Dp flipped because i said no to sex

[Nat890]

Dp has been drinking all evening with friends and is a little bit worse for wear. I was in bed sleeping after a long day and also not feeling the best with tonsillitis, and my dc like to get up super early so im an early nighter anyway. Dp comes in bed and starts cuddling me, i know where it's leading so say not tonight im on my period. He kicked off big time. And starts saying 'I can het sex with anyone, i can just go out and have sex' i said look, you've had a bit to drink, come back to bed and when you get up you'll realise how silly your being. But no, continues to say it, slamming doors/drawers saying im full of shit. Ive stayed calm but im actually really annoyed how he has acted. How can he be mad at me for saying no! Never seen this side to him before. But it has really bothered and upset me.

The "real issue here" is he feels entitled to sex and is angry he isn't getting it when he wants it.

Not how much sex op is or isn't having.

Sick of posters making out this behaviour is somehow understandable. These men are adults, not toddlers. They should have grown out of tantrums to get their own way.

I'm glad you've realised that he crossed a line and wasn't just silly. Anything other than mortified, seriously apologetic and guaranteeing that he didn't mean a word of it this morning would be unacceptable. He wanted to bully you into sex you didn't want. That's not ok. He doesn't see that as wrong even now.

This

@Fuckstix

Guaranteeing that he didn't mean a word of it doesn't make it any better, it makes it worse because if he didn't "mean" to be banging and slamming and shouting at a mother who was sick in bed trying to sleep, shouting, groping and demanding sex, we have to ask, what the hell was he doing it for then?

You're right and it wouldn't change the fact that he had behaved disgustingly. What I mean is that this morning, genuine remorse is the least OP should accept from him. Not the silent treatment.

This is really really not ok. Does he fancy being a rapist? He's one step away

He is an absolute tosser and a misogynist. Beyond unacceptable.

OP my friends H did this to her a couple of times before one night he raped her. He claimed she was "into it".
It escalated quite quickly. From him being a bit narky when she said no to him acting as if her saying no was "role play". He was sulky when confronted at the beginning as well.
They are now divorced, and she is 100 times happier.

Good luck op for the rest of the day and whatever you decide to do.

In veritas vino

he has shown his true colours and trying to intimidate you into sex is domestic abuse. Not being silly.

This is not ''silly'' or ''annoying'', it is just plain scary and abusive.

Being drunk is no excuse for this kind of behaviour.

What will he do next when he gets frustrated again? will he threaten you? hit you? I would not stick around to find out...

It would be the end of the relationship for me.

I'd be giving him the opportunity to go and get sex elsewhere whenever he wants - permanently !

This really isn’t ok at all.

Someone else mentioned that it could be related to the sex life, but there is never any excuse or justification for this. My wife and I don’t have a good sex life and yes I find it frustrating, but drunk or not, I have always respected my wife’s right to say no. I may not like it, but I would never dream of getting abusive and creating an atmosphere of fear to try and coerce it.

The fact that you are unwell and you’re menstruating adds to the clear lack of thought for your well being that he is showing.

It shows, amongst other things, lack of respect for you, a clear sign of his view of power dynamics within the relationship and frankly a scary insight into his thoughts on your rights in the marriage.

People are saying you should throw him out, leave etc.. I understand this isn’t always so simple but you really need to reevaluate your relationship, think if there have been any signs of this previously and make sure you protect yourself and your children.

At the very least, he needs to address this issue, and speak to someone. A firm plan needs putting in place before it escalates.

What a horrid, horrid, situation and you must have felt scared. I hope you’re ok.

Did you really only say he was a knobhead when he woke during the night and asked if you were ok . That is like a joke word not something said after a serious situation. I would have been very angry at him and told him his behaviour was abusive and unacceptable.

he should have been called out on his rapey behaviour - sick of blokes feeling entitled to sex from partners as and when they fancy and getting the rage when it’s refused

Imagine if your children heard all of that.
This would be the end of relationship for me op. If you stay with him you end up feeling like you have to have sex with him just to prevent another outburst. Its abusive behaviour. I'm pleased you are going to your mums.

@Nat890 he's not 'acting' that way . He believes he's done nothing wrong. I know he's your husband and you know him better than us but FFS dont minimise this.

@Nat890 are any of your DC girls?

My ex behaved this way drunk. Then not only drunk but sober. I wish I had left years before I did for my sake and the sake of DC.

He’s cross with you right now because he actually believes he did nothing wrong!
That’s a dangerous mindset…. I’d be very wary of him from now on.
I would put some distance between ye for now, stay with your Mum. Think seriously about what you want and what you think is acceptable.
He is totally in the wrong, no excuses!. He expects sex whenever he wants, on his terms!

This is dangerous territory, be very careful.

It’s great to hear a male perspective on this. I hope OP sees this.

I couldn't ever feel comfortable again around a man who did this. He was happy to have sex with you knowing you were ill and didn't want to. Treating you like this is not the behaviour of a loving husband.

My bet is that he was fixated on having sex whilst on this night out. Maybe the other men were talking about sex. There is no excuse for his behaviour however. You are his wife who he should respect.

Amen to this

since when did not getting your leg over enough entitle you to behave in a violent and aggressive manner?
he’s an absolute disgrace and personally this behaviour would throw things into a very sharp relief regarding my future with him if I was the OP.

To do that to when the OP is unwell
and there young children asleep feet away is also disgusting

“Silly”?

Raise your standards. Give him the biggest bollocking of all time when he’s sober and tell him if he ever behaves that way towards you again, he’s out.

I called him 'silly' to try diffuse the situation. Our arguments can get heated and with the children sleeping and being unwell I just wanted to calm the situation and get some sleep. I went home after the school run and he did not say a single word to me. Which just shows me he sees nothing wrong and believes i am in the wrong. I thought id give him the opportunity to apologise, but nothing. I am livid with him and way to tired to argue which i know that will happen if I approach it. He has shown his true colours. We have a good sex life, and only had sex a few days ago. He's definitely not sex starved, not that that makes any difference. Still can't believe he sees no wrong in his behaviour and it is so worrying.

I have a rule, no drunk sex. I stick to it. It's ensure consent and it's just better for both partners. You could try this, tell him its to make sex better not to deny him sex.