Page 3 | Can Escorts save relationships?

MrSilly · 2023-02-27T23:10:47+00:00

Obvs i read a lot on here about women finding out their OH's escort liaisons. I totally get the heart break that can cause and the resultant mistrust and ending of relationships, home lives and the effect is has on children. I get it all, honestly. The reasons for it are varied and not good in any case where a relationship has been formed in any guise. I find myself in a situation where i have only made love to my wife perhaps 10 x in the last three years with her seemingly not being into sex rebuking most advances of cuddling, kissing etc. She has work and she works long hours as we both do. There is a distinct lack of love physically even if we do both still love one another. I miss the touch of soft skin, being passionate and loving and just being that way. We don't kiss as she always finds excuses etc. We've chatted but never in too much depth. I'm getting to the point where I'm looking to have a connection with someone to match what we had. I don't want to have an affair and I don't want to leave my wife either. Having a time experiencing passion with an escort (I know on her part it won't be real) will help me maintain the relationship in the way it has morphed. The connection not the act itself will be what I'm looking for. I know many will never think escorts are a suitable solution to the problems relationships face but can such a consideration actually help a relationship in some way? I'm putting this out there so go easy...

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:08

Options if she won't change are:

Leave your wife
Have an affair
Ask for an open relationship
Stay in the current situation and be miserable
Engage an escort

To all those focused on the escort and how terrible this is, what do you think is a better option given that it is not unfair to expect your partner (male or female to want to occasionally have sex with you?)

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:10

Sorry, not sure what happened with the formatting here. Given OP is asking for advice how about trying to help in a practical way?

Guavafish1 · 28/02/2023 01:14

Sounds like your relationship has hit the wall. There is a lack of physical and verbal communication between you and your wife.

I think going down the prostitute route is not right in any relationship (unless properly discussed and agreed)

it's dishonest and cheating - unless you've discussed it with your wife first
it's won't solve the lack of intimacy issues in your relationship
you many pass on a STI to your wife

Have you tried speaking to your wife about the current issues? If not have you considered counselling? Sex therapy?

If there no improvement - then might be better to end the marriage and find a partner that meets your needs.

ConfusedNT · 28/02/2023 01:17

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:10

Sorry, not sure what happened with the formatting here. Given OP is asking for advice how about trying to help in a practical way?

We are giving advice in a practical way

The OP asked can escorts save his marriage, and the advice to that question has been given

I'm not sure why it's suddenly become mandatory that women educate men on how to responsibly cheat on their wives through giving them practical advice

But if I was going to give practical advice to the OP it would be

Educate yourself on prostitute, sex trafficking and modern slavery
Educate yourself on consent
Suggest counselling to your wife
Have a long hard think about whether your ability to have sex without the other party enjoying it might be what actually ruined your sex life
Do some housework

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:24

ConfusedNT · 28/02/2023 01:17

We are giving advice in a practical way

The OP asked can escorts save his marriage, and the advice to that question has been given

I'm not sure why it's suddenly become mandatory that women educate men on how to responsibly cheat on their wives through giving them practical advice

But if I was going to give practical advice to the OP it would be

Educate yourself on prostitute, sex trafficking and modern slavery
Educate yourself on consent
Suggest counselling to your wife
Have a long hard think about whether your ability to have sex without the other party enjoying it might be what actually ruined your sex life
Do some housework

Show quote history

I really don't want to get into an argument, so I'll leave it at this (and I'm in the same situation as in I'm not particularly interested in sex myself right now!)
Many of these responses are basically dismissing that OP doesn't have a right to want to have sex and be intimate with someone. It's a very mumsnet-centric point of view.
So if his wife isn't interested in counselling or willing, he can only leave or think of another option if they both want it to work. There's no point to be dismissive if someone is wanting to look at various options. He must love his wife if he wants to stay surely.

monsteramunch · 28/02/2023 01:29

Many of these responses are basically dismissing that OP doesn't have a right to want to have sex and be intimate with someone. It's a very mumsnet-centric point of view.

Nobody is automatically entitled to sex.

They are entitled to leave a relationship if they aren't happy with their sex life.

OP wants to have his cake and eat it too.

He has the balls to pay for sex with a stranger he cannot 100% be sure is doing so genuinely of her own free will. He doesn't have the balls to have a transparent conversation with his wife as he knows she will say it's a dealbreaker. Both those decisions show an utter lack of respect for women.

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 01:32

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:24

I really don't want to get into an argument, so I'll leave it at this (and I'm in the same situation as in I'm not particularly interested in sex myself right now!)
Many of these responses are basically dismissing that OP doesn't have a right to want to have sex and be intimate with someone. It's a very mumsnet-centric point of view.
So if his wife isn't interested in counselling or willing, he can only leave or think of another option if they both want it to work. There's no point to be dismissive if someone is wanting to look at various options. He must love his wife if he wants to stay surely.

Show quote history

Pas de tout, the OP hasn’t attempted to discuss the matter in any real way with his wife but the default in his mind (If this is a genuine poster, which I doubt given their lack of reply) immediately is should I get a prostitute? Most wives want to still be intimate with their husbands. There is usually a reason if they don’t. Most marriages go through periods of less sex, the OP’s response is to immediately to just outsource the sex which doesn’t say much for what he thinks about his wife or women.

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:35

🙄😒🤦‍♀️

Carlycat · 28/02/2023 01:38

No. Can't you just have a wank instead? Then no one gets hurt 🤷‍♀️

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 01:53

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:35

🙄😒🤦‍♀️

?????

ConcordeOoter · 28/02/2023 01:56

You're supposed to suffer a life without intimacy until you die, or your OH decides otherwise, whether that's what you signed up for or not. So be thankful for 3x in 10 years, that's a lot more than some people get.

That's what it is, there is no point sugar coating it.

Redebs · 28/02/2023 01:58

People are responding as if OP is genuine 🙄

ConfusedNT · 28/02/2023 02:03

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:24

I really don't want to get into an argument, so I'll leave it at this (and I'm in the same situation as in I'm not particularly interested in sex myself right now!)
Many of these responses are basically dismissing that OP doesn't have a right to want to have sex and be intimate with someone. It's a very mumsnet-centric point of view.
So if his wife isn't interested in counselling or willing, he can only leave or think of another option if they both want it to work. There's no point to be dismissive if someone is wanting to look at various options. He must love his wife if he wants to stay surely.

Show quote history

My husband has a low sex drive and I'm currently rarely having sex, it's been months

My options as far as I am concerned are put up with it or leave. Paying for it is never an option in my mind.

And no I don't actually do think he does love his wife. He certainly doesn't respect her. If he did he wouldn't be considering cheating on her because he can't be bothered to have a conversation with her

And it's hardly surprising to see these responses on a website that mostly attracts women. If the OP wanted opinions on how to cheat on his wife maybe reddit would be better. You say mumsnet-centric like it's an insult. But why should women help men cheat or be derided if they don't. Why is a woman-centric view automatically bad if we don't automatically say what men want to hear.

Many prostitutes are slaves. If you are hearing about historical slavery and think that if history repeated itself you would be on the right side of it, history is repeating itself, so check where your need to put men's feelings first is taking you.

ConfusedNT · 28/02/2023 02:06

Redebs · 28/02/2023 01:58

People are responding as if OP is genuine 🙄

No people are continuing a conversation between themselves about a situation that might be real or might be hypothetical. But just because a man drops a scenario, gets women talking about it and walks away doesn't mean the women have to stop talking about it. We can carry on debating the ethics of the conversation whether a man is there to hear us or not

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 02:12

We can carry on debating the ethics of the conversation whether a man is there to hear us or not

This. Even if we know we are currently dealing with an invasion of pervy trolls. If we stop talking, they will talk and swamp this place. Fuck that noise.

Moser85 · 28/02/2023 02:40

Whenharrymetsmelly · 28/02/2023 01:08

Options if she won't change are:

Leave your wife
Have an affair
Ask for an open relationship
Stay in the current situation and be miserable
Engage an escort

To all those focused on the escort and how terrible this is, what do you think is a better option given that it is not unfair to expect your partner (male or female to want to occasionally have sex with you?)

Leave or ask for an open relationship but it would have to be open on both sides

Hoistupthemainsail · 28/02/2023 04:27

Do you pounce on her and asked her if she's up for a quickie or do you actually listen respect and speak to her as an equal partner?

Thekormachameleon · 28/02/2023 04:37

Eeew

your wife doesn't want to sleep with you so you're happy to pay some women for a 'connection' aka a receptacle to ejaculate into

Vile. Do better

pinkfondu · 28/02/2023 05:50

Escorts dont ruin or save marriages. Lies and cheating ruin marriages. Marriages can be saved with communication and change.

Justalittlebitduckling · 28/02/2023 06:27

Try couple therapy? You may be able to get to the root causes of why you and your wife have become so distant and improve your relationship.

AnyFucker · 28/02/2023 06:30

Dump and run

discobrain · 28/02/2023 06:37

Oh yay the anti sexwork crew is here.

OP this really is the worst place you could have asked this. If you're going to see an escort for sex, don't do it without your wife's knowledge, because when she objects (and she will) then you will have to make a difficult decision. She obviously isn't into that side of things now.

You've two choices. You can either stay and accept that the physical side of your marriage is over, or you leave.

discobrain · 28/02/2023 06:43

Oh and by the way, because I'm fed up of the repeated misinformation around here..

Escorts and other sexworkers are some of the most sexually healthy people out there, it anyone gets an STI, they're more likely to get it from having an affair or a one night stand. When you book a session with an escort, they will be clean and tested because they aren't stupid, and it's part of their job to be clean.

Enough with the heavily overdone myth that sexworkers are dirty.

Perfect28 · 28/02/2023 06:45

You're seeking connection but you won't find that with a prostitute so you're being disingenuous. You will find sex, so be honest that you just want to get your end in. If you really want meaningful connection including physically you should leave your wife.

AgentJohnson · 28/02/2023 06:51

How exactly would renting a sex worker save your marriage? I get that you see this as purely transactional a bit like getting a cleaner in to do the job no one wants to do but come on OP.

Your marriage is in deep trouble if paying someone to ejaculeert into is your solution. May I suggest that the money you intend paying a sex worker, sorry ‘escort’, be better used to pay for marriage counselling. A sex worker can’t resolve sexual incompatibility.