What is the point of the AIBU section?

[Flighttattendant]

It's been around for a while now and anyone can see it's become really gladiatorial.

It's frankly an absolute pit...it's dreadful.

I have had it hidden for months now which makes my personal MN a lovely place to be, but as soon as I venture into that topic I find myself wanting to leave the whole site.

There must be some way to offload it surely...why not have it as a spin off site, separate from MN? The thing is, many people who come here will see all the nonsense of it in active convos and likely be put off completely if they have any sensitivity whatsoever.

I think it's a disgrace and brings us all into disrepute. In fact I used to recommend MN to all and sundry, but now I am ashamed to because of AIBU being such an apparently popular and sizeable part of the site.

I don't know what to do about that. The rest of the place is pretty balanced. But it's like Jeremy Kyle Corner.

miranda priestly fictional Devil wears prada editor.allegedly based on ann nuclear wintour

I am fine thanks FA. Yourself?

I am not around much on MN anymore because I don't seem able to get into it anymore. Your post to me must be the first personal comment I have had in about a year!

all this hark back to good ole days of mn of yore is tosh

really? pre aibu was some vile scraps too.
people posting we did that already/search the archives
much more cliquey
more in jokes and crawly threads
..dont recognise these halcyon days of mn at all

Never said the days were halcyon SM.

But they were better imo.

i recall it was cliquey mn is better as it grows

Yes, I agree, it was cliquey. And there was a lot of "look it up in the archives". Which was annoying.

But the animosity shown towards posters, and the constant trolling and troll hunting now is far more damaging imo.

Lovely to see you DG, anyway I am envious that you can't get into it! I wonder if I will ever get to that point!

SM - these are two separate issues. Of course there were bad things back then and some of those have lessened, but we're not talking about cliqueyness or whatever, we're talking about AIBU.

It's something that's had a largely (not exclusively) negative impact in seemingly many people's eyes.

Getting it shifted over slightly out of sight isn't going to bring back cliqueyness.

i dont agree an opinionated minority tell the majority where to post,feel free to dislike.but not on to wish to alter or manipulate location

It's AIBU that keeps me amused of a long, cold night of MNing and I, for one, would be very, very sad if it were to go. It's the heart of MN for me!

Personally, I don't see the point of Style and Beauty. Or the Pram Huns Corner (whatever it's called). They might give newbies the impression that we're all look-obsessed fashionistas with nothing better to do with our time than buy expensive clothes, or pram-obsessed loons. But I wouldn't for one minute think of asking MN to remove them because they don't fit in with my personal view of how MN should be.

Sorry, Flight, YABU.

aye all the pram scams,police getting involved.doesn't resonate goodwill or give great impression.but given i dont much post there i feel need for pram world to be curbed

feminist thread,those burds flame and name calling.feeding threads are debacle.at least aibu is overall funny

ScottishMummy are you actually reading my posts at all? The pram buying and selling section has LONG SINCE disappeared from active conversations, it was requested/demanded by loads of people (possibly still an opinionated minority though) and it went.

It has its own section separate from the main boards.

So please stop using it as a comparison in this discussion.

Brightlight, Annie, you are missing the point. Yes, there are fights all over the shop, of course there are, but AIBU is a place where people feel encouraged to fight, whatever the subject matter, plus it appears to take up a HUGE proportion of active conversations.

Politics might have one, two or maybe three threads in the top 100 while AIBU sports a weary 48 or so.

THIS is my point. Can someone please do a quick count up for me? I will go and unhide it if no one else can be bothered to count, so I can do it myself.

And SM I really don't see why it's 'not on' to ask about having something moved if other people also want it moved and if it bothers you.

Minority or not - it's never rude to ask. Just likely to be ignored.

Okay, having unhidden it now, there are currently 14 AIBUs in the top 100.

More at the bottom than the top suggesting it is more of an evening topic, perhaps. I'll keep a tally through the day if I get the chance.

14 is a huge percentage compared to any other topic you might want to mention.

Plus many of the titles are ridiculous in themselves, provocative, silly.

It doesn't give a good impression imo.

Flight honey don't get mad with me again

but you're keeping a tally?!?

Do you think you might be getting a leetle obsessed?

it's like the daily mail now and very fish wifey - get jumped on if you have one opinion that differs to everyone elses and that used to be more tolerated

aibu like daily mail?well mn posters do love the dm because it is linked and talked about daily.of course despite protestations that no one reads it.oh no that would be pil/mil/found it in cafe.plenty threads get heated and horrid not just aibu

flight you arent half banging on.i do read your posts and express my pov.i dont need to defer to you or note you dont agree.see that is the point of discursive forum. not omg you are so right,lets hug hun.maybe thats the nub of you not likey aibu,not strokey or affirmative enough

aibu doesn't give good impression?oh behave.what impression is one supposed to derive of words on a screen.oh dont fancy her font?Oh look at the spelling on her?Oh that truncated sentence structure kills me?

perhaps you take mn way too seriously if what other folk chunter about caused you to count,post and wring your hands. as a vociferous minority yes express your pov,but face it aibu is busiest bit of mn.and mnhq know aibu is busiest bit too

as you were

I often post AIBU threads that I am pretty sure will get a laid back, light hearted response. Have not had a bad experience.

Then recently I made a bit of a poor judgement and posted about my son's sleep issues in AUBI (I think I posted in a sleep deprived fug of self pity and hysteria). The vast, vast majority of posters were really kind and helpful (in a forthright, MN sort of way of course), there were one or two people who were just a bit snippy but that's an easy price to pay for 100+ opinions on something that is really important to me yet really boring to the rest of the world. But what really really surprised me was that there were a few people who expected the replies to be nasty and unhelpful just because I had posted in AIBU. I mean, what we had was a muddled mum (me) posting for support on a parenting forum, albeit in the wrong place. I was gratified but not surprised to get the support I needed. I think it is sad if MN has become the sort of place that in that situation I should have expected a flaming.

That's it Yuno. It's expected, now. That's what I think is damaging.
You don't put on JK in the morning expecting it to be lovely and calm. People watch it for the thrill of emotional war.

BigChris. I am a Woman on a Mission.

There are only 12 now. That's bizarre.

ScottishMummy you do have the right to put your opinion forward as do I, I hope. But please allow me to correct you if you misinterpret my posts.

I don't like the word 'hun' and you know that, I think you're trying to be incisive and put me down by suggesting I want it all to be lovely and cosy on here. I don't; I see a massive difference between the usual spatting that happens randomly all over the place, and a 'licensed' forum specifically it seems for conflict.

Hi Flight and all,

We've a few things to add:
We started the AIBU topic because so many threads began with the words AIBU - if we removed the topic those threads would still be there, it would just be more difficult to hide them.

It is very popular for sure - our busiest forum - but I can't recall that we've ever sold a direct ad campaign onto AIBU. It's not really very targeted (in the way that for instance pregnancy or education is so doesn't produce big spondulas tbh.) But it seems to me that for all those who argue that it lowers the tone there are as many who argue that it's their favourite bit of the site, their light entertainment, their fun.

Besides that, yes MN is a business (it always was) and we have a lot of expenses to cover these days but we never have and never would sacrifice the good of the site for revenue - I'm afraid we just don't agree that AIBU is all bad.

As a general rule MN is what the posters make it. There's no magic button that makes everyone civil. As you know we do not police the boards but rely on members report abuse. So if you think people are being over-aggressive, deliberately inflammatory or troll-hunty on AIBU, report them. It's against our rules to make personal attacks, deliberately inflame and troll-hunt. That ultimately is the best way to change the tone, and we promise to have a look at every report.

That said, I do wonder if our disclaimer at the top of AIBU is having the opposite to its intended effect - it was meant to act as a warning to vulnerable posters but maybe it has the effect of sanctioning aggression? We'd be interested to know what you think about this and whether we should look at it again?

Thanks, as ever, for the input.

Many thanks for a comprehensive explanation, Justine.

I appreciate where you are coming from in many respects.

I agree that the disclaimer thing at the top might be proving counterproductive - but then I recall there were a lot of problems before it was instigated, too.

This is where I am going with my segregated approach.

You could definitely keep AIBU seeing as it is so popular, but in a different format, so perhaps like the buggy sales section, it would not appear on the same page as everything else but in its own separate pit of doom exclusive hideout.

People could go there and join in whenever they wanted to but it wouldn't interfere with the more sensible and well intentioned general discussion forum.

I don't want to see it go, I want it to stay but in a separate section - which would take the place of the disclaimer in allowing people the knowledge that it IS a totally different kettle of fish to the rest of Talk.

You can't just take away the warning, in other words...but building a low wall around AIBU as a whole, and maybe incorporating the warning into this as well would be a good way to structure it.

Reading that back though I do wonder if people would still go there at all, given the implication that it was a bit of an 'unpleasaunce' at the end of the garden.

It would be like shoving all the smokers into one area so they all had to put up with each other.

I just feel sad really that MN has this nefarious, juvenile talk board among the other grown up ones. And it does make me want not to recommend it as a site to people I otherwise would tell to come here.

Fab? I'm not Fab, she's someone else (just in case you thought we were the same person)

How would you sugegst it is worded Bright?

There didn'#t used to be one at all and there were lots fo complaints about the way people got hurt and upset by the more vicious posts.

I'm surprised to see this thread saying how the OP thinks AIBU is so gladatorial.

I was on a thread yesterday where the first post you wrote OP was that you thought AIBU was full of bastards, and then went on to flame anyone who didn't agree with your viewpoint.

Out of the thousands of ways you could have put your message across that you believed people should perhaps tone down their posts on AIBU, you chose the one way you claim not to like.

I'm not sure why you would do that, or why you want to sideline a part of the forum you say you hide and don't like, but which others obviously do.

If you don't like AIBU perhaps don't go on there at all, and perhaps don't flame people who do like it and post there in the way you did if you want to make a valid point about it's 'visciousness'.

I'm not sre why, but I've got a funny feeling you're not going to take kindly to me posting this, which may prove the point that it's not the AIBU section that is BU but rather some individual posters...