Can Escorts save relationships?

[MrSilly]

Obvs i read a lot on here about women finding out their OH's escort liaisons. I totally get the heart break that can cause and the resultant mistrust and ending of relationships, home lives and the effect is has on children. I get it all, honestly. The reasons for it are varied and not good in any case where a relationship has been formed in any guise.
I find myself in a situation where i have only made love to my wife perhaps 10 x in the last three years with her seemingly not being into sex rebuking most advances of cuddling, kissing etc. She has work and she works long hours as we both do. There is a distinct lack of love physically even if we do both still love one another.
I miss the touch of soft skin, being passionate and loving and just being that way. We don't kiss as she always finds excuses etc.
We've chatted but never in too much depth. I'm getting to the point where I'm looking to have a connection with someone to match what we had. I don't want to have an affair and I don't want to leave my wife either. Having a time experiencing passion with an escort (I know on her part it won't be real) will help me maintain the relationship in the way it has morphed. The connection not the act itself will be what I'm looking for.
I know many will never think escorts are a suitable solution to the problems relationships face but can such a consideration actually help a relationship in some way?
I'm putting this out there so go easy...

Why do you keep calling them escorts, rather than prostitutes?

It boils down to ethics. Do you reckon you are happy to pay someone for sex who maybe vulnerable? Pretty woman is fiction. Many people end up in sex work after horrific childhoods, abuse, addictions, being trafficked, groomed and pimped. Do you feel happy paying for a service from an escort who is there purely for a financial exchange? They won't fancy you, they won't find you interesting or funny, and they won't want to see you again unless you are paying for their time. You will be a John in a queue meeting their quota for the week. Seems pretty void of anything meaningful in my view.

Your wife doesn’t fancy you and won’t shag you so you’d like to rent another woman’s body in order to “feel a connection”. Is that what you’re saying?

Ejaculating into the body of a woman you've rented won't save your relationship.

Well I can't speak for everyone but if my OH suggested this his bags would be packed immediately so no, it certainly wouldn't save our relationship.
You'd just be paying a potentially vulnerable person to put your penis in them. That's not a connection, it's a transaction and a pretty grim one at that.
Do your wife a favour and leave her then have a word with yourself.

Continue talking to your wife, I wonder what she'd make of you using prostitutes, sex workers? Shagging an 'escort' isn't going to be your answer unless you want to bring about the end of your relationship. You really have to stress to your wife that for the relationship to flourish and continue, you want that closeness and intimacy. Couple counselling has to be explored before you resort to having sex with an escort. Your certainly not going to find any support for that option here.

Bella and the book secret diary of a call girl, would disagree

What made you think this was a question for MN? If you want a pat on the head and permission to cheat on your wife, then I'm sure Reddit or Pornhub would be better.
If you want to be goady, then that just sums up your approach to women.
And if you want to educate us about 'escorts', then you have no idea about the breadth of knowledge on here and on why the majority of posters don't condone cheating or using sex workers.

I know on her part it won't be real

Paying to have sex with someone you KNOW doesn't want to have sex with you. That's rape in my book and if my DH suggested this during a dry spell I'd be disgusted.

Is the Sex topic leaking into Relationships? Because they can all fuck off back there.

I doubt the OP is planning to take them out for dates so I think prostitutes is the correct word.
If that's the OP's view about passion and connection, I'm not surprised his wife is not that interested.

I don't want to have an affair

I might forgive my DH if I found out he was having an affair

I would never forgive my DH if I found out he was using prostitutes

A sex worker does not want to sleep with you they will be scrubbing themselves clean after seeing you to get all traces off their skin. They are thinking about the money the whole time and how they wish you would hurry up and leave. They are just better actresses it's not real. Talk to wife about you feel and go for counselling.

Perhaps if your wife had sex with other men it might reignite her passion for you? How would you feel if she suggested that, do you think it could save your relationship?

On a side note, at least tonight has been intriguing, looks like the poster has given up for now, all the best with the rewatch of sg1, and Atlantis, they are good shows. Although kinda scary if the milky way galaxy is any where near similar.

You need to have longer, deeper conversations with your wife. A sexless marriage must be miserable when you haven’t chosen it.

Do you suspect she wants you to have sex with prostitutes, rather than ending your sexless marriage? Do you think she would rather not know? Maybe, but you’d be taking a big risk if you presumed that.

Do talk this through. Maybe go for counselling together or separately. Best of luck to you both.

@Hawkins003 everyone who worked in the escort industry around the time of Secret Diary of a Call Girl was written know it’s clearly bollocks. It might ease men’s mind to think that’s what it’s like but it really, really isn’t and wasn’t, even at the high end of the market.

OP - how would your wife feel about you paying to rape a woman? Probably best check that out first before you go ahead. Gave a conversation with her so that she knows her options are to either work together to try and reignite what once was there, choose to continue the marriage knowing that you’re fulfilling a need elsewhere (and all the moral issues that come with paying for sex) or split.

Fair points, much appreciated for your analysis

It’s not rape FFS

Thank you, you have inspired my next few months TV show watching at least as I work my way through the different series

Jesus. There’s something in the water.

your most welcome, I had to be very engaged and trying to type very quickly as suspected mumsnet would of pulled it asap, thankfully I got some data to analyse as I was saving the threads to the reading list.

I wouldn't go near a guy if I knew he had used prostitutes, or even if he thinks it's ok

It's not rape in the strictest sense but if a man offered the money and said no need to shag me. The sex worker would be really happy and wouldn't demand to have sex. It's paid for consent just for money.

there was indeed, snakes in the water

This is the worst place to get a reasoned answer. I think maybe. If there is a desire to genuinely stay in a relationship by both parties and sex is the only issue then why not. It's not fair for either party to not want to have sex on a consistent basis and the other to go without. Either with an escort, open marriage or something else. I would also think there may be other factors at play which are probably best to investigate before going down that route.