What actually is VANILLA sex?

[partypant]

I know it's all relative and there is no set rule book but what do most people think vanilla constitutes?

Oral?
Several basic positions?
Incorporation of simple toys?

I feel like what is thought of as vanilla is further along the spectrum than it would have been 25 years ago.

What is it called if it's not vanilla but not full on kink? Is there a name?

My sex life :(

I don't think toys would be included to be honest. Basic kissing, missionary with a hint of doggy at best.

Neopolitan?! 😄

This is what I thought of as vanilla but I'm starting to think these days mutual oral is a standard. Many posts have women saying no oral means no sex as far as they are concerned as let's face it, most women need clitoral stimulation to cum.

The frequency of posts about the rose and other toys make me wonder if toys are vanilla now too.

I'm kind of wondering if vanilla 2023 is very much more inclusive than vanilla 2000

It’s a stupid term in my view, because vanilla is an amazing spice!

I don't think it's so much vanilla versus kink. I think most stereotypically kinky practices are still kinky but, ie, not for most people, but they're not as stigmatised.

Toys are more normal and so is oral.

Things I think of as vanilla (and like vanilla they are all very nice) are: missionary position, kissing, naked, oral (both ways) hugging, petting, appreciative noises. Maybe a vibrator.

Not the same as Boring, ie, missionary only, in the dark, one partner motionless, no sound, no variation.

I feel like if you were to ask a 20-30 something they would say doggie, cowgirl and legs over shoulders during missionary would all be considered vanilla now. Swallowing is standard and watching porn together is vanilla. Not sure but I feel like they have been exposed to so much more than what is considered vanilla is much broader now

Sounds like my sexlife 🙈

Raspberry Nipple? 😁

😂😂

🤣 Oh the kids these days! They think they invented sex! People have been having sex, very kinky sex, for pleasure, for thousands of years!

I was asking what was vanilla these days. Not 'who invented kink'

In answer to your question then, vanilla these days is exactly the same as it was years ago. Why would it have changed? They just didn't use the word vanilla back then.

I feel like what is thought of as vanilla is further along the spectrum than it would have been 25 years ago.
I'm kind of wondering if vanilla 2023 is very much more inclusive than vanilla 2000
I feel like if you were to ask a 20-30 something they would say doggie, cowgirl and legs over shoulders during missionary would all be considered vanilla now. Swallowing is standard and watching porn together is vanilla. Not sure but I feel like they have been exposed to so much more

You are making out that people are more kinky now because what you think would have been vanilla 30 years ago is less kinky than what you think is vanilla now. That's your assumption and it's based on what?
I was pointing out that people have been kinky for a very long time. I don't believe people have suddenly got more kinky in the last 30 years and therefore what was considered kinky before is now considered vanilla. Yes people talk about sex a lot more now but if you actually research it there's lots of interesting stuff out there about Gen Z sex.
It doesn't need a label anyway. One person's vanilla is another person's kinky so its a completely useless term.
Just have the sex you enjoy!

Does it really matter, if you enjoy the sex you are having what difference does it make if it’s considered vanilla or some extreme kink

To me, vanilla is any sex that doesn't involve kink or fetishes. I think it's different from person to person. My new DP said his kinkiest acts have been rimming and foot biting, but to me rimming is vanilla. In my community vanilla could mean someone who is non-kinky or who is monogamous

foot biting? interesting. Not come across or done that before... Certainly in the kinky category!

I'm very into foot torture, I have a sadistic relationship with my main dom, he will squeeze, hit and perforate them with pinwheels 😏I don't do a lot of vanilla sex anymore, kink is usually involved to get me more excited. I've had subs/slaves offer to worship my feet, which is more licking and rubbing, but that's too soft for me 😂

@lilkitten Kinky stuff. Wow. The avenues are endless, apparently. Sounds quite hot, actually! I'm to innocent.

@DGConsultant We don't believe that for a second! 🤣

@lilkitten I've tried a bit of bastinado recently. Although it was fun and I liked the pain, I'm not sure I'd do it again. Foot stuff just makes me squirm too much 🤣

We did some of that recently, but with a metal cane. It hurt 😂but it was still so good. We were really confusing onlookers, it was at a swing club, I think the single men were wondering when the sex would start but I was just hogtied, ball-gagged, caned and had various spiked implements, not a bit of sexual play

@PinotPony You take sexuality to an entirely new level of inventiveness. Astonishing. Take my hat off to you.

Actual literal Vanilla plant sex seems to mostly involve artificial fertilisation with a stick these days! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanilla#Pollination ... it's amazing what you can learn on a rainy afternoon at the Eden Project 😀

So, maybe time for a change of terminology? 😁

More of a 99 than a 69 then?

For me it's more the power exchange (or lack of it) that would make something kink vs vanilla.

I think vanilla is anything that isn’t BDSM. Basically sex that isn’t imaginative, creative, intentional and contain elements of bondage, discipline and sadomasochism/dominance and submission. Vanilla can be amazing BTW, not doing it a disservice but that’s what it means to me (and I’m pretty kinky).