MNHQ moving a thread AGAIN due to bereavement without OP asking.

[LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops]

I am quite cross (again).

Once more, we have seen MNHQ move a thread from another topic to 'bereavement' without the OP requesting it. Why do you do this? Frankly it really pisses me (and others I believe) off that we cannot talk about infant death without having to be sidelined ushered into the bereavement topic. People suggest the move in good faith perhaps, thinking (albeit in a terribly patronising way) that any bereaved parent of an infant must be protected form robust discussion and 'supported'.

Please, MNHQ, I demand to know (once again) if you have a policy of doing this, and your reasoning. I don't have the time to explain exactly how marginilised it can make you feel when you realise that a forum that you love dearly shows itself to want to keep people with certain experiences away from the rest of the site. Please respond.

Aibu is wrong, it's been wrong for a long time. And all it represents and all it does to the site in general, is wrong.

But surely moving it because aibu is too fighty, just enables the fight atmosphere that you claim you are trying to stop? It is supposed to be a forum for getting both sides of opinion. To see if you are being unreasonable or justified in your thoughts. Sometimes it is precisely the right place for the thread no matter what the subject matter.

Otoh there is a hell of a lot of stuff in aibu that really shouldn't be there and people are just being lazy.

all of which, Rebecca, highlights again the problem with AIBU and with the type of posts and posters that tend to hang around there. There is an expectation that direct and insensitive posts are acceptable there, in a way which would not be accepted or allowed elsewhere on MNHQ

Yet that just didn't happen on that thread did it?

I like a 'debate' on AIBU, that doesnt mean I don't know how to show sensitivity if required.

I think it should be MN policy to NOT move a thread to bereavement before hearing back from the OP.

It does smack to me of shunting bereaved parents into a little quarantined section. Very insensitive. If a poster has chosen to post about their child, who has passed away, in a topic that is not Bereavement, then that is their choice and decision and shouldn't be taken away from them without consulting them first.

Yes NewStart, that's the conundrum. The problem is AIBU, IMO. It's the gun that enables the bastards to shoot people.

AIBU = Fight Club

this is a support forum...intended to make lives easier. it has no place here, I believe.

I loathe aibu. Its a cesspit.

Amber - some don't though.

I also love a good debate. MN has honed my debating skills

OP - sorry to take this away from the subject in hand.

AIBU does get trolls and heated arguments but it can be much calmer and more rational. Certain things aren't about what's rational or 'reasonable' though. Grief isn't in any way reasonable and how you choose to commemorate the day your child died isn't about reason. It's a personal thing that you get to decide.

Rebecca I think moving stuff out of aibu in case it starts a debate/fight is treating posters like 2 year olds.. no dont post there you will get yelled at .. go post here in this nice fluffy topic

If you dont want a topic with debate/strong words then dont have one but if you have one and people decide to use it as it was intended then its not fair to move it

Well, at least with Aibu, you can contain the cesspit monsters in one place...

It doesn't do that though Quint, sadly - it just spills over into other areas of the site. You even get people writing titles in other subjects that look like AIBU titles. And often you get responses in AIBU format (yabu, yanbu) when it's posted nowhere near AIBU.

I mean the aggression follows people around the site, too. Obv the terminology isn't so much of an issue.

I know what you mean though. It should be replaced with "What Would You Do", and not imply that anybody is unreasonable.

AIBU has it's good points. It's good when it's 3am and you need to fight talk to someone. It's good when you just need to fight interact with someone.

Life can be lonely and sometimes fighting talking to someone is just what you need to do.

I can honestly say, over the last 4 years (which have included my DS being diagnoses with autism) AIBU has been a bit of a lifesaver.

Soemtimes people ARE unreasonable. Sometimes, we are angry. Sometimes, we want to argue. Not because we really disagree but we are angry and we need to vent.

Don't diss AIBU. It serves a purpose.

@boredandrestless

I think it should be MN policy to NOT move a thread to bereavement before hearing back from the OP.

Hello. And yes, that is very much our policy.

It looks as though we did move this thread today before we'd contacted the OP, and that was our mistake.

It should not have happened - whether the thread was originally created in AIBU or anywhere else.

Many apologies. We'll take steps to try to ensure this doesn't happen again.

Yes that might work. I do wonder if it is too late now and the AIBU style is too ingrained in people's expectations of MN behavour, now.

I've been saying how much I hate it for years now but no one has done anything, apart from put a little warning at the top of the page.

It's really got its teeth into MN now.

x posts, that was to Quint.

or just an experiment to see how many 'now's I could get into one post. I'm sharing a room with i-robot and I cannot think.

I think AIBU has a place on MN.

The posts on Liras thread were all fair even if they didnt totally agree with her.

AIBU is not full of 'monsters'

Liras thread proves that.

Its used by MN members that post on other areas too.

"AIBU has it's good points. It's good when it's 3am and you need to fight talk to someone. It's good when you just need to fight interact with someone.

Life can be lonely and sometimes fighting talking to someone is just what you need to do."

Which proves my point about AIBU exactly. How is fighting about 'by parents for parents' and for being here to support each other?

Of course the occasional thread in there is reasonable.

It's just that when some people feel like being aggressive, they gravitate to that place because they know it is accepted and expected.

It's an enabler for poor consideration for others, for too-blunt speaking, for insulting people to the point of tears.

That doesn't mean that everyone who uses it exploits it. But for those who wish to, it's perfect.

And you can go a very long way without breaking talk guidelines.