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Original poster

Dp flipped because i said no to sex

126 replies

Nat890 · 16/02/2023 22:59

Dp has been drinking all evening with friends and is a little bit worse for wear. I was in bed sleeping after a long day and also not feeling the best with tonsillitis, and my dc like to get up super early so im an early nighter anyway. Dp comes in bed and starts cuddling me, i know where it's leading so say not tonight im on my period. He kicked off big time. And starts saying 'I can het sex with anyone, i can just go out and have sex' i said look, you've had a bit to drink, come back to bed and when you get up you'll realise how silly your being. But no, continues to say it, slamming doors/drawers saying im full of shit. Ive stayed calm but im actually really annoyed how he has acted. How can he be mad at me for saying no! Never seen this side to him before. But it has really bothered and upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nat890 · 19/02/2023 08:29

@OhBeAFineGuyKissMe This week is half term for dc and I also booked this week off work and dc will happily spend the week at my Mum's because they love it here. And going on how dp is acting, it looks like im going to have to make contact first which I don't want to do. I think im just going to take a few more days and see how things go and go from there. But right now, how im feeling and how he's made me feel. I don't want to go back. But definitely need to make arrangements regarding dc.

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OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 19/02/2023 08:38

Do you think this is the end of the relationship? Will he be helpful or obstructive (eg moving out do you and, more importantly the children can maintain normality)?

I hope the time at your mum's helps.

His behaviour is totally unacceptable and his lack of contriction or even contact speaks volumes. Here's to finding the strength to move forward from this.

Mumof3teenagers · 19/02/2023 09:35

Sorry to hear he hasn’t tried to contact you OP. Has he ever acted like this before? Looking back, was there anything you may have missed but has become clear to you now? ( hindsight is always great ).
Im glad you have your Mum for support and a safe place to stay.

rogueone · 19/02/2023 15:05

you reaching out will allow him to remain of the opinion that you over reacted. He doesn't want to accept this his behaviour was unacceptable so easier to ignore you with the view that eventually you will reach out as its not that big a deal and you clearly over reacted. As you reaching out means your at fault. I would decide what it is you want to happen next and stop waiting for him to get in touch as he wont. Not a easy situation to be in at all

Thepossibility · 19/02/2023 20:31

Please don't contact him. He's trying to punish YOU with the silent treatment! Trying to train you into submission. He's not sorry at all!

Original poster
Nat890 · 19/02/2023 21:14

@Thepossibility I really don't want to be the first to make contact. But theres going to be a point one of us will have to. Second full day now i've not heard from him. Not even a 'how are the children text'. I was so patient the night it all happened. Knew he had way to much to drink so tried to speak to him on a level to make him see sense. But to go on this long just goes to show he stands by his words and actions. Thinking back to the night, I feel he anticipated and wanted that argument for what ever reason.

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Original poster
Nat890 · 19/02/2023 21:20

@Mumof3teenagers no, never acted like this before. Part of me is questioning if he's maybe having an affair. And that's what he meant by 'i can go out and have sex'. And that's why he was so frustrated when I said no. Im sure if he is the truth will come out. Either way, I can't go back to him. I feel so hurt. I didn't deserve that and the children didn't deserve their Dad going mad and slamming doors and drawers for them to witness. My eldest told me he actually heard it and got worried. He made our son worried in his own home Sad

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Mumof3teenagers · 19/02/2023 23:05

@Nat890 no, you and your DCs did not deserve that.
Not sure why he would do this out of the blue but maybe he’s showing his true colours and this could escalate even more if he gets away with it. Decent men don’t behave like that.
Please mind yourself and you precious DCs. You deserve so much better.

Greenfairydust · 20/02/2023 08:56

If he has gone awol it is the perfect opportunity for you to change the locks and kick him out of your life.

This man has shown you his true face.

Protect yourself and your kids from him.

Original poster
Nat890 · 21/02/2023 09:56

Dp messaged me and apparently can't remember anything and asked what he said/did. I told him and said its over and now im getting so much abuse saying im pathetic for ending a relationship over this when all he wanted was sex with me. My mind is baffled. Can't believe he still sees no wrong and now im getting abuse from him.

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Original poster
Nat890 · 21/02/2023 10:02

He's just added he can be sorry for something he doesn't remember! Hmm

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Original poster
Nat890 · 21/02/2023 10:03

can't be sorry

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Tempone · 21/02/2023 10:04

That update makes it even worse, in the cold light of day. He thinks thats an acceptable way to behave? Does be think women owe him sex?
Op you are sending him a clear message. Good for you, he clearly has no respect for you or your boundaries.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 21/02/2023 10:06

Nat890 · 21/02/2023 09:56

Dp messaged me and apparently can't remember anything and asked what he said/did. I told him and said its over and now im getting so much abuse saying im pathetic for ending a relationship over this when all he wanted was sex with me. My mind is baffled. Can't believe he still sees no wrong and now im getting abuse from him.

Abusive men always seem to do the same predictable things, don’t they. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, OP.

He was intimidating and out of control to the point of frightening your child as well as you. He tried to coerce you into sex by threatening you with infidelity.

Don’t fall for him saying he doesn’t remember.

His actions have ended the relationship and he’s now flipping the responsibility back onto you for daring to hold a reasonable boundary.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 21/02/2023 10:08

Nat890 · 21/02/2023 10:02

He's just added he can be sorry for something he doesn't remember! Hmm

What a handy excuse, eh?

CleaningOutMyCloset · 21/02/2023 10:17

That's handy he can't remember, especially when you had an argument over it the following day

Original poster
Nat890 · 21/02/2023 10:56

He's definitely making up for all those days he was silent. Now he's saying he's trying to figure me out and my problem out because he's done nothing wrong and im using this to get out of our relationship. Honestly couldn't make this up.

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Surplus2requirements · 21/02/2023 11:22

@Nat890 he's rewriting the narrative in his head and trying to do the same in yours. It's gaslighting, "there's a problem, I did nothing wrong so you are the problem"

I'm sorry you've discovered you have been in a relationship with such a complete arse but I guess it's better to know.

It's up to you what to do about it but please don't accept the BS. If you begin to start doubting yourself have a read though of this thread again.

AllOfThemWitches · 21/02/2023 11:27

OP well done for being so strong and sure of yourself.

NoDairyNoProblem · 21/02/2023 11:48

You are being really brave @Nat890. Do not let him re-write history and make his vile behaviour your issue. This is straight out of the abusers playbook.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 13:20

I think he remembers.

but of course you can be sorry for something you don’t remember! If I eg broke something of DH’s when drunk, I would be very sorry the next day about it even if I didn’t remember.

MidasWhale · 21/02/2023 17:05

So from his point of view he woke up and you were in a mood, then he didn't talk to you, then you left, took his children and he didn't see you or try to contact you for days?
Yes of course that sounds plausible

Original poster
Nat890 · 21/02/2023 17:49

@MidasWhale That's exactly what I said to him. You've not seen us for three days and you didn't try to contact to ask why? He said he knew it was something from my reaction in the morning but wasn't sure what exactly. He's definitely playing dumb in hope it would just blow over.

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AdamRyan · 21/02/2023 19:31

Reminds me of this

www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 21/02/2023 19:36

What an a'hole. He may pretend not to remember but sadly your DC (& you) do. And I can't believe his comment not being able to be sorry for something he can't remember, no one else will forget anytime soon

Stay strong OP, he has crossed a line here don't doubt yourself Flowers

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