Porn

[Hmmiwonder]

What are people's thoughts on porn usage in a relationship? Is it a natural thing to do? Is it potentially damaging to the relationship? Does it have any reflection on how one might feel towards their partner? What are your thoughts on it? And do you watch it if you're in a relationship?

So what are peoples thoughts on their man specifically watching females only, pleasuring themselves? Is that OK too? Is that still porn?

Oh wait, half term?

I dunno, maybe they just like lesbibobs 🤷

I don't believe it either.

I personally think anyone making such unsubstantiated claims are doing it to justify controlling red flag behaviour with what their husbands and partners watch.

There is more slavery and trafficking involved in the production of the clothes we wear and the phones we use to scroll mumsnet.

That's not such a hot topic, though...

No, I mean solo. Just a woman pleasuring herself. I personally think that's wrong and would rather my partner watch a man and a woman. It just seems more personal and intimate to watch only a female pleasuring herself .

I don't give it any thoughts one way or the other.
Probably because it's boring and my mind doesn't like boredom.

I would also be interested in how many women on this thread with an issue with porn have a mined diamond on their engagement rings or wedding bands.

Someone will say that you can be concerned about multiple issues at once. That's true. However, very few women will sell their diamonds for cheap, even though that's a blazingly obvious example of supporting and endorsing slavery.

It is a no for me.

I used to be more relaxed about watching porn.

Until I started to be more informed about how performers can be exploited and about men posting videos without their partners' knowledge or consent
and places like Pornhub allowing these videos to stay on and they also had underage content. It is a dodgy industry.

I am also appalled at how so much of the porn available online presents violence and degradation of women as mainstream...

I think it has completely warped the way men see sex and their expectations.

Not to mention that so many teenagers are exposed to this and grow up thinking that rough sex and other practices that they see online are just standard behaviour.

I think a lot of people just pretend there are no issues with porn and that everything can be 'ethical'. I think that is just very naive.

Ultimately porn is an industry. The aim is to make money, get people hooked and that often means showing more and more extreme scenarios.

They have no interest in helping people having better sex or building good relationships.

No, no diamond on my wedding band, thanks.

I would also be interested in how many women on this thread with an issue with porn have a mined diamond on their engagement rings or wedding bands

Why? It has absolutely nothing to do with the topic being discussed.

I said in my post that part of my issue was the exploitation yes. But part is also about how it's shaping men's minds into expecting acts they've seen on a screen to be played out in the bedroom. As I'm in my 50's I have several decades of sexual experience (never been married or in a significantly long relationship) and I have seen a huge shift in men's "expectations" and yes it is clearly porn driven. So much so that, as I said in my post, I'm not bothering any more.

No it encourages men being sleazy with young women

I would also be interested in how many women on this thread with an issue with porn have a mined diamond on their engagement rings or wedding bands.

It’s inevitable that whatabouttary would start on a debate like this. There is one key difference though - whilst happily using any product that comes from slavery or desperation to survive obviously comes with its own huge moral implications, those who buy diamonds or other pieces from known sources that exploit humans in the worst possible way are not actively watching it happen. They will buy pieces and not give a thought to the suffering that brought it to them. They don’t watch videos of people breaking their backs in mines or working hours in sweatshops with their partners convincing themselves ‘oh most of these people choose to be there to bring us the small moments of gratification we want’.

It’s only watching porn that people actively watch a person who has been abused, has mental health issues, been groomed or has been actively sold to be used as a product and will do anything to convince themselves that they probably wanted to be there just so the viewers can get what they want out of it. To sell your body for the pleasure of others is one of the most dehumanising things a person can do, literally have to disassociate your whole sense of self to ‘get on with the job’. And the knock on effect is making people believe that this is what sex is, some ridiculous, animalistic performance.

Quite. When you buy a product like a diamond any abuse in the production process is rendered invisible.

When you watch porn you are potentially consuming the abuse. You are getting off on it .

Not keen, luckily my Dp isn't interested, he's phone usage is strictly car and classic or flight radar. Our private life is quite fine

Even providing that there is abuse in porn (which there sometimes is and sometimes isn't, and I think it is easier to tell the difference than some imply) why does it being 'visible' make it worse? Diamonds are not a human need any more than porn is (in fact, you could make a strong argument that they are less of a 'need') Why is one 'luxury' acceptable because the exploitation behind its production is invisible, and another one is awful because the (alleged) exploitation is visible? (I'm not talking about gonzo porn or anything super violent, just the 'normal' kind) I'm sorry, but that makes no sense.

I am really anti-porn. It's a degrading, misogynist industry.

Because what does it say about you if you can get your kicks watching somebody being abused?

Again, you are assuming a whole lot.

I'm not assuming anything but the fact that most consumers of porn will have watched, either knowingly or unknowingly, somebody being abused. You can be apathetic or in denial about that, that's up to you.

And you seem to be assuming the best situation in any video watched. Are you telling me, of the hundreds of videos that pornography viewers watch looking for the ‘milder’ stuff that none of them have featured an abused woman/girl in them? That you can absolutely tell without a doubt she chooses to be there, and hasn’t had a history of sexual abuse that has just normalised giving away her body for other’s gratification at the point of making the video?

Yeah, I thought mine wasn't interested for 9 years. Big shock for me. I'd be very surprised it your partner doesn't dabble in a bit of porn here and there 😝

And was that when you decided to join MN and make this your first post?

Did you type my username in Google 😉

Just a wild stab in the dark.

I love mumsnet but one thing I can’t get my head round is the tolerance and acceptance of porn on a women's forum. We all know unless we are brain dead that porn is a disgusting industry that treats mainly women and children as objects for abuse. Women are so well trained it seems even in 2023.