Married man pursuing me for sex

[winterrabbit]

Bit of a weird situation. I am 47, married and with 3 kids. About a year ago I became quite friendly with one of the dad's in DS2's football team although I am friends with a lot of the parents. The friendliness just consisted of a few pitchside chats and the occasional message via Whatsapp. About 6 months ago he started texting me quite regularly, casual and friendly at first, but then became starting saying how much he likes me, how beautiful I am, can we meet up etc? I ignored it to begin with but have started to engage slightly, saying I like him as a friend but am married. He is also married with 2 kids. Just seems really odd as he is now saying he has fallen in love with me, can we meet etc, noone will know. I am married (2nd marriage, first husband had an affair and we split) and although we have issues our sex life is really good. I also don"t think I could cheat on DH either physically or morally. I am still a bit curious though and finding it quite odd behaviour on his part. I can only assume he does this all the time and is looking for casual sex. He does seem a nice guy though.

He does seem a nice guy though

I think not.

He's married and he knows you're married, and is looking for casual sex.

Yuk.

Well I'm assuming it's that. Would you say that I'm right in my assumption? There is no way you can fall for someone off the back off a few casual conversations. Am I being played, massively??

He’s a creep after a shag. That’s all there is to it. 🤢

Please don't tell me you've fallen for this utter creep?

Block his number immediately. Seriously, your kids are friends. He’s massively overstepping the boundaries and that’s on him, but it’s up to you to ensure this doesn’t go any further. Don’t be blinded by his flattery. If there are issues in your relationship you should address them but cheating is not a good solution.

What are you curious about? You have no idea about his relationship issues. Unless you want to pursue something with him, you need to clearly say you are not interested. Whether he choses to have affairs with others or not, is not your business.

It is ‘no one’ not noone.

🙄

Op your first dh cheated on you, you know how it feels to be on the receiving end of this crap.

Just keep your distance and block his number.

He's fallen in love with you? What an arsehole. Tell him to split up with his wife and not to contact you again until he has. Don't expect him ever to actually do it as he only wants you on the side for a shag - and you'd be a fool to risk everything for that.

You mention issues in your marriage: Are you thinking that a bit of simple sex on the side might be invigorating?

Just stop engaging with him. Block him on WhatsApp/your phone and don't talk to him pitchside.

Of course he's playing you! And you're letting him.

I'm going to take a different approach to previous posters. I've had an affair myself and didn't regret it. The circumstances were somewhat similar to yours. I'd say if you feel attracted to him (and it sounds like you do) you should flirt back with him and see what happens. Just be careful.

Didn't you feel regret with regard to your partner's feelings?

Perhaps a bit of extra sex is not seen as a huge deal by some people.
Emmerdale, Corrie and East Enders are not total fantasy.
Don't we all know someone who is or has been a bit casual in their 'friendships' and is free of serious guilt.

Perhaps a bit of extra sex is not seen as a huge deal by some people

Then maybe 'some people' should have a read of the relationships board on here, and see just how devastating extra marital affairs can be.

@BIWI , Indeed they should have. But they haven't and they won't. But Devastation is not inevitable. Especially if it is casual sex and easy going personalities.

He's not a nice guy. His reasons for wanting to meet are nothing to do with love (how ridiculous!) and solely to do with sex.

Nice guys don't cheat or encourage others to cheat.

Tell him that he's totally overstepped the mark and, if he keeps pushing for a meet, you'll be showing the messages to your DH and his DW. Then watch him tell you how you've misunderstood his intentions! 🤣

I suppose the thought is exciting but I couldn't do it, definitely not sex or anything close to it. I couldn't do it to DH and I couldn't believe in our marriage anymore or justify it to myself. Plus sex with 2 people is just gross and a complete violation of trust to your partner. I guess I have been enjoying the flattery and attention from him but also was a bit bemused as it's a pretty bold thing for him to do. I never gave him any indication of interest or come on before he started messing, all very normal and platonic. 100% he has done this before.

@winterrabbit , I understand, you are right, it is can be very exciting to get the new attention and a bit of a buzz from the secrecy angle.
Best Wishes.

He's married, so are you. He's looking for a shag on the side. You know what it's like to be cheated on. Don't do it, you'll regret it. Delete and block him, he's not a nice guy, he's a scumbag.

Condoning affairs. Lovely.

Just living up to the reputation of this topic, I presume?

@BIWI I agree that condoning affairs is grim. Please can you clarify what you mean by "reputation of this topic"?

No. You know full well what I mean.

One person. Whereas everyone else hs said nope, block.

So carry on getting it wrong. Living up to the reputation of the pitch fork wavers who object to this topic, hmm?