My husband often come up with an excuse to not have sex with me.

[Camsi]

My husband often comes up with an excuse to not have sex with me. We only have sex when he wants which happens once a month. He is 36yo and I am 28.
When we travel we don’t have sex, he says he is tired, I look to my side am he is already sleeping.
last weekend we went out to a bar with his friends, we got drunk I am trying to be a little naught with him by saying “baby, shall we go home, I am horny for you” he started saying “why are u ruining the night? Stop saying that. Then we decided to go home, I stand up and started walking until he call me dramatic out of the blue?! I asked him why he got so nervous when I mentioned about having sex, he said that I know that he feels pressured when I comment about sex and that I didn’t even say I wanted to have sex in a sexy way. Blaming me instead of getting horny as well and taking me to the hotel room and fuck me.
he used to watch porn, he said he quit but i am staring to think that he didn’t.
when I try to initiate sex at home most of the time his dick doesn’t get hard!! And we do have sex he skips the foreplay, I feel he does that bc his dick won’t be hard for too long.
please, any advices?
thank you very much!

Sounds like you both would really benefit from some individual counselling. Has he ever had any therapy? Does he do anything to aid his anxiety/overwhelm? Meditation or exercise?

Thank you very much for your answer.
We got married very fast, after knowing each other for only 3 months, but the reason why I married him despite his sexual problem is bc he used to give me excuses for it, excuses that I believed (since I was still getting to know him), but only now I can see that it cannot be true. He used to say that he was depressed, he used to say that he was tired, that our relationship wasn’t giving him good vibes etc, even me he used to blame at some point. I am really considering divorcing him. Thank you for your time it is very important for me, I am staring to blame my self and having trouble to trust my guts, bc he turns things on me trying me to feel guilty, but talking to other women helps me a lot.

Hii!!
No, he has never had therapy. I will tell him to start, I need it myself, u are right.
he normally goes to the gym 3 times a week when he is not too busy and he plays golf at lest once/twice a week. It should be helping him right

Can I just say this as a man, in my 30’s I really went off sex, to the point it was causing problems in my relationship. I didn’t know why, I just didn’t feel it. Fast forward a year or so and I had been diagnosed with a medical condition, we got on top of that and I was back to my normal self again.
I didn’t know I had a problem, I genuinely just wasn’t interested and I just put it down to age, stress etc. there’s plenty of causes here other than the main ones being listed in this thread.

and This guy was told to “go and fix his plumbing “

You imagine if that was said to a woman who didn’t want sex - absolutely ridiculous

Some people men and women do not want sex and that’s ok. They shouldn’t be shamed and made to feel like it’s a problem. Op is you want a sexual relationship you need to divorce. This isn’t going to change. He’s told you he has a low sex drive and rather than push it you need to accept it.

It sounds like you two need some couple counselling, maybe also individual counselling.
Yes it's ok to not want sex (whatever your gender), but it's not ok to make excuses, not talk about it and blame your partner when you do.
Quite a few pps have said "leave". I'd say try communication with support first. If that doesn't work, especially if you don't feel communication is genuine, divorce remains an option.

Baking flans 😂

Ask him to have his testosterone checked , sounds like he is deficient and may need replacement therapy

It's become a vicious circle. He feels the pressure to perform and, because he's worried, he can't get it up. Then he worries about it even more. So can't get it up...

Add into the mix a partner saying "But WHY can't you fuck me?!" and there's even more pressure.

Time to go back to the drawing board. Scheduled time for the two of you to be intimate but with an agreement there'll be absolutely no penetrative sex. A bath together, a massage, just kissing and caressing. Enjoy each other without the need for an erection. He needs to re-learn how to be comfortable in that moment without his brain screaming "It's time to get hard now! Come on cock! Do your thing!"

If I were you, I would reassure him that I have no expectation of sex and that I won't even touch his cock unless his asks me to. You might find that the removal of all pressure to perform makes him more keen to engage in intimacy.

You sound just perfect, what every man wants.

Your other half is off as a man, you can and will do better for yourself.

Some people want and need sex - they enjoy it, it makes them feel alive and healthy.

Others just don’t - and we make the mistake of thinking we’ll change them.

Get out of that situation pronto!

100% this ^^, figuratively speaking, the OP is standing over her partner clicking her heels and snapping her fingers demanding he gets hard there and then

And this is a problem??!!!!!!

@Freddy75 Erm yes. Imagine a man doing that to a woman who wasn't feeling sexual..

Why?

Why what?

They’re trying to say no man or woman should be forced to feel like they have to have sex they don’t want.

Are they?

I didn’t see that.

You entirely missed the point of my post!!

😂👍

What was the point of your post? I haven’t missed anything.

😂👍🏻

And there’s no need for hostility.

I was actually being friendly so not sure why you’ve taken it the wrong way. I agree with you to an extent because I love sex and don’t understand why some men just aren’t interested (mine is like this on and off).

My very simple, I thought quite obvious point, was that there are many men, including myself, who would just love such a sexually demanding woman.

I trust this is OK with you.

👍

What on earth is wrong with you?

What’s with the aggression?

There is no aggression whatsoever in anything I have written, I’m not the one getting personal.