Porn

[Hmmiwonder]

What are people's thoughts on porn usage in a relationship? Is it a natural thing to do? Is it potentially damaging to the relationship? Does it have any reflection on how one might feel towards their partner? What are your thoughts on it? And do you watch it if you're in a relationship?

I'm not bothered by it. If my partner or I want to watch it, we will, sometimes together, sometimes separately. I think it can spice up a relationship, especially if intimacy has been lacking

It’s not something I’d tolerate personally, but it seems to be ok on MN.

Not an issue for me. I don't see how it would affect a relationship unless one partner is watching it and another is against it. Then it becomes a problem. If you are both chilled about it and use it together and/or separately, it has no impact whatsoever.

I agree with @Mumoftwotoddlers and @Catza
Its all about communication and personal boundaries within a relationship, so it’s different for everyone really.

I don't care if DH watches it as long as it's not interactive like cam girls or onlyfans. If it's just prerecorded videos of strangers I don't care. I know others feel differently though and as others have said it's all about communication.

I'm not concerned by my DH seeing other women or being turned on by seeing people having sex. I think that's a fairly human response.

I have a massive issue with the ethics of the porn industry and the accessibility of hardcore and degrading porn. It's normal for children to have seen hardcore pornography. It's normal for men to regularly access degrading pornography. It's almost impossible to be sure that the 'actors' in pornography are there happily of their own free will and not trafficked or coerced.

You'll get the whole range of responses from people who view it differently. Why do you want to know? There's a zillion old threads on here about it.

(Just asking as this isn't in Chat and OP isn't saying anything about their situation so for that is BU)

You first @Hmmiwonder what are your thoughts?

Sounds a bit like research without giving us your own thoughts OP?

What's your survey in aid of?

I've watched it with my partner

Every relationship is different and it’s about what works for your relationship. I don’t think it’s porn that causes issues within the relationship but the lying and hiding of it- which would cause issues regardless of the reason

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who thinks it's OK to wank over a potentially trafficked or exploited, abused woman.

I have no problem with wanking though. There is plenty of erotic writing...oh, no I forget-men are simple visual beings. Oh well.....blue balls for them, then.

Very much agree with this. Most women I know who say they watch porn or don’t care if their male partners do seem to be huge pick mes/cool wives club. Porn is legalised abuse, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who actively watches or even agrees with it.

I'm not doing a survey. I am genuinely curious to hear people's thoughts on it. I've never been concerned about porn in any of my relationships apart from my current one. And I'm trying to understand whether maybe it's because I'm severely insecure and have no self-esteem. Maybe that's why I have an issue with it now all of a sudden.

I’m not bothered by it.

If someone was using it excessively, as a substitute for intimacy within a relationship or wanting to re-enact stuff that the other doesn’t want to then that’s a problem but one that goes beyond the porn watching itself.

I'm not remotely bothered by it, but if my partner were to watch it to excess I would become worried, just because I would think it was an addiction. But in moderation? Meh.

I would not stay married to DH if he used porn. Getting off on exploited, damaged women, and seeing women as a commodity ? I couldn’t respect a man who felt like that. Add onto that the fact that overwhelmingly porn depicts some form of violence against women, and that it is damaging boy’s views on what is normal in sex and how to treat girls (see threads on here where young women talk about being choked).

I do not necessarily have a problem with DH watching porn, but I do have a problem with the porn industry, so, realistically, yes, I would have a problem with it. If the porn industry were less exploitative and less damaging to women in general (including the way it makes teenage boys think that it is their right to demand all sorts of sex acts from girls and the damage it does to the idea of consent), then I wouldn't have a problem. But it is not like that, so yes, I do have a problem with it, and my DH knows this.

DustyLee123 · Today 10:28
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It’s not something I’d tolerate personally, but it seems to be ok on MN

Same here. Industry is harmful and dodgy as fuck. Most people don’t even think about that aspect (yes, pun intended)

We enjoy watching it together every now and then. We steer clear of the exploitative stuff - neither of us finds it a turn on

How do you know which is which, angsanana? Do you have in depth knowledge?

I think back when it was video tapes or DVDs, it wasn't as harmful. Now it's on the Internet, it can lead to so much more. If can start off as just 'run of the mill' porn and then with one click, they can end up getting turned on by more harmful things. Added to the fact that the likes of Pornhub has been found to have a huge amount of underage people and other victims of abuse in its videos, so there's a lot of abuse being filmed and uploaded.
So more old fashioned 'professional' porn, may not be as harmful (if we don't talk about the expectations put on females as a result of it) But Internet porn is too dark. Because it can lead to unhealthy places and nobody can be sure that all the participants are of age or consenting.

We steer clear of the exploitative stuff - neither of us finds it a turn on

In what way do you think you're managing to do that, then?