How often are people having sex in their 40’s?

[Deanlad1980]

Question is in the subject really…..
how many times a week are people in their forties getting some?

Usually 3-4 times a week. Sex for us isn’t always PIV though, oral would feature more often. I would prefer more frequent sexual contact, DP is happy as things stand.

Same here, 3 to 4 generally but can be more. Had been less for years but life getting a bit less busy

Same here too. Sometimes more. Certainly more than I was in my 30's!

About 5 times a week.

2-3 times a week on average - definitely more than in my 30s, which was generally once a week.

My sex drive has increased in the last year or so and there have been changes to my cycle, so I assume perimenopause. Not complaining!

Not enough... once every few months. It's crap.

@dts911 May I ask are you a man or woman? Is sex good when you do get together?

Make - yes, v good... just not regular enough.

@dts911 that’s really positive! I’ve been reading some books on female sexuality lately and I think the book ‘mind the gap’ may help you.

Well it's positive it's great, but depressing it never happens more... doesn't matter how I raise the topic... nothing changes. Long to have some passion and spontaneity back into the relationship.

Everyday with my lovely DH

I know it's controversial but I thought 'Sex at Dawn' was very good. Really got me thinking.

@dts911 do you have young children needing a lot of help? Hopefully you’ll get your relationship back on track when they aren’t so dependent. At least you’re both keeping the spark alive.

@Nocirculation I haven’t heard of it before but I love a book recommendation!! I’ll check it out!

not this year so far

Not enough - again; I’m experiencing an increase in sex drive now I’m in my 40s and it’s been once every month or two for about 15 years (his drive is lower than mine generally). I have talked to my DH about it over the last few weeks and he’s put in a huge effort and managed 5 times last week. I don’t know how long it will last but we’ve never really discussed it before so that’s a positive on its own.

He’s also suggested new things to try which I’m hoping will keep the new routine going!

I should add, before this last week or two we’d not had sex in FIVE months. I was climbing the walls by the time I finally got him into bed.

How did you break that 5-month desert? Who initiated and how? Am curious because I need to figure out how to sort my situation out!?

Yes - several kids; 10 down to 3. So admittedly it's full on - both work as well..

I’ve seen your post and I’ll reply to you later when I’ve got a bit more time; I might send you a PM if that’s ok?

@dts911 you’ve both got so much going on. But it’s temporary, hope is on the horizon. I’m thinking back to when I was in the thick of it… I was so stressed and busy I no longer thought of myself as a sexual being.

What would be the response if you told your partner how much you value the time and effort she puts into your family. That you love her and want to give her some time to recharge. Tell her that after that you want to meet her in the bedroom and do xyz to make her feel wonderful and give her an amazing orgasm. You’re not asking for anything from her, which is crucial when you already feel overwhelmed, and you’re letting her know that you still find her sexy as hell…just a suggestion!

I don’t want to take over this post!

Ours works out at an average of once per day sometimes more. We both have very high sex drives. Sex/connection is a priority in our relationship.

I agree with @Mermaidparades - the book Mind the Gap by The Sex Doctor, Dr Karen Gurney is well worth a read if either partner is struggling with libido & desire. It really explains the differences between men & women with how desire works & I think it would perhaps calm a few arguments if one partner wants sex & the other doesn't. She does cover the tricky time when kids are younger & sex lives have slipped to the bottom of the priority list.

I also recommend following Hello Jenny Keane on Instagram or her website for people who are struggling with mismatched sex drives, desire or more physical issues (can't orgasm or ED in men).

44 and 47 and more than any other time in either of our lives.

It probably averages out at about 10 times a week (not always PIV) and sometimes involves a female friend who comes over most Tuesdays.

Long may it continue.