My husband often come up with an excuse to not have sex with me.

[Camsi]

My husband often comes up with an excuse to not have sex with me. We only have sex when he wants which happens once a month. He is 36yo and I am 28.
When we travel we don’t have sex, he says he is tired, I look to my side am he is already sleeping.
last weekend we went out to a bar with his friends, we got drunk I am trying to be a little naught with him by saying “baby, shall we go home, I am horny for you” he started saying “why are u ruining the night? Stop saying that. Then we decided to go home, I stand up and started walking until he call me dramatic out of the blue?! I asked him why he got so nervous when I mentioned about having sex, he said that I know that he feels pressured when I comment about sex and that I didn’t even say I wanted to have sex in a sexy way. Blaming me instead of getting horny as well and taking me to the hotel room and fuck me.
he used to watch porn, he said he quit but i am staring to think that he didn’t.
when I try to initiate sex at home most of the time his dick doesn’t get hard!! And we do have sex he skips the foreplay, I feel he does that bc his dick won’t be hard for too long.
please, any advices?
thank you very much!

Is he on medication that causes erection difficulties?

He has performance issues, he doesn't want to talk about it so you've ended up in this strange confusing twilight zone place.

It's either bite the bullet and get him talking about his ED or you find someone else. Don't waste your 20s being frustrated.

same problem here. believe me, he said he quit watching porn as well, a bunch of bollocks. he keeps watching it on my back every time he has the chance, even caught him with a fake profile on social media following random 800 girls and jerking to them 🤢 mind you i was pregnant, and i found out when i was post partum. caught him paying for OF as well. so yeah they never change... they just become better liars, and learn how to hide everything. after all the arguments, he keeps doing the same i don't even bother no more i got a baby to take care of. sad but unfortunately we can't do nothing to change men 😭

Maybe he just doesn't have a high sex drive? Of course this is mumsnet so it will have to be ED or he's gay.
I don't have a high sex drive and if my DH said that to me I'd have the ick so fast.

“baby, shall we go home, I am horny for you”

Saying that to someone who obviously has a low sex drive is going to be a massive turn off for them

It sounds as though porn is the issue OP.

Fuck that shit op

dramatic? I'll bet my bottom dollar you're far from it

@Camsi same here OP , except my partner has work stress and isn’t interested in sex , only time we do have it is if I initate or plan in into our weekend , and even then it’s only plain old vanilla sex , no desire or anything , just duty sex or let’s call it transactional sex

I`d cringe if anyone said baby shall we go home im horny for you at me
No just no.
No advice op sorry.

Seems like it could be pornograohy addiction. Here's some things to look into and see if any resonates. And some tips if that is the route you need to go down. So sorry you're going through this op.

Support for you
Love after porn on reddit is a great group you can find wonderful support from women going through all the same things.
Human navigating betrayal on facebook

Helping couples heal podcast
Pbse podcast
Choose to be podcast
Omar minwhallas secret sexual basement and integrity abuse
The laurel centre
The naked truth project
You will need a betrayal trauma therapist not any therapist will understand this.

For your partner
He needs a csat/apsat no other therapist will understand.
12 step can only take them so far he needs to do a integrity recovery.
Pbse podcast
Your brain on porn book/ website
We reccomend a full 130 days no porn masturbation sex social media TV detox
Omar minwhalla secret sexual basement and integrity abuse.

Could he be gay? Low sex drive or having an affair. He clearly doesn’t want you so for now I would avoid even mentioning it.

If he’s anything like my own partner then if I didn’t mention it for now or ever , it would never come into conversation again by him . He’d be happy as a Larry to know he doesn’t have to give sex 😂

Normally I hate those "what if a man posted this" comments but oh my goodness, what if a man posted this?! "My wife won't have sex with me on demand, she didn't want to leave a fun night out with friends because I said I was horny", would the responses be "maybe she's a lesbian" and "maybe she's addicted to porn" then? Not a chance.
Have you tried actually talking to him and understanding whether this is his sex drive or if there is some issue, discussing your needs and how you can compromise? Jeez.

as a woman , I’d love this 😉 if my partner said this to me

Mainly because this thread is yet more American chat GPT nonsense. Cant MN get a handle on these?

Once a month is pretty low for a couple in their 20s and 30s.

It does sound like he has ED and you need to handle it sensitively if you want it to get any better. But he also needs to make an effort.

Or you could just call it a day? Depends what the rest of the relationship is like.

I dont know where anyone if from on MN but lately the words some netters say are getting worse.😳

People have to remember how difficult it is to be with someone who doesn't want to have sex. Your self esteem absolutely plummets.

Really? What should I have said?

Hi! No he is not…

Yes this !!!!! You feel like your just best friends living together , you feel abandoned and unwanted , lonely and uncared for .
if he doesnt want sex, he should let you have an open relationship where you can get your needs met if your happy with this or , split up …

But on good old MN women are told to leave life is to short without sex.
However if a man post the same thing hes basically told to man up and deal with it stop going on about it hes a sex pest.
Very two faced on hear.

Do you think his perfomance issue is relate to porn? I don’t know how to deal with it anymore, he said we should let sex happens naturally… we should not talk about it or reserve a day for it…

What should I have said then? I really don’t know how to turn him on

Anything but that.