Illicit encounters (i.e.)

[soloinaduo]

M here. (loving open marriage)

Didn't want to hijack the "sex chat" forum.

Reading the sex chat posts, it's clear many F are in sexless, non intimate relationships and seek that missing element of their lives elsewhere, without wanting to break things up. Obviously, M are well known for doing exactly that since the dawn of time, rarely honestly!! (Stereotype!!)
I've met dozens of F via i.e. often just for coffees, and the majority are the same. Some are honest with partners about being on i.e. and others not. Many say it saves their marriage.
Do many mumsnetters take that next step and use use i.e. or similar? How has it worked out for you? I've met some really honest and lovely women on there, and rarely actually involving sex.....more "agony uncle"

Is also try FEELD
its very honest !!!

I have found ie to have lots of fake female profiles, women who I suppose are going to be sex workers, lots of women who want to chat and not actually meet, a very small number of women who actually want to meet, very disappointed with it, what’s even worse is that men pay around £100 a month and it’s free for women, so I suppose women can get a certain level of fun chat or self gratification that they can still talk to men

@Joey69 £100 a month wtf that's extortionate

@jaystone I was on there last year for a while, I think it might have been a bit more than £100 a month actually 🤔 if I recall - it’s free for women - so that seems unfair.

not something I would recommend for men and not somewhere I would go back to,

for women it’s probably okay actually as it’s free, (for women) and there is probably a quite high male churn rate as men sign up , realise it’s a waste of time and leave again 🤷🏼

I would have thought that's almost a self defeating business model. Women have nothing to lose, so don't have to take it seriously. Men have to both invest financially and know that the women possibly aren't motivated, and are anecdotally less numerous and more picky. If you're looking to connect people together, that imbalance makes little sense. If you're cynically looking to financially exploit a specific demographic, that almost smaks of commercialised sexism.
Oddly that kinda makes me even more sad for the modern world.

I have just had an email from a lovely young lady who comes from the same Russian town as me. She likes older men too and if I like her photo I should just respond. She likes the letter I sent her apparently 🤷🏻
Maybe you don’t have to do anything but just let the magic happen😂

Name change for this.

But like a PP I used AM almost as the precursor to leaving my sexless marriage (I’m late 40s F).

I found it quite addictive and tbh there were some pretty “high calibre” men on there. The men were very clear about “not wanting to change your circs or mine”. In actual fact in retrospect I very much did want to change my circumstances. The thought that I’d do so with someone cheating on their wife seems crazy now (I do get the hypocrisy of this).

I went on various dates and had affairs with two men (both v handsome and high achieving but I mirrored that in terms of status and looks I suppose). I did get very emotionally hooked on one of them and ended it for that reason.

I then stopped using it and sorted my life out, got divorced and am now in a monogamous very sexually fulfilling relationship. I don’t regret what I did.

It’s a very risky business though because of course you can identify someone IRL almost immediately after you meet them. One man I met told me he was 5 years younger than he was and was a CFO of a large corporation. In actual fact Companies House told me his real age that he ran a small bike business - his home address, wife’s name etc etc. he hadn’t even told me his surname - but after one date only I could fully ID him. I could have blown up his life and that of the other men I met. The idea of honour among thieves is a little misguided when one party might be in the process of ending their marriage.

There are lots of bots and time wasters on these sites … but real affairs do happen and people do meet up for real. For good or for ill.

@Estherpologist

yes it’s pretty crappy really

Male here. Joined IE in April and it's worked for me. Sexless marriage, wife wants it to be platonic and will turn a blind eye (for reasons I don't need to elaborate but they can be multitude such as illness, carer role/no energy, childhood issues, mental health issues, so many).

I've had a few casual encounters with others who wanted that and who have said come back if I'm ever in the area again. I've met for coffee dates and declined the ensuing fair few offers inviting me to embark on a long lasting affair just on a physical attraction basis. I am now in an IE affair.

I've been asked on more coffee/dinner dates by older clearly wealthy women with various demands attached but I'm not an escort plus I was not remotely attracted to them.

I'm normal looking (I think in terms of attractiveness, no Beckham but nor am I Shane MacGowan), normal professional job and a normal person, laid back though pretty athletic and not a vanilla person in terms of physical intimacy.

I've not really done the pursuing so I can vouch that IE is not a scamming site albeit there are women on there night after night who seemingly want to message, collect photos for their esteem no doubt. It has worked wonders for my esteem when I felt rejected and unattractive as this is a basic human driver.

I paid about £180 for 12 weeks or so on a deal. I have put it in holiday mode occasionally as I deal with people sequentially (chatting, texting, meeting and declining with maturity).

So there you are.

Funny thing is ....
My first post, your last post, pretty similar experience I'd say!

I would say it’s been a bit of a post code lottery, had quite a few chats, some had worked out and we met some mot , certainly some of the women are just hanging out and chatting with no intention of a meet they probably do it to pass the time and get some sort of kick out of it.
the payment thing is annoying, men have to pay and it’s free for women, 🤷🏼, would be better if both genders paid a smaller amount, as would wheedle out some of the the time wasters and fake as it’s both genders looking…

met some nice people,but overall over priced for men and the website is awful

Just to comment about age, I’m slightly older (50 +), and lots of the women in my kinda age range had age limits of 45 and younger for sex.

Good god! 😳 I feel so ugly and undesirable. Not one person has showed any interest in me in years.....is it normal for people to have loads of people showing interest in them??? Am early 40s and think am OK ish in appearance but definately haven't had any interest like what is discussed here

Do you mean you get no chats on Ie ?

Hi There Soloinaduo,

Another M here. So you're in an open marriage right? I've been in an open marriage since late January. My wife admitted to sexting with a celebrity, so I suggested we open our marriage to save it. She was determined to continue her affair.

I've just started dating on IE, originally I wasn't that bothered about using the open side myself. I suggested it more to save 22 years of home/family etc and I still loved my wife. However I'm warming to the idea now.

How are you finding it. Are you still on IE?

Evening @Tryingtobeopen,
I'm off ie as things moved into fwb.
For us it's purely shared sexual interests and fun, no romance and stuff. Be clear about that.....👍

I wouldn't ever judge anyone having an open relationship due to sexless relationships.

So IE, AM whatever great. The thing is you have to tell your partner/spouse and give them then chance to fuck others too! Lying and pretending to be faithful is not ok. If your oh doesn't care and its all about keeping the house and lifestyle, fine, but tell them fgs and give them a chance of fun too.

I signed up this morning after reading about it on here and have been absolutely bombarded with messages, a lot of which need screening. I have been chickening out of signing up to Feeld, far too much chance of seeing someone I know! Perhaps because they are paying significant fees there is a nasty, entitled/arrogant something about a lot of the men on ie so far. The vibe is wrong! I picked up an adorable little troll from my PMs on here a few weeks ago, though. He can stay a bit longer.

That is pretty much were we are. My wife cheated, I found out then we decided to go open.