How often are people having sex in their 40’s?

[Deanlad1980]

Question is in the subject really…..
how many times a week are people in their forties getting some?

Hi, we went through a difficult time recently leading up to the break of the sex drought. We had barely spoken in weeks but the night it finally ended we’d had a really good day. I never initiate it anymore due to a bad reaction from him once (I’ve never pressurised him at all). So I always wait for him and this night he suggested it. I was more than happy of course!

I won’t go into loads of detail here but afterwards we had a really good talk about how I was feeling at the moment about wanting to have sex more often and he seemed quite interested in the idea. I went into a lot of detail about how it made me feel and how much I wanted him. Anyway, he seems to be quite happy to oblige at the moment but I am wary it will fall back into old ways.

Everyone’s situation is unique so it’s hard to know what to suggest. Talking seems to be the best way, without accusing anyone of anything. Pick a good moment. Maybe start with making it all about her - asking her if she’s happy with how things are and if there’s anything she would like to do that you’re not already doing. Picking the right time to talk is really important. Make sure you don’t say anything that could make her feel criticised because she’ll get defensive and shut down the conversation.

In the end though, if her sex drive is low, there may be little you can do. Perhaps the best outcome is a compromise of some sort. It’s hard though and I really get it. I’ve been in this situation since 2008/09 so you can see why I’m not optimistic this increase in frequency for us will continue.

Good luck.

2 or 3 times over a weekend here. Occasionally (but rarely) 4. Not very often on a weekday unless I'm on holiday.

@Herbiebanannas

Are you married?

Yes

Once a week with my DH and once a week with my lover, averagely.

Twice a day when we are together, which is either 2 or 4 nights a week, alternating weeks.

Female, am in a 7 month old relationship. My partner and I get Friday overnight EOW and the full weekend for the other weekend. We normally fit in 3 or 4 sessions the short weekend and a few more on the longer weekends. I have a happily enthusiastic libido and he seems to be enjoying it!

Once a day during the week and twice a day on Saturday and Sunday.

Once a week is perfect for me as it pretty much always has been.

Quality is equally if not more important than quantity. Have always enjoyed sex with wife throughout our relationship but due to couple of discoveries we've made over recent years it is more intense than it ever has been 18 years together. That said 3-4 times a week would be my ideal though it's more typically 3-4 times a month these days with some dry spells of a few weeks here and there.

Im 35 but dh is 42. We average once every three weeks.

Every day I see DP

If you are both OK with that then fine.
Thankfully I have never been in a relationship where that would have been OK for both parties!
Along with day to day touching and loving chat I can't imagine sex being a once a month event, I have obviously led a charmed life?

@WtP good for you
We have three kids including a one year old. We both work. We've been together 12 years. We're fine thanks.

Ours seems to go either drought or all the time. It does depend on life circumstances though as I am not in the best of health and becuase of perimenopause I am bleeding a fair amount all the time. But at the moment it is once a day maybe but lots of fooling around. But that is because we are on holiday. So will expect that to lax a bit when we go back to work as I am tired.

I love it when it is like this though. I am a huge believer that sex is important and it keeps u together. Even just a short fumble while making the tea is nice. 😂

I would agree with you that quality is definitely more important than quantity. Although both at the same time would obviously be very welcome.

I’m 44, we have sex once every 6-8 weeks, always at my initiation. We never have oral etc. This has been going on since I was 30, it didn’t used to be this way beforehand.

It has destroyed my confidence and makes me resent my OH when I think about it. We have talked about this many times but it never changes, which reinforces my belief that my needs / happiness don’t matter to my OH.

I have promised myself that this situation is resolved or I leave by the time I’m 45, to enjoy what’s left of my 40s (and the rest of my life).

None since I was 34. I'm 46.

Shite sex for the last 25 years at least once a week until last year.

Now with new partner, we see each other once a week (we both have kids) and spend most of the time enjoying making up for lost time. I will never settle for less again.

How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking.

I posted this as I’m in exactly the same boat….but have promised to call it a day by the time I’m 44.
may I ask if your male or female?

Reverse the ages (me 42, DW 35) and this is my situation

Really not happy about it. Have tried to discuss multiple times and explain how important sex is to me as part of the relationship but nothing changes.

I often feel that if I waited for her to instigate then it would never happen.

There's never any build up, no foreplay, no romance. Very "get it done" and continue with the day.

Was with ex for 18 years and last 10 years or so I never initiated, but would "give in" to him about once every one or two weeks. I thought sex drive was gone and was too busy always. When swapped from continuous pill to coil, it started to come back (I was 40 then, started on pill when youngest was born) but still didnt feel it for ex, though wanted sex. Eventually realised the relationship was just not right anymore, now with new partner for 1 year and have it everytime we meet. We communicate a lot from day one and both acknowledged sex is key for relationship so hope we keep it up. I'm not saying everyone who stops has just fallen out of love, it was my case, but it could mean more... how is your relationship otherwise? Hope things improve for you!

I’m 47 and female. I would quite happily never have had it again if I’d stayed in that relationship. But I’ve now prioritised good sex and it feels like I’m a teenager again - but one capable of communicating about everything. A much healthier place to start a relationship. Good luck

Twice today and it's only lunchtime 😏.