Madmouse's open letter to MNHQ about the treatment of those with disabilities on MN

[madmouse]

Dear MNHQ

I joined MN when I was pregnant with my lovely ds. That heady autumn with bump before such words as NICU, neonatal seizures, brain damage, cerebral palsy, speech delay, special school entered my vocabulary.

That was 5 whole years ago - and all that time MN has been a part of my life. Got a lot of support from my ante- and postnatal buddies and from experienced SN mums. Gave back where I could. Became ill with PTSD, found the MH threads, recovered, started to give support on the MH threads.

Now I've come to the point that the only thing stopping me from leaving MN is that I would let down people on the MH threads. Other than that your (MNHQ) behaviour today has been an eye opener and a bit of a final straw.

MN has become, like RL, a place where disabled people and people with disabled children are not safe, not treated equally and not extended the same courtesy and respect as those without disabilities.

What happened today is just a tip of the ice berg. Day in day out threads appear with the same old theme. AIBU to use this disabled space because my baby's maxi cosy is too big and the P&T spaces are full, AIBU to use the wheelchair space on the bus (those two appear weekly by and large), AIBU to think it's nice to be disabled because you get lots of benefits, AIBU to think disabled people have it easy, AIBU to think I should have a free car too seeing as that I pay taxes.

It goes on and on and on. And none of it is ever challenged other than by a small group of us who do all this fighting in RL too - because it affects us and our children.

There is such thing as discrimination. And you do have a duty to stamp it out. Hand off moderation is no excuse certainly seeing how quick you were to delete 2shoes thread when some of us started fighting back against the endless threads of threads which in turn are copies of last week's threads.

I am very disappointed. And I think you have some thinking to do.

Best wishes

I don't honestly remember you from an old thread ASilly. But clearly the thread still rankles with you.

So how do you explain the flaming of those who have a daily struggle with disability issues by others who do then Pag.

Apart from a very sad situation :(

Now I really must leave if people are going to come and start flaming me based on an old thread which I cannot remember. Not wanted or needed.

Well apologies, it seemed directed at me, you didn't name the person you were referring to.

Accepted ASilly, I honestly wasn't meaning you, and also apologies for any upset caused on an old thread :)

Accepted.

I think we all need a nice cup of :)

Fanjo
I am not trying to explain anything. I am certainly not trying to speak for any posts by anyone else. I just posted how I see the situation - my thoughts on why the issues get so inflamed. People can agree or think it is bollocks.

But I am certainly not trying to get involved in the bloody exhausting ' tit for tat, he said she said, who is behaving the worst ' postings.

Pag, oh sorry, I genuinely wasn't being snarky there but was actually asking for the benefit of your wisdom as I respect your opinion, sorry if it came out wrong.

Nah, it's fine. I just found all this so upsetting yesterday as people who broadly agree were going at each other because of raised emotion and misunderstanding. And a few thick arses and shit stirrers sat in the middle making things worse.

It was very sad.

That is exactly what I was trying to say too, it's very sad.

So how many votes for the previous suggestion, mnhq delete the Disablist comment with a link to Disablist behaviour not tollerated on mn, and a list of difficulties carers and the disabled encounter?

I think the first step is for MNHQ to determine what constitutes a disablist post....

I think that many people will not click a link. I think it would be better if the myth and bust were posted on the actual post. (I would, though.)

peggyblackett - indeed my point exactly. i want to know what frames the discussion. I actually learned a lot from reading well structured responses on all sides and it made me think about the subject.

Which is quite different from saying that we cannot discuss in any context becuase it is disablist.

It is a case of asking questions respectfully ans then not using the answers as a stick to beat with, deletions will need to take place and posters will quickly learn.

Personally I wouldn't feel that comfortable with a list of difficulties carers and people with disabilities encounter, would feel a bit patronising and like school. People can surely tell people in response to their actual post or just report them if they feel they are actually being disablist (as opposed to selfish and inconsiderate which I feel is often the case rather than disablism)

I mean if someone says something racist people usually pick them up on it or report it, and they aren't directed to a big list of 'difficulties people of different races encounter'

Although a list might be better than some people swearing and ranting with frustration at the poster they don't agree with.

Also if people are selfish and lack empathy a list isnt going to change them IMO.

Sorry for all the posts, keep thinking of stuff

Yep fanjo, that is exactly it. Some people are being disablist, others are being pig ignorant - there is a difference. I would personally like MN to delete disablist posts e.g. posts where posters say that the R word is still acceptable for example, but leave ignorant posts e.g. where someone infers that all wheelchair users are fit athletes (Jesus wept) so that they get given a flaming instead. It is important that we remain objective, even when it is bloody tempting to be subjective when an ignorant twunt is posting.

Yes, I agree totally.

Also, maybe those who find constantly having to 'educate' is upsetting them (understandably, I have challenged people making offensive posts before and it is not fun and doesnt bring best out in anyone)could find a page that they could link to which gets their point across, or make something up they could copy and paste if they are having to make same point over and over. If that's not a stupid concept.

The worst people I have dealt with on here are the trolls who just love to cause offence and stir up a situation but I wouldn't call even them disablist just callous arseholes with no thought for others. Have learned to stay away from them or just report them.

This is good, I like your thinking.

Mnhq have posted on the bus thread.