Is this ok?

[youngones1]

When I'm not in the mood, DH sneeks off to have a wank in the loo.

Seems fair enough

Why wouldn’t it be?

Doesn't everyone do that?!

Of course they do.
However It is not polite (or cool) of him to do it so that you know.

Why? For much of my husband’s working life he was on night shifts. I did not consider it rude or upsetting that a quick wank helped him unwind and drift off to sleep while I was going about a normal day. In a lot of ways I’d rather have the openness of knowing. As long as he’s not rubbing her face in it/sulking.

@NinaOakley In your case, it was nice for him, so you were pleased for him. That is genuinely nice.
In the introduction there is the suggestion that he does it only when OP is not in the mood. That could mean he goes off in a huff, or it might mean he just want to cum. Either way letting his DW know is not subtle.
My ex often did it I don't know how often. Sometimes it was a nice part of being together.

Do you think it's quite normal? Would it be better if he told me what he was up to?

how would you take it if he did? As an insult? Or a dig to try to get you ti change your mind? Poor guy can’t really win here can he?

Why should he ? , it’s nothing to do with you really

@youngones1 something I have learned over the years is that, men are men. They have a penis and they make sperm, and they need a freaking release (for prostate health but also so they don’t go insane). I feel like sometimes I can relate because I always feel like I need a release, but they have a literal release that they need. They need to release a load aka ejaculate or they will not be ok. They feel very heavy and full and get boners so easily if they don’t release, also their mood changes too.

It’s like breast feeding. There is a delay between production dropping once there is a reduction in release. Nobody is going to suffer long term from a lack of ejaculation, just a bit of discomfort that any woman who has given birth can relate to on some level.

That said, there is also no need to deny gentleman the pleasure of a little self indulgence.

Why would it not be ok? Do you never masturbate yourself?

@NinaOakley true! I definitely understand the masturbation piece because recently I have had a huge uptick in my own libido and it’s been a shock. I’m definitely finding myself frustrated if I’m not allowing myself that release

I don’t think anyone would suffer, however it’s something I feel I need, and I’m sure men too

We need more context to really answer your question.

Masturbation is perfectly normal and shouldn't be discouraged in a loving relationship. DP and I masturbate, together and alone, and think nothing of it.

Do you feel insecure or upset about it? Why do you think it isn't ok?

@GigiAnnna @youngones1 i know for me personally, I have to masturbate. I think it’s healthy

@JenniferD582 I think it brave of you to admit it so clearly.

the op says nothing of the sort, you are projecting your own experience onto others and passing it off as the truth

I think it is better that he goes off to do this instead of sulking, but maybe it would be better if he wasn't doing it secretly, it's just a bit sketchy.

If its your own loo then i don't see a problem, if he's popping down to the nearest public toilets then you should be concerned.

It's not sketchy at all.

@PollyPeachum thanks Polly! Definitely shy about admitting it but have to recently 🙈

If you don't want to contribute to this discussion, I suggest you go off to a public lavatory.

I think you'll find they did contribute to the discussion with a perfectly valid opinion.
Why get tetchy because you don't like someone else's opinion? You did ask!

As you didn't say in original post i didn't want to assume. Sorry if you took offence but your response tells me more.
If you were in a distance relationship and you had a mid week call where your partner said he was "in need" would you tell him to take care of it himself until you were next together?
If you honestly answer yes to that scenario then your only problem is distance as in this instance it would've been acceptable.

As you didn't say in original post i didn't want to assume. Sorry if you took offence but your response tells me more.
If you were in a distance relationship and you had a mid week call where your partner said he was "in need" would you tell him to take care of it himself until you were next together?
If you honestly answer yes to that scenario then your only problem is distance as in this instance it would've been acceptable.