MNHQ moving a thread AGAIN due to bereavement without OP asking.

[LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops]

I am quite cross (again).

Once more, we have seen MNHQ move a thread from another topic to 'bereavement' without the OP requesting it. Why do you do this? Frankly it really pisses me (and others I believe) off that we cannot talk about infant death without having to be sidelined ushered into the bereavement topic. People suggest the move in good faith perhaps, thinking (albeit in a terribly patronising way) that any bereaved parent of an infant must be protected form robust discussion and 'supported'.

Please, MNHQ, I demand to know (once again) if you have a policy of doing this, and your reasoning. I don't have the time to explain exactly how marginilised it can make you feel when you realise that a forum that you love dearly shows itself to want to keep people with certain experiences away from the rest of the site. Please respond.

well said loopyloops and 5 mad things ...

Bugger the respect of others!

you put it where you feel it should be. I'm guessing you think AIBU? It's your friend's reaction not the reason per se.

Not sure it'll make the slightest difference, but I will say a small prayer for Ethan tomorrow. I say a small prayer for my kids each day, just a quick one. Will include your little one tomorrow.

I'm not 100% your friends are BU, but you definitely aren't.

You know MNHQ, that child death isn't contagious. If we post about it where people will see it, it doesn't mean that your child will catch it.

FFS

I asked for it to be moved (as I'm sure others did too) because AIBU is heated and there are some posters who --troll- say rather harsh things for the sake of it.

If you want MNHQ to leave it, tell them. Or ask them to move it to Chat if you want.

Narked - I'm not aware of anyone who said anything for the sake of it on this thread. Not saying it doesn't happen, but not aware of it on this thread.

Thank you everyone. I must sign off for a while now. Off to visit my parents. But thanks so much for all of your prayers and blessings in this and the other thread. Words can't describe how content it has made me feel. It has also made Ethan's life feel much more significant.

But narked - it's not up to you to decide on the OP's behalf that she might be upset by some of the robust opinions. That's a very patronising and assumptive attitude.

If you were that concerned, you could have PMed her and suggested that she ask for the thread to be moved.

THIRD time in as many months, too. Hellomynameisfred's thread and Chez12's also moved without their consent or request.

Bereaved parents are not idiots when we post out side bereavement its because we are looking for wider opinions than those who have been through what we have . You know sometimes its better to hear the opinions of those not scarred by the loss of their child

we shouldnt be told ..go ask the others

I think it was the title of the post that was more of a problem for me, rtaher than the content which Was obviously very helpful to the OP.
Those of you who have said that there are other subjects that are equally painful are right.
If you have chosen to hide pregnancy, multibirths, conception etc, it's hard to see AIBU used for POAS, pregancy woes, miscarriage etc.
It was hard for me as I've just lost another pregnancy at 8 weeks and due to my age I know that I have lost my last chance to have another baby. It's very personal to me and I know that Lira had no idea when she posted and I fully agree that my pain is nothing like her bereavement.
Don't worry about me, I have great RL support, they are all at work during the day which is why I'm on here!

I don't know - I think it can be tricky.

SN issues have their own board.i don't feel shunted off there - I don't feel sidelined.
I do talk about my son wherever the fuck I like. But if a thread was moved I don't think I would feel likei had been shut up. I think I would assume that t might be difficult for others.
I know how robust I am, but for a mother with a new diagnosis..?
Because I am happy with issues being in aibu can I expect everyone else to cope just because I do?

It's tricky for mnhq I imagine.

But I also didn't see the thread so I am probably talking out of my arse. Very likely.

Hope I can understand that the title would have been like a kick in the gut for you .. but surely you can hide the thread and let the debate continue

We are all going to find stuff in chat and/or aibu from time to time thats upsettiing but unless we get rid of the topics its going to happen to us all at some time

I am truly sorry for your loss.. I was hoping the fact you were on bed rest meant you were trying to hold on to your pregnancy.. sad to realise you arent

but pag... you are dealing with a child with sn just like bereaved parents are dealing with the loss of their child and we are comfortable talking about it with others...why should others be uncomfortable ?? its part of who we are

Hi all,

Apologies for any upset, that is never our intention.

This thread was moved earlier today after many reports that AIBU was not the right place ie. too 'fighty' for this sort of discussion.

We do not want to 'hide' any discussion, but we are also very aware that this is a very emotive subject and we didn't feel that AIBU was the correct place for it.

We have mailed the OP, as she has said above, and we would welcome any suggestions/ feedback on how to deal with threads such as this in the future.

Once again, apologies for any upset caused, it really wasn't our intention.

.... all of which, Rebecca, highlights again the problem with AIBU and with the type of posts and posters that tend to hang around there. There is an expectation that direct and insensitive posts are acceptable there, in a way which would not be accepted or allowed elsewhere on MNHQ.

I think the post that is being referred to here was actually a genuine AIBU question. It's sad, really, that people would have complained about it being in the wrong place rather than complain about the wrong kind of posting from people in AIBU.

'It's not up to you to decide on the OP's behalf'

Indeed. So I asked MNHQ to look at it. I wouldn't PM the OP asking her to move a thread as that to me would be pushy and inappropriate. I expected HQ to ask her if she wanted it moving.

Hellomynameisfred's and Chez12's threads were moved, too. Not at all fighty, in fact, Chez's could be very beneficial for other children's lives.

But hey, shunt them off.

Could it be a What Would You Do question (which has a section) rather than AIBU

Putting threads in Chat gets them seen and isn't as confrontational.

Here's a suggestion MNHQ - Don't move the thread without first asking the OP. And stop assuming that you have to 'protect' us bereaved parents. Our children have died, theres not much more that can hurt us...

I agree with BIWI.

If someone is a long-standing member, they know what AIBU is like.

I could possibly understand if it was a new member who might not have known what they were letting themselves in for.

But give people credit for choosing which topic they think best to post in. If they wanted it in Bereavement, they'd post it there in the first place.

completely agree with BIWI.

I agree- ask the OP first, but in general (and I've said this before) AIBU just isn't the place for people who are feeling delicate. Too many posters cannot be trusted to just think a bit about how someone might be feeling before they post.

I agree with BIWI

I wish AIBU would be abolished really. It used to be funny and lighthearted