Is oral sex a regular thing in your relationship?

[ihavezeroidea]

I'm married 17 years and I think DH has gone down on me 3 times in this time. I have giving oral too. I never read much into it until I read some of these posts and now I think we're freaks. Am I massively missing out?

I absolutely love going down on my wife and would happily spend hours doing it, however when I’m allowed it’s only likely to be until she’s cum and then she asks me to stop. She doesn’t do oral on me at all really and doesn’t like it when I ask too much for this either. In general our sex life is pretty unbalanced though with me having a high sex drive and her having very little.

@Olliee1983 she’s probably asking you to stop after the orgasm as a lady’s clitoris is very sensitive after and it’s too unbearable. I don’t think any woman would like to be pestered all the time for a bj either 😂

@Olliee1983 - Similar to the post above.

The sensitivity immediately after orgasm can be quite intense, almost to the point of being unpleasant. But from experience if you can learn to ride out that moment there are more treats to come. It is difficult though and requires communication as to firmness etc and try gentle sucking at that point rather than tongue work. That's my experience but as I've said on MN a number of times on different sections, women are not a heard and we do not all react the same.

As another poster has said it’s very very sensitive after climax so I do slow it right down, almost stopping any tongue action but just staying down there ready to pick it up again when she’s ready but she shuts that down pretty quickly. As for pestering for a BJ all the time…not sure I said I pestered all the time as I totally get how that would be a massive pain and a turn off. Rather she doesn’t like me mentioning it when we’re being intimate (and so we’re clear, I don’t mention ever at any other time!).

DW is hyper, hyper sensitive post-orgasm after oral. As @StarlightLady says it seems very uncomfortable/almost unpleasant and definitely a "no-go" area for a little while.

And I echo what @Andypandy799 says. Any pressure/pestering for a BJ will have the opposite effect. I've learned that over the years! Ask politely by all means but chill out if she says no. There's always another time and if she knows you're more laid back about it she's more likely to be open to it - at least that's my experience
with DW. But everybody's different!

The most explosive and erotic way to climax is for you to lower yourself into his face. He can then use his hands over your bum, upper thighs, back, tummy and breasts. Slow revolving with very sensually licking, making your scream and orgasm with intense pleasure. This will drive him wild. Once you try this you will never look back xxx and it all the time 🙏 someone who loves much 🥰

My apologies @Olliee1983 I misunderstood you. Clearly you're not pestering but saying that your wife simply doesn't comfortably engage in discussion about oral (and sex generally?). That's a tough one because communication is at the heart of sex. Believe me I have been there. I've got no ready advice but just to encourage you to keep going, especially if you love her very much.

@ihavezeroidea

how can any women live without getting oral!

Now going through a divorce (which is dragging on) to a man who I would never let go down on me. Well, I did once or twice, but I remember it feeling uncomfortable and I felt like
my soul was on show to the world. I went down on him, again, probably once or twice. Again, did nothing for me. He was 10 years older and both of us had had limited experience before (he had only had one GF who turned out to be a lesbian and I hadn’t had a real boyfriend before).

He was never very playful in bed (no physical touch with fingers, for example) and i just found the whole process dull and boring - I didn’t get turned on although I am naturally a bit wet anyway so no issues there. It became like a chore to me. Even sex was awful (he was on and off in 5 minutes) and I never orgasmed with him.

My desire to be a mother was strong and, surprisingly, we had two children (the younger one conceived by IUI as we couldn’t get pregnant a second time even though all tests came back clear - I now wonder if there was a physiological reason for this). I regret not leaving him before children as I had basically trapped myself. My mum was elderly and couldn’t help with childcare, his mum was RIP and I had a job (career that I had worked hard for and didn’t want to leave) that involved shift work and overnights sometimes so I had to go part time for over 10 years. During this time the marriage became sexless and there was no affection/intimacy. It was soul destroying and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so stuck it out.

Roll on another 10 years and when I was 45 I suddenly entered menopause and a whole host of symptoms started with the main one being the sex surge! OMG I was on heat but hadn’t connected with the fact I was going through the menopause. However, I still couldn’t have sex with him. He looked old and hadn’t really taken care of himself and, well, I knew that I had always felt frustrated and unfulfilled in the bedroom with him. I’ve posted elsewhere about this but cutting a long story short, I ended up seeking out (quite innocently at first) male company elsewhere. Roll on months of sex talk and we met a few times. This man blew my world!! I have never been so turned on in my life. Wet as Niagra Falls every single time. Although my menopause symptoms settled (I have never taken HRT) I am still quite sexual now (but single) and regret MASSIVELY missing out on a healthy and fun sex life. I loved this man playing with me and using his tongue and I got turned on going down on him. Sadly (and don’t shout at me) he was married. It wasn’t going to last - although did for 5 years. We didn’t meet up much due to distance and the fact he felt guilty but, for me, it was very obvious that I was in a dead marriage deprived of affection/intimacy/sex. I started to realise what true passion and sex should be like. I’d fallen for this man so am, naturally, heartbroken he has gone now. I am actually starting counselling to go over the whole thing with someone else as I have been unable to discuss this with anyone in
my real life.
But, being extremely wet (which I was with this man) is a sign of arousal and high arousal at that! Enjoy every second!!!

I have joined a couple of dating sites and hoping to find that again with someone I can keep forever!!! It’s magical to feel that!!!

PS. I ended my marriage very quickly after meeting this man btw! I woke up!

Oh, and it would’ve been our 25th wedding anniversary in the spring. Why did I live like this for so long?!!!!!!!😫

Reminds me of something I saw
in the outside of a sex shop when I was driving down the A1 - not that I stopped and went it (I just saw this big advertising poster on the outside and couldn’t help looking). It said…

’Couples who play together stay together’

Of course, the rest of your relationship needs to be good too but it really made me think that sex/play with the right partner is amazing/ magical 😈😍😛, sex/play with the wrong partner is urrghhhh 🙄😟😩. True!

Same here, he almost always gets me there first and then we have intercourse or I return the favour. Or I may give him oral first and then he returns the favour

Yes we have lots of oral. My partner is very diligent with the cunning linguistics and can carry on for ages. I'm a bit sensitive immediately after orgasm, but fortunately he lifts of the pressure for a few moments and goes very gently until I'm ready for another. I suck him too, but this usually takes the form of a 'quickie', to relieve him of his pent-up ardour.

Been together with my other half for over 15 years and over time she's got less keen on receiving oral and typically pushes me away after a few seconds. On the plus side she's got keener on giving me oral. Whilst this may sound like a bloke's dream scenario I would happily trade a few of those bjs for extended oral on her on a regular basis.

@Anotherlurkingmale do you think it is a self confidence issue…has your partner went through child birth or put on weight? Anything to alter her body image? It’s beautiful that you want to celebrate and pleasure her body as she does yours.

My DH has always loved to give me oral anytime I want which is good as I love to receive it and he is very good at it! It obviously turns him on a lot to give it to me and a number of times he has cum without any other stimulation whilst doing it to me.

We usually do it as foreplay for me to get my first orgasm but it is also a good / quick way if I just need an orgasm and if we don't have the time or location for a full session. I'd guess I get oral 2-3 times a week at this point.

I love giving oral to my DW but I don't think I could actually cum myself without additional stimulation.

Having said that I did have a girlfriend when I was in my twenties who orgasmed quite often when she performed oral on me. I don't think either of us understood how or why although remember thinking it was extremely pleasant at the time.

Not thought of that, she is naturally curvy which I like but hasn't put on extra weight of late. Only times she doesn't push me away is if we've had some intercourse first, think she really needs to be in the mood for it.

@Anotherlurkingmale talk to her about helping to lose her inhibitions, work on her body confidence. I’m certain you can help her overcome this, as this wasn’t always her response to receiving oral.

Body confidence is huge. I've been with women who weren't confident about it and didn't like it if I started moving down there, and after several weeks of building up that confidence I'm happy to say they all enjoyed it. Giving can be amazing for guys, definitely gets you closer to your woman.

NC for this reply.....
I spent all of my twenties being petrified of oral sex being performed on myself, in my 30's I had some oral that was just awful, I really disliked it. Then my now husband, after a lot of confidence building and going verrrry slowly did it and I've never cum so hard in my life. It was mind blowing, I haven't looked back since and giving/ receiving oral sex is a fantastic part of our sex life.

@TheDailyVeil your story is so inspiring, I hope you continue to explore and enjoy one another’s bodies!

Giving my wife oral sex is one of the greatest pleasures in my life, I absolutely adore it and do it almost every day. She absolutely loves giving me blowjobs too and she is great at it. But, I think I almost prefer going down on her, in a multitude of positions as well. It's incredibly intimate, trusting and wonderfully naughty. She normally cums clitorally from this, then we have sex and she’ll cum vaginally. For me and her, there is no proper sex life without oral sex.

Apologies but you are definitely missing out! It's one of life's best pleasures and I love to receive oral, it's both relaxing and an amazing orgasm when it comes. Fortunately my DH loves to give it to me and always has done so I guess he gives me oral 2-3 times week, sometimes I just want to cum quickly and it will do the trick for me!

I don't mind giving oral to him either but he is really not bothered and he has always said he would prefer a handjob if needed.