Orgasms and Sex Toys

[TheGreatO]

I use sex toys weekly and it’s something I’ve done for the past year or so. The orgasms I have from these are mind-blowing, I mean just totally amazing and often I can have orgasms one after another. The orgasms I have with my DH aren’t anywhere near as mind-blowing and often I don’t orgasm at all. I really want to have the best orgasms with him but it’s something we just can’t do together. He’s aware of this but he’s accepted it and so have I but I feel deflated after a sex session.
Does anyone have any advice?

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If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Use the sex toy at the same time as your husband going down on you. Absolutely mind blowing and involves all parties

He doesn’t like to use them with me. He’d rather he made me orgasm himself but he’d need to spend longer for me to get there.

Tell him its not a competition, the idea is to make you come hard (by any means possible).

Frankly i would find this attitude selfish and childish. I am sure if the roles were reversed you would do anything to give him such a deep pleasure.

Rather than fishing around for ways to make it better with your DH, start working with what already clearly works. Men who 'rather do it themselves' often can't and would rather sit by and watch their partner have medico orgasm than put their own ego aside and do what works best.

Good luck OP, your husband sounds really selfish and unfair

With sex toys I can control the intensity, move it around to exactly where I like it and get lost in my own fantasy so that is how I have some of my best orgasms. With my husband I can orgasm and it's good but not as intense. I don't think the two need to be in competition. But I've noticed if I aim for g spot stimulation it intensifies the orgasm.

He said he found it difficult to know that I could have great orgasms using a toy but he wasn’t able to give me the same. He then would ask if I had cum when we had sex and the pressure was too much that I started to lie and say I did, I fully accept by saying this, I’ve made things worse but I didn’t want to make him feel bad. I feel that our sex life is broken.

Man here, he's being ridiculous and letting his ego get in the way of you both having better sex. There's nothing better than see your partner having a great orgasm however it's achieved. He can fuck you from front or back while you use the vibrator.
My partner loves it if I gradually push a vibrator inside her, sometimes whilst she uses her womaniser.

For me having a piv orgasm is much more satisfying than any other way, even if it is less intense but the only way I can reliably do this is by hardly ever masturbating otherwise I just don’t have the necessary sensitivity. For me it is completely worth it but I think there is a choice to be made.

How were things with your DH prior to you starting to use the toys?

I find if I use vibrators a lot that I get used to that intense sensation and speed and it is more difficult to orgasm without it and fingers no longer feel quite right. I'd cut the vibrator out for a bit and see if that improves things. I also orgasm quicker if I haven't had one for a while - so that's another reason to stop for a while.
I'm the opposite to you though, I find orgasms with a vibrator more localised and over too quickly so I generally prefer fingers anyway unless i'm being lazy. No one has ever been able to give me quite as good an orgasm as I can give myself though of course.
Stop faking though and if you feel too much pressure then stop everything and tell him that. He needs to back off on being so controlling over your orgasms and join in with the vibrator fun.

Maybe he's got in his head the idea of a large dildo as a sex toy, which I guess could make some men feel inadequate along side of. Maybe introduce him to sex toys starting with ones that you use together (vibrating cock rings, wevibe etc). Perhaps he become more comfortable with including a more traditional vibrator after that?

This will probably be unpopular on this site, but my opinion is that sex toys are kind of a female equivalent of what porn is to men. Blokes generally prefer visual stimulation, whereas for women a physical thing at a superhuman frequency is what does it! I guess too much of either can desensitise us.

I find that when I have an orgasm with a toy, I can change the pace and angle myself. I can also prolong my orgasm by a few seconds by moving it slightly when I'm orgasming and decreasing any pressure. No man can ever know how to do this, esoecjly as every orgasm is different. I have way better orgasms with toys, but I still have very good orgasms with partners. I still prefer to have an orgasm with a partner, regardless, because it's hot 🤷🏿‍♀️