Can Escorts save relationships?

[MrSilly]

Obvs i read a lot on here about women finding out their OH's escort liaisons. I totally get the heart break that can cause and the resultant mistrust and ending of relationships, home lives and the effect is has on children. I get it all, honestly. The reasons for it are varied and not good in any case where a relationship has been formed in any guise.
I find myself in a situation where i have only made love to my wife perhaps 10 x in the last three years with her seemingly not being into sex rebuking most advances of cuddling, kissing etc. She has work and she works long hours as we both do. There is a distinct lack of love physically even if we do both still love one another.
I miss the touch of soft skin, being passionate and loving and just being that way. We don't kiss as she always finds excuses etc.
We've chatted but never in too much depth. I'm getting to the point where I'm looking to have a connection with someone to match what we had. I don't want to have an affair and I don't want to leave my wife either. Having a time experiencing passion with an escort (I know on her part it won't be real) will help me maintain the relationship in the way it has morphed. The connection not the act itself will be what I'm looking for.
I know many will never think escorts are a suitable solution to the problems relationships face but can such a consideration actually help a relationship in some way?
I'm putting this out there so go easy...

If you're thinking of hiring an escort before talking properly to your wife about this then your marriage is in deep trouble, and almost irretrievably broken.

The best, and only, way to possibly save your marriage is to properly discuss this with your wife, and look at couple's therapy.

There's a small chance she'd be open to you having sex with someone else to keep the marriage going if she's clear she isn't willing or able to increase sexual contact with you, but this would need to be a
consensual mutual arrangement probably via a hook-up site....NOT using a prostitute!

If she's not up for increasing sexual contact, nor you having sex with someone else, and you are deeply unhappy about the lack of sexual intimacy (which is reasonable) then you need to face reality and end your marriage.

Any of the above, with having an affair only
marginally less bad than sleeping with escorts.

sleeping with escorts.

I say "sleeping with", obviously I meant fucking.

No, using escorts won't save your marriage. It'll destroy it.

Is there a reason you've not made more of an effort to talk to your wife about this issue? Do you have any insight into why she doesn't want sex? That's where you start to fix the problem, with couples therapy if needed.

I'd recommend looking at Esther Perel on YouTube, who has a lot of helpful guidance on intimacy and desire in long term relationships.

Your marriage is in deep trouble if paying someone to etc is your solution.

It is, but I think the OP's dilemma is what do you do when you love your partner and don't believe in breaking the marriage up, but they don't care.

@OP I'm serious when I say don't do it. You will break a boundary forever and nothing will put that right. If you are a person who would not break up your marriage, you will just make your situation worse.

Either talk to OH or reconcile yourself with your circumstances. Or both.

@MrSilly Mate, it sounds to me that you need to work on you, forget about the desperation (not sexy!).

Try Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, focus on your own sense of differentiation and go from there.

Sounds like you've lost your way a bit, don't worry nothing is wrong just read the book have a think then focus on small gradual steps.

Good luck and report back.

It is, but I think the OP's dilemma is what do you do when you love your partner and don't believe in breaking the marriage up, but they don't care.

She doesn't want sex, that doesn't mean she doesn't care.

However what do you do if you're unhappy about something in your relationship but don't believe in breaking the marriage up? Well you don't outsource and get someone else to make up for your partners 'shortcomings'.

If you don't want sex and aren't concerned about any negative effectsfor your partner, I think "doesn't care" is a fair approximation. Note that I didn't say anyone was obliged to care about it - that's important.

I think you probably don't outsource, too. You've made a promise for life, if the love is there you tough it out and hope something nice happens after you die. Why shouldn't men make sacrifices, too.

@ConcordeOoter
Again, lack of sex doesn't mean she's not concerned about the effects or that she doesn't care.
Many posters on here over the years have said they don't want sex or lost their libido, they very much care, but caring doesn't make them horny or able to have sex they don't want.

Would "is indifferent to sex" work better? I think I'm just communicating poorly, it seems to be a theme with me at the moment. Sorry.

@ConcordeOoter
Some people are indifferent to it but some have gradually grown to really hate it over the years or developed an aversion.

I think for those who are indifferent to it a lot of them will have sex and sometimes they might enjoy some parts of it such as the connection even if they could take or leave the actual sex. But others can't bring themselves to do it anymore.

From my own POV I agree to a degree, however for me it's about attraction and reliance on each other for happiness and satisfaction as opposed to sorting yourself out (not like that for once!).

God I feel like I bang on about differentiation and I for one have until the last year or two been so anti self development to a degree but ffs it really is the canines vegetables and I just hope one or two people take the time and read the book and see that it really truly totally will transform.

It may not be for everyone but David Schnarch and his wife really took what is a fucked up part of Relationship Development and worked it the Eff out.

I hope I haven't been too in your face but I do hope it could maybe help.

So what would you call it?

I think it's probably part and parcel of overcoming our base natures to have better and more meaningful things like eg: potentially lifelong marriages.

Some are wired to sow their oats or go to seed, some aren't. We can't all act according to our respective natures, most people have to sacrifice something.