Madmouse's open letter to MNHQ about the treatment of those with disabilities on MN

[madmouse]

Dear MNHQ

I joined MN when I was pregnant with my lovely ds. That heady autumn with bump before such words as NICU, neonatal seizures, brain damage, cerebral palsy, speech delay, special school entered my vocabulary.

That was 5 whole years ago - and all that time MN has been a part of my life. Got a lot of support from my ante- and postnatal buddies and from experienced SN mums. Gave back where I could. Became ill with PTSD, found the MH threads, recovered, started to give support on the MH threads.

Now I've come to the point that the only thing stopping me from leaving MN is that I would let down people on the MH threads. Other than that your (MNHQ) behaviour today has been an eye opener and a bit of a final straw.

MN has become, like RL, a place where disabled people and people with disabled children are not safe, not treated equally and not extended the same courtesy and respect as those without disabilities.

What happened today is just a tip of the ice berg. Day in day out threads appear with the same old theme. AIBU to use this disabled space because my baby's maxi cosy is too big and the P&T spaces are full, AIBU to use the wheelchair space on the bus (those two appear weekly by and large), AIBU to think it's nice to be disabled because you get lots of benefits, AIBU to think disabled people have it easy, AIBU to think I should have a free car too seeing as that I pay taxes.

It goes on and on and on. And none of it is ever challenged other than by a small group of us who do all this fighting in RL too - because it affects us and our children.

There is such thing as discrimination. And you do have a duty to stamp it out. Hand off moderation is no excuse certainly seeing how quick you were to delete 2shoes thread when some of us started fighting back against the endless threads of threads which in turn are copies of last week's threads.

I am very disappointed. And I think you have some thinking to do.

Best wishes

It shouldn't be two sides, with us or against us, even if it is emotive.

I have a DD with SN yet get flamed for not conforming to some militant anti-disablist stance. Doesn't mean I have no understanding or empathy for people affected by disabilities.

Spurious "and" in the first paragraph, sorry. Should write shorter sentences.

I x-posted with you there.

I do get what you are saying Thumbwitch.

Except..it can make them bad sometimes because there is no real excuse for treating others like shit because you have had a bad day, no matter how hard your life is IMO. It happens but then apologies should be made.

Badvoc, what would you like to see? What boundries do you think should not be crossed on mn?

I think its Disablist to ask without respect another posters medical history when they are not posting looking for help ideas on their medical condition.

Equally yes, the other side should maybe employ a little more sensitivity in what they are saying and try to really understand how the issue is affecting the other person in their day to day life.

See I think that it does make them a bad person.
I would be ashamed of my 9 year old asking that question.
That it comes from a grown woman depresses me more than I can adequately express.
However, I realise that by saying the above I will now be labelled as "militant"
So be it.

No, it's not militant to express your true honest feelings and act upon them.

I was referring more to when people see situation as a blanket them /us, good/bad and react with frankly rude and offensive comments to opposing opinions straight away without thought,

And why the passive aggressive 'i will be labelled'. I personally am not into labelling people. It's these guilt trips and PA comments I object to, on both sides.

Anyway I need to go off and deal with DD, have made my point I think. You can ask for reasoned discussion without being one of the 'bad disablist people' and you can object to someone's rude behaviour even if you have commented on disability issues in the past since they affect you (ok that bit was not directed at you badvoc)

silly
I wish I knew.
There will always be bigots ( to be fair to the op in question I don't think she is a bigot, I think she is an idiot) and obv MN can do nothing about that - this is a public forum after all - but IMO MNHQ provide this forum and have a duty of care to its users to abide by their own talk guidelines...
Until they do that I don't know what can be done.
some of the replies from MNHQ to this incident have really opened my eyes tbh...and I think have made the situation worse. It has certainly angered me.
I realise that complaining and not offering solutions will perhaps see me mocked but, honestly, I don't know what the solution is.
I would have liked MNHQ to contact some of the posters in question and asked for ideas/comments/tips on how to prevent the level of upset and anger some have felt.
But they didn't.

Fanjo, I agree. I have a profoundly disabled dd, I agree wholeheartedly with the OP, but I don't agree with some of the later posts.

Personally I think MNHQ should consult with an organisation like Mencap to determine a policy. Mencap spend a lot of time campaigning against disability hate - I suspect they would be able to deliver guidelines on what is right amd wrong.

What we need to be careful of is not deleting SN related posts that yes, may touch raw nerves, but aren't actually disablist. That serves no purpose whatsoever.

Fanjo, I agree. I have a profoundly disabled dd, I agree wholeheartedly with the OP, but I don't agree with some of the later posts.

Personally I think MNHQ should consult with an organisation like Mencap to determine a policy. Mencap spend a lot of time campaigning against disability hate - I suspect they would be able to deliver guidelines on what is right amd wrong.

What we need to be careful of is not deleting SN related posts that yes, may touch raw nerves, but aren't actually disablist. That serves no purpose whatsoever.

ASillyPhase, fair enough, that is your prerogative, we can't like everyone and their posts :)

Not sure who you are referring to fanjo?
Anyway, let's let that go, especially as the poster I think you may be referring to is no longer posting.
I think I a line needs to be drawn under this tbh.
It's been a very eye opening couple of days - for me anyway.
I will never see MN in the same way again.
And I will be very careful on what threads I comment on.
Is there a way you can permanently hide a topic?

Inflame instead, ok!

That was xposted and was to asillyphase.

Oh yes I am letting it go, not wasting my energy on that poster you can be assured badvoc:)

But I do have right to express my opinion in face of a shitty attack.

Not sure how you can hide a topic, I agree it's a good idea, Mn can cause a lot of pain for no real personal gain.

..?

Asillyphase - whatever dear

Now I have a Dd who needs cuddled

I agree very much with Thumbwitch.

I see these issues descend into terrible upset and antagonism on both sides and it is as frustrating as hell.

But I guess my bottom line is that on contentious threads most of the time one 'side' of the discussion is an exercise in debate and scenarios and interesting moral dilemma. For the other dude it is yet antihero straw on the camels back of difficulties and abuse and day to day callous indifference.

To expect bit sides to behave with the same level of dispassionate self control seems a bit unreasonable to me.

Two people may walk away from the discussion with hurt feelings but very likely only one has been hurt about a subject which already breaks her heart.

When it is your child, your adored, gorgeous, helpless, harmless child that has had things shouted at them and whose life is unimaginably hard it is going to make you a bit 'militant'.

It does get batty. It was implied yesterday that I was taking the piss out of the those who were so upset by the bus threads. But I try to remember that trying to get my child from a to b in the face of crass selfishness is not a problem I face so others are going to be more emotional around this issue than me.

I also look at the fantastic articulate supporting posts from those on those threads who are not affected by disability and it heartens me. I think at times others forget how many 'neutrals' are incredibly knowledgable and supportive of the sn community on here and in real life. I think if they start getting throw under the bus we all lose something.

Veiled comments to me, held on to and brought from an old thread to which I responded.