Fwb

[HoneyCorn]

How do fwb work? I would like to find one and asked for some advice on it but the advice given sounds more like a fb than a fwb, like no kissing? No speaking unless meeting up etc. Is this what others do with a fwb? Also where best to find one I’m not into anything kinky so was just thinking tinder rather than sex apps but do you put it on your profile? Wouldnt want people I know to recognise me and know that’s what I’m looking for 🤣 do you have any rules with your fwb?

I think that sentence should have been split up... The B bit is the expectation of sex. Without commitment is, I'd suggest the whole point of a FWB?

It depended on the agreement. With my first, we were exclusive, but with my second, we saw other people, and were quite open & honest about it - it somehow added to the relationship!

My first lasted about a year, and my second 18 months.

But @AverageGuy even when you develop feelings for each other you would rather end things than commit on some level/acknowledge feelings? What is the benefit in that? Vs just seeing how things progress or not?

Why did they end out of interest?

I'm also not sure in real terms what the difference in commitment is between a relationship of a year and a FWB of a year? Both realistically can be ended in any way you choose

I'm thinking the same.

Presumably, if you were having weekends away those had to be booked somewhat in advance? You had to have a discussion about a future plan/date?

Quite a lot to take in! @valentinka31

I guess I want the interlacing. I want the dentist hand hold, the A&E trips (well, noone wants a trip to A&E!), getting on with his family. I'll even take the spreadsheet (tho, what a random comment!). I want that. I want a partner to share life with. I want someone to care about, and who cares about me.

It's necessary to have one (or a partner) - well, necessary to have a regular source of physical contact. - I'm OK without it. I think I'd rather be having physical contact with a partner than a FB or FWB.

FWB = nice and safe. - I don't disagree with this. If you can have sex and do the whole dating thing (and for many on this thread and other FWBs thread it's what they do) without developing feelings or getting attached, then great! For me, I haven't learned how to detach. I'm going to develop feelings.

Partner = you have to get a perfect one. Which could never happen. - noone is perfect. Noone should be looking for the perfect partner. We all have our flaws.

I'll try and answer the questions.

@Gymbunny2025 I guess if you are both on the same page about feelings, and are in a position to make the relationship more than FWB, then why not? There is obviously something "there". Quite often though, one F isn't, so the least painful thing might be to end it.

My 1st FWB ended because I moved out of the area. We both knew it wouldn't be a forever thing, we'd discussed the end.

My 2nd ended because my FWB found someone else that ticked more of her boxes. That came as an unwelcome surprise, and I was sad about it, but we are still in touch and see each other (purely as F) regularly.

@AtYourPleasure yes, we planned dates ahead of time. In both cases, we were both in a position where we could plan ahead.

Some people are able to detach sex from feelings. There are a lot of women on swingers sites looking purely for no strings attached sex - however, I'd go out on a limb and suggest most women will develop feelings.

Thank you for answering questions @AverageGuy!

One more if I may: would you ever consider a relationship with 'Ms Right'? Or are you unable to experience love so just look for sex without commitment?

There are lots of women on swingers sites looking for NSA sex?!

I'm sure there are some. But lots? I bet once you take out the fake profiles, sex workers, men pretending to be women, women who are swinging with a partner (or partner has a cuckold fantasy), women who are looking for other women, catfish looking to make ££, bored women who want to sext for attention...the proportion of women vs men who are looking for NSA sex is tiny (not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with it!)

You are very welcome @Gymbunny2025

"would you ever consider a relationship with 'Ms Right'? Or are you unable to experience love so just look for sex without commitment?"

Longish answer to a short question....

When I found my 1st FWB, I had just separated from my XW. We had been together 30 years, the last 10 of which were sexless, passionless & without intimacy. I was quite literally desperate for sex / any kind of intimacy (which explains why I failed so badly at first). I wasn't interested in feelings. Sex without commitment suited me down to the ground.

As I've gotten older, I've realised that I do want someone in my life. I see nothing wrong with a ONS / FB / FWB, but ultimately, I want something more fulfilling.

I sincerely hope that I can experience love!

I would very much like to find "Ms Right", fall in love and be happy ever after, and am actively dating with that intent. Sex, however, remains important to me, and finding someone with the same sort of er, "appetite", is tricky...

Oh that's very interesting. I can only speak for myself but my 'appetite' is exponentially higher when I have genuine feelings for a man. I guess that's why I find the whole FWB thing confusing 😂

Hope you find her

I guess it depends how you define "lots" 🤷

I know that within five miles of me there are at least 20 real single women activity looking for nsa sex.

Can I ask another, @AverageGuy?

Did you want to do all the couple-y things? Or was it a case of they were things you had to do to get sex?

Same here.

I'll do a heck of a lot more for someone I have genuine feelings for. And who I hope has genuine feelings for me.

This is turning into an AMA! 😁

I was very happy to do the couple-y things - I realise now that I wanted (still want) intimacy, not just sex, which to me means doing those "normal" couples things.

I'd say with the fwb I had, the relationship started with just sex (so possibly fb's, rather than fwb), and developed into doing things together as well.

I'd never do a couple-y thing "just" to have sex. That's disingenuous.

I hope you find someone too @AtYourPleasure ❤️

Thanks for being a good sport and answering @AverageGuy!

No problem at all. Happy to share.

Yes, thank you @AverageGuy!

I doubt that I will @Gymbunny2025. I've given up. Mostly because I still don't believe most men want a relationship. I still believe they're in it purely for sex and will do whatever they need to, to get it.

I was being a bit general in my term of 'perfect' for a partner - what I really meant was that if someone is let in to totally share your life/home/children/money then you are way way more at risk if he has the capacity to let you down.

Whereas a FWB or FB won't have access to your security base and so won't be able to wreck your life.

And yes, I develop feelings too with a FWB/FB, but keep some of my life separate. Unless, of course, after testing out and time, that FWB/FB was so nice that I really thought he could become a partner, and he wanted to be.

but why shouldn't you have feelings for a FWB? In my opinion it's not about not having feelings (for me too v hard not to have), but just about choosing which areas of your lives will intersect.

There's another FWB/FB scenario that I don't think we've mentioned yet here.

What if the two of you are a combination of categories that wouldn't be acceptable/workable as a public couple? So your meeting is intense and super-compatible, but you can only have this as a private relationship, because it won't translate into the real world?

eg
Shockingly vast age difference and everyone would think you were both mad/worse.
Romeo and Juliet.
etc.

I get it. I really do. You won't meet anyone who keeps their heart under wraps as much as I do.

I've never tried a FWB set-up but I think, for me, it's easier to just not get involved in any kind of relationship - FB, FWB or 'proper.'

I understand that completely. For me, though, the physical & affectionate side of things is too essential to my health for me to be able to disregard it.

I'm so sorry you feel like that, @AtYourPleasure . I fear something devastating must have happened for you to have come to the conclusion that you cannot interact with anyone on any terms, and I am very sorry for that. 💐

Yeah. I learned a lot from the last guy. He gave me a good insight into the working of a man. From his lips - Ladies, if a guy is staying with you it's not because he wants to - it's because you've emotionally blackmailed him into it, or you've wormed your way into his life and he can't do anything about it, he's always looking for a way out but doesn't want to make you cry by dumping you. And because he thinks the woman should always do the breaking-up, it should never fall in the man to end the relationship. If he isn't cheating on you it isn't because he doesn't want to - he absolutely does want to and would do - it's just that he doesn't get much opportunity.

Anyway, time for a coffee!

um, he sounds like an absolute charmer 🙄 and also so incredibly wise... not surprising he can talk for all the men in the world.

...

Well you didn't learn anything imo from him about the working of man - you just learned he was a complete idiot and loser. Oh, you did learn something - you learned there are bad men. But dw, there are also GOOD men.

So, find a good one. There are stacks of them. Now that I've understood about the bad/good scenario, I seem to have good ones begging for my attention all the time. Which is nice. Only actually they don't beg, and don't pressurise me. They talk, joke, establish a rapport. And wait for me to come to them, if I want.

You honestly can't write off all blokes because of this prime example of a jaundiced low-life.