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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Do you think it's time to start a sexuality shaming topic?

528 replies

HotSauceCommittee · 17/05/2014 18:47

For all those who want us to shut up and not to help and laugh with others about sex?

Maybe we could keep the censorious ness and the comments of "what is wrong with people?"

"This is pathetic"

"Why do you need/want to talk about this?"

I've seen no "twats", either metaphorical, or literal, on the sex threads, just coherent, strong argument in favour of discussion and some great humour at times.

I notice that the anti-sex brigade didn't answer some of the rebuttals and counter questions to their protests on the sex threads. Perhaps they'd care to elaborate on a special "Sexuality shaming" thread? Then they can get together some really good insults going and hopefully make the "sex positive" posters among us shut up and creep back into the woodwork.

Has it got legs, do you think?

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 11:23

mignonette I have never ever said sex is sleazy.

I dont think asking strangers on a parenting forum for help with my childs health or toilet training is in any way comparable to asking about whether you like a man ejaculating on your face during sex or asking for or sharing details of what I like to do in the bedroom.

And yes, I would ask people for help, other parents generally, if I was struggling with potty training or bed wetting. I wouldnt ask strangers about their sex lives.

But i suspect that you already know this.

Mignonette · 19/05/2014 11:26

Sparkling many of us were discussing the idea of females having sexual agency, being instigators, the idea of female desire and not having acts framed in the context of male dominance, female obligation. We looked at oral sex from both contexts and how it differed.

A few posts had explicit details, not that many.

If you scoot over posts seeing what confirms your beliefs, you won't get an accurate picture. The thread was far from wank fodder.

And the idea of a thread with 1000 'Yes it's fine' comments. Really? Do people think that makes good content for any subject? Of course people will explain what they think and why they think it.

Re controlling. It is the older posters who tend to frequently c/o of how the site is changing and post threads regarding this. Not the newer posters. And I would suggest that the concern does come in the main from self interest i.e little evidence of it coming from things the complainers actually agree with.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 11:27

Very controlling MaryZ

How dare you keep the same name and actually like people and speak to people?

Sparklingbrook · 19/05/2014 11:27

I have only been here 2 1/2 years and have never N/C because I don't want to. I like to think I post thoughtfully and help where I can. Sometimes I may be a bit too lighthearted possibly, but I do think and care about what goes on on here.

TBH I do struggle with all the N/C that goes on and the sometimes spurious reasons people have for doing it. I think on other sites namechanging isn't as easy as it is on here?

Now I am not explaining very well. I am not sure what I am trying to say...

Thurlow · 19/05/2014 11:28

No, Maryz, being here a while, keeping the same name, making friends and actually caring about the site is unacceptably controlling behaviour - that isn't what I mean at all.

I think the fact that people know each other so well on MN is one of its biggest benefits and it really does feel like a community at times. 99% of the time it feels friendly and welcoming.

But I am trying to explain how it can come across occasionally. As with the conversation you had with Mig last night about how a nc comment could come across wrong to someone else, you very graciously (can I say that without sounding pretentious? Another word is escaping me right now!) acknowledged that comment might have come across completely differently from how you meant it. Just like I started a thread and it went completely wrong. No one can be sure that what they write is taken the same way it is meant when it is written.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 11:29

But surely the only people that would know if the site is changing are the "older" posters?

If you have only been a week, then how will you know if it has changed or not?

Maryz · 19/05/2014 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mignonette · 19/05/2014 11:32

Tantrum

But my point was that those 'harmless' child related issues are used nefariously but because people are naive to this they focus solely on threads discussing sex.

And I also asked you if you would discuss these issues with complete strangers and give intimate details of your child's toilet habits or biological problems with them. Because I have seen VERY explicit posts by MNers discussing their childs underwear and toilet hygiene (and I PMed them sugesting they might like to have these removed which they did) but most of you seem (blissfully for you) unaware that very real people in real life trawl parenting sites deliberately for these. They like the fact that you are unaware. They like that the posts aren't contrived for their delectation as they would be on sites that cater to them and they like the uncertainty about what info will be posted. It adds to the thrill of it.

BTW the 'sleazy' comment was aimed at the thread in general, not you Tantrum

That's a problem when we post and part of the post addresses one persons comment and the rest is general. It can look as the entirety is aimed at you.

Mignonette · 19/05/2014 11:36

Tantrum

You can still make 'suggestions' even if you are relatively new to the site. Or ask why we do this or don't do that. But there does seem to be the same old names coming up in threads that c/o about change as if somehow Mumsnet is immune to the forces of culture that affect everything else and somehow has to remain FOC without doing anything at all to finance itself or showing evidence that it has indeed done that.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 11:36

But it seems more logical to ask people on a parenting site about childrens issues. Not so much about ejaqculating on someones face?

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/05/2014 11:36

Dare I ask what FE is?

cowers

Sparklingbrook · 19/05/2014 11:38

Facial Ejaculation Exit, the thing that kicked all this off......

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 11:39

You can make suggestions. Of course, and many people do.

Just the same way that "older" posters can question the changes they notice.

Since the Penis Beaker fiasco, people, IMVHO are trying to out do each other. It is, again in my opinion, childish and attention seeking.

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/05/2014 11:39

I would have thought you had been here longer than that Sparkling!

ignores other stuff

Thurlow · 19/05/2014 11:40

It's not meant to be a regular bashing point. The regulars are one of the best things about MN, as I've tried to say. I'm merely trying to point out that if someone is relatively new to MN, it is easy to take old jokes like the spreadsheet and tracking name changers the wrong way and feel as though there are posters who are keeping an eye on what is said, though that was in no way their intention.

The ease of name changing is both an enormous benefit and an enormous problem. Because so many posters have difficult or private issues to share I think name changing is essential - but sadly it has some knock-on effects and makes trolling far easier than it is on other sites.

Sparklingbrook · 19/05/2014 11:45

The ease of name changing is both an enormous benefit and an enormous problem. Because so many posters have difficult or private issues to share I think name changing is essential - but sadly it has some knock-on effects and makes trolling far easier than it is on other sites.

I agree with this Thurlow. I do get a bit Hmm about the 'N/C for this' sometimes. thinking 'Why'? when you read the totally ordinary post. Grin

Thurlow · 19/05/2014 11:49

I know Grin I can only think that they believe it is too identifying in RL...?

I guess one of the knock-on effects is that some people chose an online name that they are happy with and don't feel the need to change at all. Others like funny names that reflect what they find funny or interesting at that point in time. Neither is wrong, but I get the impression that an awful lot of users do actually n/c on a very regular basis. Maybe that is where the occasional accusations of 'royalty' come from? Because so many people change so regularly, it means that the posters who don't are actually more noticeable? (Though that's clearly not why they are not changing)

Mignonette · 19/05/2014 11:55

How did we get those children that we discuss on a parenting forum? I'd say more than half the topics on here having nothing specifically to do with parenting.

And a minority of posters post sexually explicit stuff. Most do not and it existed before PB. You just noticed it less and there was no agenda attached to it. I wonder how many of the complainers actually posted on the PB thread too, effectively condoning it.

Yes the frequent NC can make it harder for the longer timers. I also think there is an element of wanting everybody to know your pedigree so to speak whereas a new name instantly renders you 'faceless' and indistinguishable. Some posters cannot cope with that (remembers also the old timer who told me in outraged tones that 'I should have known 'that' about her- er why? ).

Sparklingbrook · 19/05/2014 12:02

'Know your pedigree'-no don't agree with that. Not sure I like the term 'old timer' much either.

But it's unreasonable to expect any poster to remember anything about another. Unless it was particularly Shock or Hmm that you couldn't possibly forget. Grin

IamtheZombie · 19/05/2014 12:14

Zombie would be grateful if someone could explain what an 'old timer' such as herself is allowed to say.

Thanking you in advance.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 12:15

Nothing zombie Grin

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 19/05/2014 12:15

I've been here about a year, I have spells of frequent use and spells where I lurk. I don't actually think I could name one regular poster! I think having no avatars and sigs helps. Other parenting forums which I've flounced from have these and make regular posters stand out like sore thumbs.

Agree re spreadsheet joking makes me wonder if some people actually do have a spreadsheet I'd absolutely love to take a look at it

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/05/2014 12:17

But, what difference does it make if some people remember other posters?

This comes up all the time and I still don't get it.

Why is it such a big deal to joke with people?

I have never ever seen a thread full of "old timers" where a new poster or someone who has NC has posted and everyone has ignored them.

Sparklingbrook · 19/05/2014 12:23

I have confessed this before but in Oct 2011 when i first joined I had a little notebook. I wrote posters names in as I wanted to remember them. Some entries had 'poorly DS' next to them or a little word about what we had in common such as TV or music. Sometimes i would write 'avoid' because I didn't agree with that posters point of view.

I didn't want to put my foot in it or upset anyone. How naive was I? Sad really.

Thurlow · 19/05/2014 12:23

99.9% of the time it's not a big deal that people remember other posters or joke with them. It's what makes MN so friendly.

But 0.1% of the time it comes across a bit wrong and can look as though posters are trying to say what can and can't be discussed on MN.

As for what people are allowed to say, surely they are allowed to say whatever they want within the site's talk guidelines?

Which actually applies to people joking with other posters, making comments about recognising name changers from their posting style, saying they disagree with a particular topic, suggesting people are over-sharing... as well as posters who want to share intimate details of their life, and posters who disagree with another posters opinion.