Sex drive through roof early 40s

[Macmacma]

Last month or so my sex drive has absolutely gone through the roof. Married (for 12 years together for 16). Have two children 9 and 11- the last 11 years has been busy/ tiring etc- can’t lie have had weeks/ months where I really can’t be bothered with sex and generally my sex drive has been lower than husbands. Last couple of years sex has really reduced- he’d stopped instigating etc to the point I occasionally wondered if he might be sleeping with someone else.

Backstory done. Now aged 41, in the last 6 months or so I’ve started noticing other men (thought this was just being bored at home or soemthing tbh) but the last month or so my sex drive has gone through the roof. Literally want sex every day, multiple
times, thinking about it all. The. Time. Notice every single man who is appropriate age- so bin man, lifeguard, doctor, blokes in co op today. Imagining porn hub type scenarios (was last left in pool- imagined shagging life guard etc you get it).

I’ve also developed a crush on my boss-. I work hybrid and am torn between going in office to see him all (dunno if it’s wishful thinking/ imagination but I think I’ve noticed a couple of looks and a couple of things said) and staying at home and avoiding him as much as possible as I fear I might say soemthing/ act on it.

I feel like this is hormonal- feels like a strong urge….. I’m actually struggling to keep my mind on things…. And I’m a bit worried i might act on it……

Anyway has anyone had similar? Does it pass? Did you act on any of it? I want to just enjoy it but jees it feels ridiculous.

thanks for getting this far….

Reading your post was really interesting as I'm just a few months shy of 40 and have found similar...

Also married, but children younger.

No idea if it's normal /common, but there appears to be 2 of us at least!

I've focused my attention on my husband and he's loving it. We've been talking about our fantasies and acting on some of them / experimenting.

If you've got a crush on your boss, please don't act on it though. Not only would it be wrong, it's not worth the risk. Plus you would end up worrying about being caught and that level of anxiety is not fun! Possibly instead redirect that focus towards your husband. I've seen advice suggesting that you should tell your husband when you get a crush, I suspect it depends on your relationship as to whether that is a good idea or not.

Overall, "it doesn't matter how you get your motor running, as long as you park in the right drive" 🤭

I could have written this word for word!! I'm 45 and have always had a higher sex drive than DH but since hitting my 40s, it's gone through the roof. I also developed a crush on a colleague but thankfully, that's waned. Def a good thing as the fallout if I had acted on it could have been disastrous..

I have told DH about how I'm feeling but he's not really that bothered. I have to sort myself out on a regular basis. I definitely suggest rechargeable toys 😉

It's the sex surge of perimenopause. No, I had no idea it was a thing either. I always thought libido would disappear in middle age but nope. Far from it and it's actually very distracting...I'm often thinking about sex when I really ought to be doing other things.

It's me too!

New man (well almost a year) happily shag him multiple times a day and if I don't see him that day and literally climbing the walls til I can see him! And shag him.......luckily he seems quite happy about it

you are either about to start the menopause or are having a midlife crisis. Don’t cheat on your husband!

Thank you so much for your answers! Gosh am so glad I am not alone. Feels like I’m going a bit mad!

So I was quite excited to go to the office and see boss today-eeek. Only crossed over briefly- had a quick, sensible chat (I had imagined I’d turn into some blushing idiot- since basically I’ve been thinking all sorts about him for weeks)- so I think I can keep a handle on it! It really doesn’t help that I had a missed call from him over the weekend recently and a couple of follow up messages (nothing crazy just asking about family days out to visit that I’d mentioned at work- but still not something I’d mentioned to husband for whatever reason- I’ve not worked there long and this hasn’t been the done thing at all- it seems a very individual/ in work place to work) which had got me wondering if it might be a tad reciprocated ie a bit of an excuse for conversation - I dunno). Anyway he’s married, I’m marrie- he’s my boss, the job suits right now so I absolutely know the repercussions would b huge. Plus it’s a small world in a field I’ve not been on for long. Feel reassured that I was able to keep a handle on this and hope I can continue to do so 😛 yes absolutely been sleeping with the hubby more. Think he’s enjoying it for what it is but I am being a comply pest.

I did briefly mention that I’d been noticing random men a little more and he looked a little put out so I’ll keep that to myself and just sex pest him 😂

Thanks again. Here’s hoping the boss fancying passes 😂

I am not in the medical field in anyway, but I wonder if this is a hormonal “Last Hurrah” before the body starts perimenopause/menopause? You know, “last opportunity to get pregnant” before it’s completely off the cards? I have known a few women who had a surprise pregnancy in their early to mid 40s when they thought they were having menopausal symptoms .

Get a lot more creative with your husband and ask him how he feels if you want more sex after not being interested for a long time. It’s kinds of unfair if he was having to deal with your lack of libido and now yours is back you are fantasizing about every man you meet, and even tempted to cheat.
Reign it in, don’t cheat on your DH and focus your lust on your man at home.

Thank you @YellowUmbrellaSeller yup I agree I think husbands a bit shocked. He seems a willing recipient sometimes but probs not the amount I’d like 😂 yes I’m really hoping I just don’t act on any of it where other men are concerned. And yup agree it defo feels like my body telling me one last go just crack on 😝

Yes it is not uncommon! I'm early 40s and same. I can't help as I am single...I have 3 FWB situations. One of my FWB works in the medical field and he said this is common....he sees the men coming in whose wives have left them and they want help for their libido.

I've been enjoying things like buying lingerie ( I had a proper online bra analysis), thinking of getting professional lingerie photos (for me), reading a book about exhibitionism for the shy, sex texting, nights in hotels, big toys, exercise helps a lot. Those are all fun and not cheating and can be enjoyed with a partner...

I would say to notice is fine but unless your husband wants you to open the relationship do not go there! The guilt of it would never go away.

All I can say is enjoy.

Me too OP! However, my DH doesn’t share the same passion and with a mild health problem, things aren’t going to get much better. I really miss having an active sex life!

‘Really hoping I don’t act on it’
you sound very immature. You do understand yo are an adult who is responsible for your own behaviour? You have a choice! Don’t cheat! it’s simple!

Ah thanks. Sounds like you’re making the most of it!

The increased sex drive could be related to the perimenopause, but there is also something that comes with that called histamine intolerance. HI gives other symptoms in the body but one of them is an increased sex drive. Enjoy 😉

I do understand thank you. Here’s hoping we all go through life always making the right choices and taking responsibility for the things we do- and let’s hope the people we come across all do the same too.

Yeah, writing that 👆🏻 doesn’t excuse anything. You sounds like Matt Hancock with his “ I fell in love” cowards nonsense. It’s abundantly clear you are waiting for a clear signal from your boss he’s interested so you can cheat. Unacceptable.

You don't have to 'hope' to make the right choices - you just can. It's really simple.

And you don't have to worry about the people you come across if you have healthy boundaries yourself.

You talk like you don't have any agency over your life, I find it a bit disturbing.

Same!

op i wonder what you’d think if you’d found texts from your husband to a mate saying I’m feeling as horny as hell my wife isnt interested but i really really want to shag be bird at gregs. And the i saw on the bus. Infact anyone a vulva would do

Ah yes, went through that - late 30's to early 40's. Luckily, I was dating a guy with a phenomenal libido at the time so handy I could match it - except for getting a tad behind on housework. Fun times, glad I'm not with him now in my 50's. Still got a libido, but I'd say its more normalised now. When I think back, don't know how I could be arsed with it that much.

Thank you! Yes Since having my children I’ve always wondered how people can be arsed with it.

Sounds like you enjoyed it at the time though. Great stuff.

God yes, i'm early 40s and had the same thing happen.

Luckily (in my case) i'm single, and have found a very athletic/energetic 28yo who is quite happy to do FWB to sate that.

Although i will say, at my age, getting it on in the backseat of a car like a couple of teenagers hurts the day after.

Brilliant!

Wait until you reach 45 it goes even higher 🤣( my friends and I all reported the say thing)

Oh god I’m the same!
Back story is turned 40 back end of last year and after struggling to conceive DC2 (11 years ago) thought right I’m 40 I’m coming off contraceptive and DH can maybe get the snip and take one for the team, but my libido was non existent so didn’t think it would be a major issue.
Had implant removed in January and thought i’d track my cycle to avoid the very slim chance of pregnancy.
Never in my wildest dreams did I realise how my body would react… for the last 2 months I can’t sleep for the overwhelming need for the 🍆 I think about it day and night I thought I’d be able to ignore the feeling for certain times of the month but we are having the time of our lives 😮‍💨🤣

I got this at 52, it is a sex surge in menopause apparently. DH is very happy.