dom/sub thing really annoying

[freeloader]

I'm really on board with people freely expressing their sexuality etc. Live and let live and all that. Plus, I really enjoy sex a lot.

BUT I find the whole dom/sub stuff so hard to get my head around. I don't mean there's any should/shouldn't around this because we definitely are in a free country. But, just WHAT, WHY? Sex is great. It's pleasurable. What 's with the pain and suffering? I definitely don't mean that people shouldn't be into that. I just mean that sex feels good, so why the need for pain etc? It's such as British thing. Other countries/cultures just go along with the fact that sex feels good and there's no need to mix up pleasure/pain. Sex feels good. Why involve pain and suffering?

Were you drunk last night op?

I am British/Dutch and have lived in Germany for many years. This is how Brits are perceived by Dutch and Germans. Brits think they are edgy and liberated sexually but have to play games involving pain or domination in order to feel excited.

Biggest load of bollocks I've ever read.

I don't get why it should be "annoying" to you

This has got to be a wind up, surely?? OP is desperate for her 15 minutes of Daily Fail Fame. Nobody can truly be this ignorant and brand a WHOLE nation as whip wielding, nipple clamp wearers 😂😂

.

This is excellent

So you believe in people freely expressing themselves except

It's odd to equate pleasure and pain
In fact any association between two emotions you do not deem as positively connected is an issue that we should view as shaming
Oh and we are not feminists if we don't agree with you

Op you are as controlling and unacceptable as those you pertain to be the aggressor (assuming you use the standard militant feminist rhetoric)

Or you are not bright enough to think on a high enough level to understand

I think this is a feminist issue.

Why?

Everything else aside, in no other situation would giving up control completely, and allowing people to push your boundaries (soft limits,) and/or allowing yourself to be entirely physically helpless (eg. bondage,) be considered "having all the power."

Would it?

So why describe it falsely? It's about being powerless. Not powerful.

If you are really interested in learning about BDSM (which I doubt) read "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" or BDSM101.

Scrumple, of course it’s about powerlessness at face value. That’s kind of the point But as several on this thread have already spelt out very well, when the relationship is healthy - as most are - it’s the sub who retains the underlying and overall power. Where the relationship is not healthy, of course the line of powerlessness blurs. But again, that’s not BDSM, that’s abuse.

We're just going to move this one over to the sex topic

Best place for it!

I don't say this often but op you sound pretty stupid and I would be amazed if you actually are in academic research.

You seem to be suggesting a few things as fact;

All British people have sex only in a bdsm fashion

No European people do this

Pain /pleasure and the dominant /sub thing are the same

All submissive are women

Now full disclosure I'm only into 'nice normal' sex as you would call it but even I know that what you've posted is nonsense, I've also seen more men on online dating looking for dominant women in their bio than I have looking for submissive ones so not convinced it's feminist at all

To be honest the way your writing it seems like something bad happened to you, likely with a British man and you're trying to wrap your head around it and lashing out

Really hope I'm wrong on that last point though

It's not a secret that lots of the clients who visit a female dom are men in very high powered positions - CEOs, Judges, MPs etc

Because for some people who are spend most of their time being the ones in charge, in control of - and responsible for - others, it can be very relaxing and enjoyable to get the release of getting the feeling of having relinquished control

Someone who spends their life caring for other people and putting their needs first may find a pampering spa day, where they're the ones who are attended to and have attention lavished solely on them, relaxing and enjoyable

Completely different situations and contexts but the underlying psychology isn't a million miles away

It has occurred to me, Freeloader, that if all your assertions are true, there would be no such thing as Continental "Switches".

I am pretty sure that there are.

"Pain is painful. Pleasure is pleasurable. "

Not sure. Intense emotions can be between both or a mixture of both. Tickling, exercise...

Pain and pleasure are lovers - according to (ahem) the French. (French poet anyway!)
But sub/dom is not about pain - it’s about the power dynamic - and literally dominance and submission. It’s like saying kinky sex is about feather dusters!

You seem to be focused on the pain...
I'm a Sub. We very rarely do anything involving pain. It's all power play. It's fun. Remember fun?

I would never, ever say that a woman's sexual preferences are wrong. But, if they involve submission or pain.... perhaps think about where these feelings come from.

Well thank goodness you came along OP, before I asked DP to give me a good spanking with my left flip flop tonight.

I live on the continent, we have two BDSM clubs in my city, and a huge fetish fair held here every year. DP is Latino.

Off you pop with your stereotypes now.

That's right @Dadaist, but everyone really knows that "The Story of O" wasn't French, it was based in Dunstable..

And 50 shades was about 2 characters from Slough...

(Citation needed)

OP, if that's what you believe German people think about Brits, you should try looking at German porn on a website. It all seems to be BDSM themed. How would you explain that within your national stereotypes?

@LookImAHooman
You didn't answer my point.
Everything else aside, in no other situation would giving up control completely, and allowing people to push your boundaries (soft limits,) and/or allowing yourself to be entirely physically helpless (eg. bondage,) be considered "having all the power."
Would it?

Probably not. But we’re not talking about other situations.

And why do you think that this discrepancy exists? Why is it that only in a sexual situation being powerless, is being presented as powerful? Doesn't that seem entirely irrational?
And while stats are difficult to find, from personal observation and the general consensus in the community, there seem to be a far, far larger proportion of female subs than female doms, and likewise a far larger proportion of male doms than male subs.

"Why is it that only in a sexual situation being powerless, is being presented as powerful? "

Work is like that isn't it? Selling your labour to an employer who can boss you around is seen as empowering.

"there seem to be a far, far larger proportion of female subs than female doms, and likewise a far larger proportion of male doms than male subs."

Well, that's probably just upbringing isn't it?