MNHQ moving a thread AGAIN due to bereavement without OP asking.

[LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops]

I am quite cross (again).

Once more, we have seen MNHQ move a thread from another topic to 'bereavement' without the OP requesting it. Why do you do this? Frankly it really pisses me (and others I believe) off that we cannot talk about infant death without having to be sidelined ushered into the bereavement topic. People suggest the move in good faith perhaps, thinking (albeit in a terribly patronising way) that any bereaved parent of an infant must be protected form robust discussion and 'supported'.

Please, MNHQ, I demand to know (once again) if you have a policy of doing this, and your reasoning. I don't have the time to explain exactly how marginilised it can make you feel when you realise that a forum that you love dearly shows itself to want to keep people with certain experiences away from the rest of the site. Please respond.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, so I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think once you have lost a child.... no one, unless they have gone through similar, can POSSIBLY understand how it feels.

You can say you know how you think it would feel. But you don't.
You can say you know how you would act. But you don't.
Trouble is, if you haven't lost a child, you don't have a clue. You don't mean to be clueless, but you are. You can be the best friend in the world, but still get it wrong.

I saw a child get knocked over today. It didn't look good. The driver who hit him was begging me to stay. I left to collect my (autistic) child from school. I couldn't risk being late.

I don't even know why I'm adding that. I want to understand, but I never truly will. Because however much I try to understand what it feels like to lose a child, I never will get it. Unless I live through it.

That wasn't a dig at HQ tbh Helen although you might have thought it looked one.

I know what you are saying, I understand what you're saying and I'm sorry that you've suffered loss too, but I just hope that some lessons can be learnt today.

A lot of people have been upset and angered.

A bereaved mothered isn't a ticking bomb, she won't explode. Give her a chance and she will tell you how she feels.

once I'm not sure which angle you're coming there.

My best and most loveliest friend hasn't lost a child but she gets me, she gets what I've lost.

I suppose it boils down to what sort of person you are at the end of the day.

I'm not sure I even know where I'm coming from Everlong. I seem to be totally tied up with my son's SN. I don't seem to think outside of that. My posts seem to be tied up with that. I'm sorry that I am so preoccupied with that. I want to listen and be there for others, but largely, I don't think I am.

"Asmywhimsytakesme Wed 12-Sep-12 18:42:34
I used to research historical attitudes to death. In the seventeenth century if you were ill or dying all family and friends came to visit the house. They helped and brought gifts. More recently a sociologist wrote a book called the loneliness of the dying because death is now so taboo."

Yes yes yes. Fact is death is a part of life. It is 100% certain. One of the few things. We can't escape it. Modern medicine and lifestyle changes mean that we live longer and healthier and thus encounter it less. As a society we are forgetting this. It is not seen as the normal. Whenever and however it happens it is incredibly sad. We will miss our love ones, we might be angry at the timing or method. It will probably leave a hole behind. But it will happen to us all at some point. I for one don't forget this, I don't think that death should be forgotten about, marginalised. I think that if people need to talk about it they should be able. Disease might be catching but talking about death? That isn't. It might make us emotional but truely allowing others to discuss their memories of the person and their traits, their frustrations and thoughts that is our ability to respect other's and their grief. We will all grief differently, but respecting others in the way they chose to do it, be it posting in Aibu with a suitable thread or in breavement for support, that is how we can show our respect for those who have lost others. Moving their posts because others feel it best is, imo, not terribly respectful. We will all encounter death at some point. And personally, I will not be told how I should feel or grieve. That is my decision. Just respect that.

perhaps I might be a bit sensitive. there have been too many funerals in the last few years. the last just a few weeks ago.

Having a child with SN must be hard and I'm sorry things are tough for you.

Many of us are struggling with lots of different things. Life can be tough.

@boredandrestless

Your reply MN makes it seem that this was a one off, but it's not. This at least the 2nd thread I have stumbled across very recently where this has happened.

Is everyone at MNHQ aware of this policy? (to NOT move a thread to bereavement before hearing back from the OP)

Perhaps it needs to be made clear to everyone at HQ?

Yes, we are all aware. It became a firmer policy after the other more recent occasions.

Unfortunately, though, there was a cock-up today.

Morning all!

Back-tracking a little, but I like AIBU too. I think the point has been missed a bit. A bereaved parent can be feisty and up for debate as well as being bereaved. I guess that is the bit that offends me - the assumption that your personality traits are superceded by the bereavement. Anything else is out the window, ans as soon as there is the death of a child involved, everyone wants you gone. This is more about posters requests than MNHQ's action.

Thanks for your responses MNHQ. Please try to enforce your policy. It is easier to do nothing than to move, your policy is to keep the status quo unless specifically requested, so perhaps your training needs looking at?

The thread is still in Bereavement, with plenty of people sharing their stories of their angel babies and how they felt pressure to 'move on', not mention their children, sweep them under a carpet.

It's still there. So I'm off to bump it, because you know, it really peeves me.