a chance for the SN community to tell you how it really is and to tell you the horrid stuff they have to deal with

[2shoes]

all the time..
after the horror of the other thread, I think it would be good for the sn community on mn to tell their stories, when they have been harassed/assaulted/ and abused by the nt world.
night help to put a couple of minor incidents that someone in the nt world has had to put up with for a very short space of time.

so I will start ....
we were subjected ot haye crime for 5 years....why because my ds fell out with them when they called my dd a spaz.
we can't go out without the staring...small children blocking out way in the shop, whilst mummy/daddy does nothing, just so their child can stare at dd, who is shock horror in a wheelchair.
my son was bullied at school by nt kids who took delight in calling dd a spaz.

mie are minor compared with most.

campbelly - you have misread my comments entirely. I did not at any point say that ALL teachers were bigoted and ignorant - I said the ones described in many posts on here have shown themselves to be so. Do not, please, take offence at something said that was clearly not intended for teachers who DO try their best with children who have additional needs.

Peachy and tabulahrasa - that just shows, doesn't it - not considered to be important enough to be covered properly. :( and

Hec - you have mail again hope it's useful.

Thumbwitch - You're right of course, my attention to detail isn't what it should be clearly. I guess I just don't want to be associated with that kind of 'professional', and hate to think of the kids I teach getting that kind of treatment.

Sadly the mainstream school DS went top although good was only good if no 'problems' also found this out with DD2 when it became apparant that something was amiss kept saying to school but all I got was she's not like DS never said she was he was misdiagnosed.

Thankfully for other children the old maid head as retired and the head there now has 2 disabled children. She even said at transition meeting there was things noticable as far back as P2 when she first had her she even used to make little comments about thing my niece braided both my DD's hair DD2 was 6 and DD1 was 10 she asked how on earth we did it as she never sat still.

She still got none of the help promised by highschool she ended up being singled out as a trouble maker and was terribly bullied for her brother and also being fat she is no way fat she left school at end of S4 despite being 11 days to young was dx with irlens syndrome at college which expains so much complained to school for years about her spelling etc but they didn't care she now has no headaches as she has overlays and isn't half as stressed out.

I haven't read all of the posts on this thread because they make me sad. I'm sorry for being such a wimp.

I have a lovely cousin with learning disabilities who is in his 20's. At school he was bullied, and his 1 hour of support a week (that my aunt had to fight for) was taken away by the school and given to another child.

He's recently had help finding a job and he loves it, he spent a lot of time at home because he's been scared to go out on his own because of verbal abuse in the past.

I used to work alongside adults with learning disabilities. One of my colleagues was beaten up at the bus stop because he 'looked funny'. At some point, all of them had faced verbal abuse, and some physical.

r3dh3d When I did my primary PGCE we got NO SN training.

We had a lecture when we had to make a list of all the possible SN/SEN we could think of and how we might recognise them (It was a pretty limited list - think ASD, DS, ADHD, dyslexia). We were told we could speak to the SENCO if we had any concerns - But as many of you have probably realised, SENCOs are not always right, or the fount of all knowledge.

The first time I had a child with an SN in my class, I knew nothing about supporting him. No one spoke to me, no one supported me. I had no support writing IEPs - not even someone to talk it through with - I knew absolutely nothing.

I looked on the internet - on specialist websites, on here, I spoke to the parents and on one day I spoke to the SALT worker who came in for him.

I did my best for that child. Was it good enough? Probably not no. It was my NQT year and I knew absolutely nothing. But I did my best.

I've got loads of examples of times when the attitude of the school/specific teachers/SENCO have horrified me. But I think I could probably be recognised by some of them so I won't share. I also have examples of those (me included) who have spent lunchtimes crying in the toilets out of frustration and worry. I also have examples of schools and teachers that have been brilliant, so it's not all bad. I don't envy the parents' battle with the system. I really don't.

My friends DD has an SN and her mainstream school recently failed Ofsted because they'd failed to keep records on the academic progress of the children with SN. I don't even know how that can happen. I really don't.

AwkwardMary I imagine the wheelchair users you encountered as a shop assisstant would have wanted you just to treat them and talk to them the way you would anyone else. That's all most people with a disability want.

FWIW Mary, shop assisstants not knowing how to behave around me is one of the main reasons that I am largely ignored when in a shop with my Husband. If I go myself it's worse because it's like they want you just to take your stuff and get out so that they don't have to deal with you.

I have read several pages of this thread. It is shocking that some families have been through so much. Appalling that anyone would be cruel.
My mum was a teacher in a special needs school,but it was for what used to be called ebd kids (emotionally and behaviouraly disturbed), so not physically disabled.
I have a question,and I am a bit nervous about asking it.
My oldest dc(6) has started to notice if people are "different".
What is the best thing to say to her. I don't want to use any outdated/offensive terminology.
I nearly went and talked to someone in a wheelchair not long ago,but then I was afraid I wouldn't be able to understand them and make us all feel bad! This happened once at a fair, I tried to talk to a little girl in a wheelchair and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me. I went bright red and felt awful. I don't want to be patronising. I want my kids to grow up being kind,and inclusive and understanding. And to step in if they ever hear any of their friends being spoken to like some of your children have been.

I'd say that you tell your son taht eveyone is different and some people are more noticably different than others but that they all want other people to treat them like the person they are inside and not change how they treat them because of what is different about them.

sorry Angry beaver I meant to say *tell your daughter

Chopstheduck dd might be a teen now, but I have never wanted random people/children asking questions, I mean you wouldn't go up to a balck person and ask why they are black...
if i child was to come up alone dd would lol, but I would direct the question back to their parent as can imagine how time consuming it would be(and hard) to keep answering questions.

Hecate once again spot on.
mn hq have always imo kind of ignored the disablism on mn, they seem to expect the victims of this to educate.
yet don't seem to take this stance with any other hate,

Folkgirl, what a breath of fresh air it is to hear a teacher say actually i have very limited knowledge of sn's, if only more teachers would admit to this, rather than trying to cover up their lack of knowledge, we might actually get more sn training.

At ds's ms school, the school proudly tell you ALL the staff have training in ASD, this actually amounts to one afternoon of training.

Ds's academic progress one minute he is a 2c, next he is a 3a, then a 2c again. They obviously dont keep track of it or change his grades according to who they are providing this info too.

When it comes to spending money on help for children with disabiities, i have found the education system to be very corrupt.

Hugs to all those that are going through this.

I'm taking a break from writing my DD's DLA form, the renewal that you have to do even though her learning difficulities are not going to go away and the things that her NT friends take for granted she may never be able to do.

Realistically her friends are out growing her and she finds it difficult to make new friends, thankfully there are 2 others in her year at school with SEN that live locally enough for her to socialise with. But otherwise it will be a lonely life for her.

Her vulnerability make here a target for bullies and even her friends turning against her. A little toerag calling her a spastic, having an orange thrown at her head, the low level bullying that goes on from heer friends. The lack of confidence she has that somehow its her fault that she cannot always tell me these things are happening.

The vulnereability that allows her to take the blame for her friends misbehaviours because she's there but doesn't have the confidence to say it wasn't me or to walk away because she's scared of losing the few precious "friends" she has.

Her life is so different to that of her siblings with party invites galore, no best friends just lots of friends. People to play with, people to talk to. She never gets invited to parties, even in reception when everyone gets invited.

Watching the undateables last night gives me hope that she may find an understanding partner, to give her some companionship in life because at the moment I fear a lonely prejudiced life for her.

Claw I agree.

I hope that many teachers are only trying to maintain professionalism - it's not the done thing to admit to a parent you don't have any training in supporting their child! I would hope most teachers are trying to do their best behind the scenes. Or at least are frustrated by the system.

Many of the trainee teachers on my PGCE had experience working with children with SN before training and most (but not all) had very positive attitudes towards children with SN, even if they/we had no knowledge.

I generally hope it's the system at fault rather than the people working within it, on the whole. Not enough training/awareness/knowledge/understanding; not enough appropriate support/resources. The outcome is the same though - children let down and families frustrated, exhausted and fearful of the future.

campbelly, no worries - it sounds as though you are one of the good ones! :) Wish there were more of you and am horrified by the lack of training still going on (although not remotely surprised, sadly)

angrybeaver My 8 year old ds has a disability, but he still notices other peoples disabilities or anything that is different to him. I tell him that everyone is different and i also encourage him to ask, rather than stare, if possible. For example when he was in hospital one of the nurses who was treating him had one arm, he sat there staring. I asked the nurse would she mind answering questions if ds had any and she was more than happy to.

Some people have difficulty understand what ds has said, he has good language, but he will assume that the person has more knowledge than they do ie they already know everything about him, so following his line of conversation can be difficult. I dont have any problem helping them to understand what he is saying, i would rather that, than they ignore his attempts to talk to them.

Ds is quite understanding of other disabilities, which is surprising seen as he has ASD and empathy isnt his strong point. Parents really can influence their childrens understanding and good on you for wanting to

autumn,no problem, I have 2 ds's also...so will have talks with them about differences later on down the track.
Claw thanks

hecate. i reported the playground thread as there are some vile posts on there

Thanks for reporting this thread, and apologies for taking so long to get back to you; it's been a very busy couple of days.

We've read through it and think that, although it's heated in places, there's nothing in there that warrants deletion. If you think there are individual posts that we should look at again, do please report them.

was my reply
case proved

Ds had an NQT in yr 4, he was honest he knew nothing about autism he didn't know what would help and what would make things worse. But you know what, he listened to me and ds's TA (who was brilliant) and he turned out to be one of the best teachers ds ever had. He was never afraid to ask if he wasn't sure and he held his hands up if he got it wrong and ds who as a rule disliked men really liked him and he made 3 years progress that year.
Contrast that to the SENCo who was his class teacher in yr1 who thought she knew it all, didn't consider anything I might be able to tell her important, knew only the stereotypes of autism and wrote him off academically.
It isn't always about knowledge and experience IME sometimes a willingness to listen and learn supersedes all that.

Never met a decent SENco yet sadly.

Folkgirl but if teachers dont speak up, nothing will change, obviously i dont expect parents to be told at parents evening "sorry we have no idea of how to support your child" but the ones who do recognise that the training is not adequate, could speak up about the training they recieve being inadequate and ask for more.

In my experience lack of knowledge of sn's has hindered my ds's diagnosis ie teachers not be able to recognise difficulties, therefore reporting 'no difficulties' and making me sound like a mad woman.

Been detrimental to the help that he receives or is likely to receive.

Even with recommendations from experts, the teachers still insist 'he doesnt need this help' and therefore he doesnt receive. Not because they are mean or nasty, but because they have limited knowledge or experience of sns and are unable to recognise difficulties, but think they are experts because they have done a half a day course (im my case)

It seems unfair to place so much emphasis of a teachers opinion, if they are not receiving adequate training.

Absolutely claw Thats been my experience too

folkgirl would also add prior to my ds receiving his diagnosis, the school also 'reported' me to CAMHS ie ds has no difficulties, its mum who needs help as there is nothing wrong with her child and also to social services 'to help mum deal with her anxieties'

Not only did these teachers have no experience or knowledge of ASD and associated difficulties, they also became psychologists and diagnosed me as having an anxiety disorder (i am probably the most laid back person and not at all anxious, if i was at any time anxious it was because they kept telling me ds had 'no difficulties' and it was like backing my head against a brick wall!)

Again not because they were mean or nasty people, but because they had no understanding of sns.

Luckily for me CAMHS concluded that i did not suffer with anxiety and in fact had a very good understanding of ds and his difficulties and problems he was having were school related and put this into writing. But this took a year and half of one to one therapy with ds.

School tried to blame me for his difficulties, due to lack of experience and understanding and it could have turned out very differently.

Becaroo, its very isolating isnt it, no support and being blamed

I also wonder how many parents have just given up on a diagnosis, as school have reported 'no difficulties' and made it sound like any difficulties are the parents fault.