Java Web Developer position at MNHQ

[DarrenMumsnet]

Hi all

We're looking for a top-notch Java Web Developer to join our Tech team and wondered if you know of/or are one.

The job involves writing concise, efficient, maintainable web applications using Java. Detailed knowledge of SQL, HTML and CSS is also required and familiarity with Apache Velocity would be a bonus.

Previous commercial experience is necessary and there is also the possibility of progression into project management and supervisory responsibilities.

Tea and biscuit consumption not essential.

The role is office-based, five days a week and is a permanent position.

To apply, or for more information, please email [email protected] by Friday 16 March 2012, attaching a CV and cover letter.

Best
MNHQ

PMSL - MN must be the only place you have to explain your requirements to people not even interested in the job!!

Good luck anyone that applies - I wouldn't apply. Tea drinking and biscuit eating aren't even compulsory

Forget about those people. I am amazing at SQL, HTML and CSS.

In fact, I've got all my Read Write Inc phonics sounds so I can even do the rest of the alphabet as well.

(grin)

Damn, forgot the square brackets!

I don't do computer languages but I write nice plain English and am exceptionally good with Google. Job, please?

Home based whilst overseas. Ta!

Sorry but you're all just too late, Dazzer is sorting out my contract already. Work from Java, eat sql all day and drink html. He said the job was already mine but they had to advertise it to appear fair you see. Sorry ladies, guess I'm just waaaaay better than you!

You need a test analyst too - right? To analyse all that concise, efficient, work done by the Java developer. I think you do :)

Erm, I can use Word and Excel and am a whizz on t'internet but I barely know what Java is (it pops up every now and again right?)

Hooooowever, If you need an Events Manager ....... Count me in.

Think or the conferences we could have. You could have like simultanious sessions like an AIBU talk in one hall, The Chicken One I'm sure that I've seen things about Chickens around but can't be sure and just Chat in another. It would be great, There could be a theme!

Ooh ooh ooh .... Think of the drinks reception

Java is that cup of tea application, that's why it has a cup of tea as it's logo. It's a tea-making app! Well I'm sure I could get the hang of that one!

Oi BlueNails, can you do me an event for celebrating my new job with Mumsnet?

Certainly Rhubarb

We could have a whole Orange cups of tea theme and everything

Well I am assuming that in that there London, the teas would be those poncey herbal teas which is why they need the Java tea application which doubtless tells you which tea to make for which occasion. As an Events Manager I really am surprised you haven't come across this?

Now, who shall we invite to my New Job Party?

Lunatic, this is England dear, not America. We drink tea here.
And a business such as Mumsnet would not want American influences bringing in.

One lump or two dear?

I meant the cups would be orange.

No poncey tea at my events I'm afraid. Just a good ol' brew

Or we could do a theme around gibberish which, that advert up there ^^ was to me

al the signs could be things that make sense to computer geeks geniuses but non of us normal not so genius people and erm ......

No that's crap, let me think brainstorm

Yes but if you want a job you have to roll with the ponceys and pretend to like their buttercup and privet hedge tea and to just know what sql means but it's ok because they are all just pretending too. So everyone does a job, with pen and paper but they pretend that they are doing it all on computer with like, codes and shit. What they don't see is you using tippex to adjust images and then re-scanning them to make it look like you've edited them on the pc.

I am the Queen of bullshitting my way into jobs.

Bet MNHQ can't wait to welcome me on board!

I have the perfect person in mind, but it's a Man and he only works from Home.....:-(

PMSL at this thread.

Need a finance type at all?

DARREN! Husband would like to know salary if poss and where is mumsnet based or is that top secret? And whispers if he gets the job is there a way of maintaining my secret identity, he'll know how much time I spend on here hides iPod

And you'll be glad to know he can work a computer better than me, frikking iPod, bold type never shows up when you want it

How many years commercial experience are you expecting? ie can you actually afford me ?

@Whobuilt

DARREN! Husband would like to know salary if poss and where is mumsnet based or is that top secret? And whispers if he gets the job is there a way of maintaining my secret identity, he'll know how much time I spend on here hides iPod

MNHQ is in Kentish Town, London. But no idea of salary, I'm afraid

If your DH got the job, Whobuilt, we'd think of something - witness protection stylee - to stop him realising the full extent of your MN addiction

@swanker

How many years commercial experience are you expecting? ie can you actually afford me ?

Erm, no idea, swanker, sorry. But please do apply anyway. You sound good at playing your first hand very experienced.