.

so really it's every man for himself then and sod the green around the gills.. the deep end will do them good? Just so I know like.

"Erm, no it's not. Mumsnet is different, there's endless topics, sex is just one of them."

Yep, so put it in a topic of its own so that those of us who do not share the fascination can hide it. In much the same way that we hide breast & bottle feeding or long haul travel or geeky stuff.

Not at all gamer there your words not mine.
Tbh I don't think it's your job to go around policing new members etc. If you are so concerned that posters are over sharing then I would assume asking MNHQ to pop a warning on the thread would be helpful and maybe headed by the over shares given that MNHQ posts are blue and all official looking.

Fuck sake

mrsM I'm not 'seriously screwed up' and do not want to be someone else's wank fodder. It may happen, it may not, I'm unlikely to know and it wouldn't put me off posting something if that's what I wanted to post. There's probably thousands of people who've read my posts and thought "she sounds like a right dick I'd like to punch her in the face" but I would still post an opinion regardless of this risk.

I think people should also stop equating those who watch porn with being creepy manipulative perverts. And how do people know that MN is a 'go to' place for wank fodder?

Maryz I have self respect, please don't make it sound like those who post about sex are doing it with the intention to gratify the sex trolls.

MN have already said they won't make a specific topic for sex, and I hear what Maryz is saying about having a humour thread next to an abuse thread.

However I'm led to believe that this thread is about people who have an issue with the 'talk about sex' camp, and the various insults being thrown around (which incidentally are still being thrown around) which makes that camp feel sex shamed. It feels like we all know that some topics are controversial and attract trolls, but sex is the only topic that people want others to stop talking about because of potential masturbation from heavy breathers. I would just want to know why exactly no one gets as frothy about other subjects, which will no doubt have readers at computers wishing violence on the poster, quoting them as sources, even trying to identify them in RL. these to me are as daunting as the thought of someone masturbating.

Mumsnet is self moderating.. it's one of the many things that is appealing about the place. The bods in charge shouldn't have to put any kind of message anywhere when a simple prod from another member would suffice. Which is what happens now. Yanno, looking out for others type of thing?

Bringing a sex board in means proper almost around the clock moderation.. that is a fact, at least for a fair amount of time after it opens. Why would anybody do that when the way it is works just fine?

Self moderating means hit the report button and let MNHQ make the decision. I have seen many a title that has been edited by MNHQ so I can't see that being an issue.
In regards to giving them a simple prod it doesn't seem to work and gets peoples backs up so I quick message from MNHQ will do the job.

I find it hard to perceive how talking about one's own sex life can be affirming except through the opinions given by others? You already know what you do and what works for you. How does posting 'what you want to' support your self esteem except through the approbation of those reading it. Surely in this regard, those who insist on posting their detailed sexual anecdotes are doing so in order for them to be read and reacted to. It's exhibitionism isn't it?

And the problem with that is?

At the end of the day many don't discuss their sex lives that's their choice. But there are those that want to, for many reasons but that's their choice.

The problem with that is you are disrobing in public and getting a kick from what other people think and say about this single aspect of you. Do you think that's a healthy way to carry on because I certainly don't.
There's only one other person's views about what I do in bed that matters to me and that's the person I'm in bed with.

MrsM why would you label something about sex as exhibitionism - would you also use he same word for a post where someone talks about their detailed birth story for example? And if not what is the difference?

And why are you so against the thought of women sharing what they enjoy in the bedroom with one another? Sometimes it's nice to hear that someone finds something as enjoyable as you do. The ejaculation thread is full of 'eww' comments as expected, but it's also full of women saying how much they enjoy it, and for me personally this was affirming. It showed that people don't see it as dirty or sordid or degrading, that it is something that can be enjoyable and sexy for a woman, and it's 'not just me' So to speak. To me that is liberating, for other women to say "it's ok to enjoy sex and it's ok to talk about it". It doesn't mean we have no self respect.

That's how I see it anyway. Do you really want to live in a world where people associate women enjoying and discussing the enjoyment of sex with having a lack of self respect and being perverts? Can you not see how that is insulting?

Yes some people share TMI but if you read a topic that you feel is getting out of hand, use the report button or stop reading. Don't use the opportunity to point out how these people are this that and the other.

It doesn't matter whether I think it is healthy. It is a matter of choice.

You need to except that just because you don't do it doesn't mean nobody else should.
You are deciding that those who speak openly about their sex life must have issues. Who are you to decide that?
Maybe they are just more comfortable discussing it and do not see it as a problem on an anonymous forum.

Stop looking at this as a reflection on you because it isn't. I get that your private life is private and that's fine but I think you are out of line believing your rules should apply to everyone.

Some posters seem to have "issues" around sex and want to play out their epiphany on mumsnet, and I have a certain amount of sympathy for them: it must feel hugely liberating, if you've been brought up to think of sex as shameful, or have been in relationships which have made you feel crappy about it, to discover this huge community of women who laugh and cry together, and seem to know exactly where you're coming from.

It must feel tempting to bring the topic up all over the place, because it is so close to your heart for the place you are in emotionally. I don't think though, that posters this issue affects realise that sex-plopping all over the place has implications for the character of the site.

They obviously need support and validation, and the warm companionship to talk about the nitty gritty of stuff which mumsnet offers, but it would be a hell of a lot better if they generally stuck to one thread for that topic- there are plenty of long running support threads like single parents dating, or Brave Babes etc, and creating their own might scratch the itch, so to speak, without turning the whole of mumsnet into potential wank fodder.

Sex and a bit of mild non-specific smut will always be a feature in sections like Chat and AIBU, and that's fine, of course.

When it comes to intensely personal or detailed sex stuff, though, i think that when posters use the entire board for these issues, it derails things to the point where there is a real possibllity that MN becomes such a troll magnet that it is no longer a useful resource for other women in need of serious advice and support.

TALK about sex all you like. Posting on a PUBLIC message board about sex is different. It may be anonymous but it certainly isn't 'private' and that's one of the dangers of this site. People forget who they are talking to.

But it's not your call Mrs what people discuss on here or how much they want to share. The fact that it is PUBLIC means people can talk about whatever they choose as long as MNHQ approve.

There are various intimate subjects discussed here from bowel movements to vaginal discharge. All can be seen as over sharing. Why should discussing your sex life be different?

Sometimes MrsM people feel they can only use anonymity when talking about sex because they've been brought up to believe it's a no go topic for women to discuss, or they are just shy in RL. Posting online is another form of talking to many people. Who are you to dictate what should and shouldn't be posted on MN? Like Foot said it's about choice, and you can choose to ignore any posts you wish

BTW great post BOFster! We could have done with that concise non-ranty non-judgey post up thread I do see the potential of MN being a bit of a wanker attractor but call me optimistic I don't think it'll be the ruin of MN just yet! I think MNHQ keep a very good balance in general and like I say shut down the troll-started threads but it's no ones business to start telling users they can't share certain aspects of their life as some may deem it inappropriate, it's just to subjective to make a judgement on it!

Exactly what BoF said.

Those kind of threads do not help people who have genuine issues. They just invite trolls and perverts. That is the exact opposite of helpful.

Who do you want to talk to about personal/intimate problems? A site full of open-minded, helpful, understanding women, or a bunch of horny saddos who just want to wank about it?

The way things have gone since the whole penis beaker hoopla is that now all sex related threads are full to bursting with people desperate to over-share. They're not helpful or supportive, they're a joke.

Chippy

They're not helpful or supportive, they're a joke

Precisely! some are humour threads, there to joke and entertain.
MN is not just a site about problems and seeking support, whilst it does that very well it's also a platform for light hearted discussions too, and just because you don't find something amusing it doesn't mean it shouldn't be discussed by others

There are those that choose to post on them because they find them humours. Is that not allowed?

There will be trolls in every topic and I don't think the funny sex ones should be held solely accountable. Should somebody post a serious topic about sex then I have no doubt they will receive fantastic support and advice. The joke sex threads are just fun to some and they are the ones choosing to share.

In fact there are tons of non serious threads un here that are not supportive or helpful so should they be banned too?

Exactly Foot !

Some women on MN suffer terrible PND and struggle very much with motherhood. It doesn't stop the endless light hearted threads about the PITA things about being a parent and "what my child did to annoy me today." Similarly there are a lot of people in tough marriages but there's still jokey threads about how our OHs annoy us.

That wasn't my point at all.

There were several posts upthread about how these threads are helpful to people, affirming, supportive etc. I disagree.

That 'embarrassing sex' thread was indeed a joke but the posters weren't in on it. They were the butt of it. That's difference.

Nothing at all wrong with joking about sex, why would there be? The problem is when the joke is on naive posters who don't realise what the true intention of the thread is.

Take the Yoni threads for example. They were hilarious. If they had been started now I honestly think they would have gone a very different way.