Is it me or are men just timid in bed?

[lipbites]

Genuinely curious — where did all the fun, filthy, imaginative men go? I’ve got a high sex drive, I love a bit of teasing, and I’m definitely not shy about what I want… but lately it feels like the spark’s gone out of the bedroom, or maybe just the people in it.
I don’t want beige. I want connection, filth, fun, hands everywhere, and someone who knows how to look at you like they’ve already undressed you. Is that too much to ask? Or am I shopping in the wrong aisle?

@lipbites @Zanatdy @MsDDxx there is a vast amount of ways to sexual exploration and finding out about what excites both , when you do hit the right spots, then it’s like a volcanic eruption that never stops giving! Have fun seeking it out ✊🏿

Agree. Post divorce I did a lot of dating. Most of the sex was rubbish. That sexual chemistry is vital and I have realised you don't properly connect sexually with that many people. Keep looking OP!
My ex and I had amazing sex. We are meeting a year on for one night of fun in a hotel. We can't help it. Not harming anyone. Both single. I got tingles when we started messaging again. Oops. We never properly fell out just the long distance was unworkable in the end.

Definitely agree @Summerlovin24 sexual chemistry is vital (and well worth holding out for!)

It’s quite shocking to hear a lot of men are disappointing sexually. I hadn’t realised

@Gymbunny2025 😂

I think you need to kiss more frogs and give the good ones a chance.

After my sexually disappointing marriage ended, I thought I was the problem. Lack of libido etc. I had a few chats with friends who said the majority of sexual partners they’d had had been rubbish.

I feel fortunate that the relationships I’ve had since the split have been what you’ve described but I think I’ve just been very lucky! They definitely are out there…

My child-of-the 70s husband had horrendously confused ideas about sex thanks to a deeply religious father and an early feminist mother. I never did get him up to scratch if I’m honest.

in my experience the men who are enthusiastic and confident about sex are not short of offers and are having a great time. The combination of that and being available for an actual relationship is rare, so it depends what you want!

When reading this thread, the following songs come into mind;

Behind the wheel - Depeche Mode
Closer - Nine Inch Nails

I’m intrigued- would this mean that men who are sexually confident have lots of women who are sexually confident to ‘play’ with so they don’t need to hang on to a good one? I guess implying women are more likely to be adventurous

or are men who are great in bed not so bothered if the woman is too- they just prefer variety/sleeping with lots of women?

Not saying you / anyone can answer that but it does make me wonder!

I think the woman has to be experienced and confident too for the chemistry to work.
For example. I like going down on a woman. If they shy away from that and act all coy, then the sexual relationship is pretty much over.
Also I've found that Asian women can act coy and submissive. Total turn off for me. It may well float someone else's boat but not mine.
Sex is a team event. IMO

I would assume that confident, gifted lovers are not short of female partners!

I am 35 and post divorce I connected with three men, one in their 20s, one in their 30s and one in their 40s and they were all very sexual who knew/know how to please me. Keep looking!!!

Some people care too much how they're perceived by others therefore hindering themselves.

@noego are there women like this out there? I find that very hard to believe. My female friends and colleagues talk openly about sex and none of us are ever coy or shy in the bedroom, yes it's a turn off but you must have got the anomaly!
I believe the majority of women love it when their man goes down on them, question is, do the men know what they're doing? How many times am I going to tell them keep licking me after I cum, don't suddenly stop because that will stop my orgasm!

The fantasies I have, have turned into reality in the past, but now it's different. Dare I say the men are more demure!

@lipbites

Yes is the answer to your question.

@Chonkadoodle lucky you! yes they are out there but no where near me!

Absolutely, post divorce I dated a few women ( not many) and if there was no chemistry the sex was awful, takes 2 to tango and all that

Definitely I also agree with this. Sexual chemistry needs to be felt by both for it to work.

@NinaOakley I can only speak from personal experience, and comments from previous partners, but that's definitely not always true.

Oh absolutely. Especially as it sounds like they are in such short supply!

Men did that in the past are now in prison because of complaints made about them.

Sorry OP, you won't find any man to do the things you want. They aren't prepared to tale the risk anymore.

I think is quite unreasonable actually
SM and education have breed a mostly timid cohort of younger men who have had consent hammered into them from an early age, if you link this with the instant gratification of online gaming and online porn - you have a generation who are not really interested in sex ( or women or relationships)

That’s a pity. If that is the case, while education about consent has been important, “Men” seem to have not grasped it’s meaning.

Well you know what they say..whats good for the hole not always for the soul

The paradoxes here are many.
Women have campaiged, with unquestionable justification, for men to behave differently. Likely unintended consequences include the rise of overt misogyny and the emasculating of men.

I'm not convinced that online porn suggests men aren't interested in sex. I think it's more that we are teaching kids to be scared of relationships, rather than how to have functional relationships. I suspect that men (esp ypung men) are less confident around women for very similar reasons that women (esp young women) are increasingly looking to non-binary relationships.

(With the Sex board being a somewhat self selecting audience, it would be fascinating to see the OP's question debated on the Feminism board.)

The consequences of the constant “ men are toxic “, “masculinity is toxic “, “ men are pigs “ and messaging over the last decade has certainly seems to have had the consequences of driving men in particular direction ( away from women & relationships) , which is not good for either side