Fwb

[HoneyCorn]

How do fwb work? I would like to find one and asked for some advice on it but the advice given sounds more like a fb than a fwb, like no kissing? No speaking unless meeting up etc. Is this what others do with a fwb? Also where best to find one I’m not into anything kinky so was just thinking tinder rather than sex apps but do you put it on your profile? Wouldnt want people I know to recognise me and know that’s what I’m looking for 🤣 do you have any rules with your fwb?

The rules are written to suit both people.

if you don't want kinky then that's a rule.
If you want to contact two/three times a week then that's a rule.
If you catch feelings then you own up and the other person is free to walk away and that's another rule.
So the situationship is built up by discussion.
There's no right or wrong way. My situations have all been different. It is about being mature.

The rules are what you make them. We both know we come second to each other’s respective spouse, (both carers for people who are no longer able to offer physical or emotional intimacy.)

But there is a real friendship and emotional attachment. We exchange texts most days, some naughty, some supportive/seeking support. We both get physical and emotional comfort from sex. We are careful to set an alarm to not get caught because the best sleep I have all week is the post-coital afternoon nap I get in his bed on my day off!
The rule is that we are allowed to care for one another balanced with understanding we can’t offer more.
It gets hard when either household gets hit by a crisis but I’d rather have him physically and emotionally sometimes than not at all.

You can find men on Tinder. Just be up front about what you want. A lot of women struggle to "keep a lid" on these types of relationships.

I've had three FWB relationships. Typically we would meet every five six weeks. Normally a full weekend. We would have what most people would consider a normal weekend away. Would be like boyfriend and girlfriend. We would then go our separate ways. The odd phone call. Text a few times a week.

@GentlemanJay out of interest why would you want a boyfriend/girlfriend experience but every 6 weeks? To me you either enjoy that- so have a relationship 😂 or you don't. Is it because you were meeting others inbetween?

I do see others from time to time yes. Also. I’ve lots of friends and interests. I don’t need that all the time. I’ve no intention of ever being in a normal relationship. I’ve been there. Done that. Almost 30 years.

I think as a woman I would develop feelings (a bit like Nina Oakley describes) if I was having a relationship experience every 6 weeks. Then I'd end up feeling awful and confused inbetween.

If you're not looking for an emotional attachment OP I would keep it more sex focused and develop more of a little black book set up so you have people you can call when you're in need 😂

I'm not saying women can't handle casual sex (I have done) but as soon as it's with someone we like and fancy I would start to develop feelings personally.

To answer your question OP I have had 2 successful FB. Both were very attractive and charismatic men who travelled for work and would message me if they were going to be near me. Not much chat other than that. I would meet them in their hotel. No girlfriend experience just hot sex. Normally when they were around I'd not meet them though as I just wasn't that bothered and it was all on their time frames obviously so mostly I was already busy.

During that same time I did end up falling in love with a FWB who was local and I was seeing regularly though 😂

I've never understood some descriptions of the FWB thing. I've heard people say they meet their FWB a few times per week, go on dates, talk all the time, meet friends and family. Surely that's just regular dating? That's a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Seeing each other every 5 or 6 weeks or when they're in town on business, I can understand. But the rest... not so much.

Sounds like a really nice set up, sounds like you've been lucky to find a FWB with an outlook similar to yourself, you're lucky!

Agree with this. Seeing someone three times a week is a relationship.

Going back to FWB. As someone has already said.

It worked well for me. All three lived over an hour away. My current FWB lives over three hours away. I had my children every other weekend. That's 50% of my time ruled out.

Also having been in a very long and stale relationship I wasn't going to revisit that.

Every time we meet it feels new and fresh. We always make weekend of it. We always do something to keep it exiting.

I’ve never done or wanted to do a FWB situationship, I catch feelings way too easily, I only have to see someone I fancy in a bar to catch feelings 😂

if I had a different viewpoint on it, there’s no way it could just be sex - there needs to be intimacy along with good sex like kissing and cuddles etc. I’d feel used or vice versa if there was non of that.

It works for a lot of people, but it doesn’t for just as many.

This is exactly what I came to realise too. Plus sex with mutual feelings is a million times better. I'd never do a FWB again I don't think

Maybe the key to a successful type of FB/FWB set-up is to not like them. Not be attracted to them.

But who on earth wants to have sex with someone they don't like or find attractive?! Ick!

It's not something I would want personally.

Men are better at it, apparently. The ability to "go ugly".

Yeah I've heard that too- I guess some don't get a choice 😂

I seriously doubt a woman would be happy lowering her standards though? Even for just a FWB. Personally I'd rather not have sex at all!

I know! I do sometimes get a foreboding feeling that one day it could all go wrong! We agreed the mantra that it’s okay to care just not demand. He’s a lovely man who understands me, if not physically my preferred type, that understanding is very attractive on its own. (I suspect he’d say similar of me!)

I have just started my FwB adventures. Met a lovely guy, very compatible outlooks and situations. We had a few meets, laughed lots and we had sex a couple of weeks ago. He’s a teacher, we’ve agreed a hotel room meet every holiday. We message discretely and so far it seems to work

In theory you’re right, surely if you like them
physically and find their personality attractive then surely you’re better off in a relationship and if you both feel the same way about each other then it is quite likely something more than a FWB would develop.

but I also think that defeats the whole object of the FWB arrangement, you need to get on hence the friends aspect and who wants to have sex with someone they don’t find attractive? For men ( and women to some degree ) there needs to be level of attraction for things to ahem work properly, luckily that doesn’t apply to me 😜

I don't disagree on the FWB thing. It might just be easier if you didn't like or fancy them so much. Although it would work better if it was a FB... you meet somewhere, have sex and leave. There is no getting to know them.

As for having sex with someone you find unattractive... I disagree. I was once told by a man that he had never been attracted to his partner. He actually said she was ugly. Dated her for years. Had a kid, so it definitely worked!

I've had two successful FWB set-ups, another where feelings started, so we backed off to just the F bit, and a current one where there are feelings on both sides, but may not go anywhere but FWB.

I've had FWB where we met a couple of times a week, and where we meet every six weeks or so.

As PP have said, you work it out with your prospective FWB to whatever is convenient / works for you both.

Getting the feels is a definite risk, so you should consider if you'd want a FWB could turn into something more permanent.

I just don't get the attraction of knowing that the person you are most intimate with has no feelings for you. I find it quite cold. What's wrong with having feelings and a relationship. Why see a FWB twice a week?! Instead of a relationship with someone you love?

FWB is a relationship and it works very well for some, more than any other type of relationship.

I totally agree if you're seeing someone weekly (or more) it is a relationship! What is the benefit of no feelings though?